It's Here!

Happy Christmas Eve to anyone who happens to stumble across my little blog today. I'm still a little in denial that it's here, but I guess I'm ready for it. I made pumpkin bread last night to bring to work today for our Christmas lunch and a pecan pie to take with us tonight. We will be spending the evening with our good friends and having homemade pierogies. It's their family tradition that we were invited to 4 years ago, and now we wouldn't miss it. My favorite pierogies are stuffed with potato and sauercraut and then toppped with caramelized onions. They are so yummy! We do a gift exchange with them, then we'll head home. We always put out milk and cookies for Santa and then the kids will probably head to bed. I've got a couple more gifts left to wrap for the kids and then after they are sleeping soundly, Santa can do his magic. I never know what time the kids will get up. They've never tried to get us up super early, but last night my boy asked what time he could wake us up. He thought 6 sounded like a good time. I'm not so sure. I told him that if he got up really early, he could bring his pillow and blanket in our room and camp out on the floor for a while. I'd like them to wait until we are all up to go downstairs, as I *think* Santa is going to bring them something really great this year. Not sure if they'll be able to resist the temptation though.
I hope I get to leave work early today. The last couple of years I've been able to leave around 3ish, and while I'd be grateful for that, I'd really like to leave earlier if possible. I forgot to plug my camera battery in to charge this morning, so I hope it has enough to get us through tonight.
My sister and her family are driving from Missouri today and should be here this afternoon sometime. They are staying with my parents tonight and then will head over tomorrow with them for gift exchange and dinner. Then they will stay at our house until they leave on Sunday. I can't wait to love on my niece. She's 21 months old and when I saw her in CA this summer, she was having quite a bit of stranger anxiety, so I didn't get to enjoy her as much as I wanted. My sister assures me she's grown out of it now, so I'm hopeful. I'm going to love on my nephew too, but he's 13 and sometimes harder to hold on to!
Writing in this blog has been interesting and I'm finally becoming more comfortable with it and with reading/commenting on so many of yours. Thank you for reading mine and especially for the comments. I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas/ Happy Hanukkah/ Happy Kwanzaa, etc. I look forward to reading about all of your holiday celebrations and especially look forward to hearing about the arrival of this Wee One. I will pop in and update my blog when I can.
I hope you are all surrounded with love during this time of year.

This does NOT help my Christmas spirit

U.N. divided over gay rights declaration

UNITED NATIONS (Reuters) - The U.N. General Assembly split over the issue of gay rights on Thursday after a European-drafted statement calling for decriminalization of homosexuality prompted an Arab-backed one opposing it.
Diplomats said a joint statement initiated by France and the Netherlands gathered 66 signatures in the 192-nation assembly after it was read out by Argentina at a plenary session. A rival statement, read out by Syria, gathered some 60.
The two statements remained open for further signatures, the diplomats said. No resolution was drafted on the issue and there was no voting, they added.
The division in the General Assembly reflected conflicting laws in the world at large. According to sponsors of the Franco-Dutch text, homosexuality is illegal in 77 countries, seven of which punish it by death.
The European Union-backed document, noting that the 60th anniversary of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights was marked this month, said those rights applied equally to all people, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity.
It urged states "to take all the necessary measures, in particular legislative or administrative, to ensure that sexual orientation or gender identity may under no circumstances be the basis for criminal penalties, in particular executions, arrests or detention."
But the opposing document said the statement "delves into matters which fall essentially within the domestic jurisdiction of states" and could lead to "the social normalization, and possibly the legitimization, of many deplorable acts including pedophilia."
"We note with concern the attempts to create 'new rights' or 'new standards,' by misinterpreting the Universal Declaration and international treaties to include such notions that were never articulated nor agreed by the general membership," it added.
This, it said, could "seriously jeopardize the entire international human rights framework."
Muslim countries have for years opposed international attempts to legalize homosexuality.
U.S. officials said the United States had not signed either document. They said the broad framing of the language in the statement supporting decriminalization created conflicts with U.S. law, but gave no further details.
But Dutch Foreign Minister Maxime Verhagen told reporters it was a "very special day at the U.N."
"For the first time in history a large group of member states speaks out in the General Assembly against discrimination based on sexual orientation," he said. "With today's statement, this is no longer a taboo within the U.N."
Syrian Ambassador Bashar Ja'afari told reporters sponsors of the statement had "cornered" other members by springing the declaration on them.

What the h*ll is wrong with this country?

What a weekend!

This past weekend wasn't at all what I anticipated it was going to be. The only plans we had were:

• Get our Christmas tree Saturday around noon. Put it in the stand with water and let it sit
• Hair appointment for Shell & our girl at 1:30
• While they are there, take the boy with me to finish up buying Shell's gift
• Sunday it would be snowy and cold, so spend the day decorating the tree, doing laundry and finish the Christmas cards for mailing on Monday

What actually happened:

• Shell's car got a flat tire sometime late Friday, so she took my car to work that night. We figured we'd just drop it off at the shop before heading to pick out our tree Saturday morning.
• Neither of us could get the lug bolts loose enough to put the spare tire on. Called my dad to come over and help. He was already waiting on a call from us to pick up our tree, so he headed over, loosened the bolt and went to run an errand.
• We got the spare tire on and Shell headed to the shop. Me and the kids went to the grocery store and found a really great looking tree. And it was only $30! Called my dad to come pick it up, picked up Shell and met dad at home to put the tree in the garage.
• Dropped off the kids with my mom so we could hopefully get the rest of our shopping done. We shopped for a couple of hours, had CiCi's Pizza for dinner and then went back to pick up the kids. They were in the middle of watching a movie, so we went home to put the tree in the stand. Picked them up a little later, went home and collapsed into bed.
• Got about 4 inches of snow overnight Saturday and it was very cold on Sunday. Was very surprised to see that the tree didn't drink any water since being in the stand. Not a good sign. Stared outside willing the snow to melt to no avail.
• Drove to my parents house to borrow a saw from my dad so I could saw a fresh cut on the trunk of the tree. Pulled the tree out of the stand and carried it back out to the garage, while it dripped water across the floor. Sawed until my back hurt, then Shell took over and finished it off. Took off a few more bottom branches and then took it back inside. Wished with all our might that our beautiful tree would drink lots of water and not die.
• Took Shell to get her car and I took the kids to the grocery store. Needed to get ingredients so the kids could make Edible Cells for their science projects. DUE THE NEXT DAY. Gotta love the prior notice...
• Got home, threw some laundry in the washer. Shell & I worked on making dinner while the kids took their showers.
• I finished the Christmas cards and got them all addressed and stamped.
• We were elated to see that the water in the stand was considerably lower, so the kids and I put all the lights on the tree before we ate. Dinner was the most amazing chicken noodle soup ever. Every time we make it, it gets better. After dinner we put the ornaments on the tree, the kids worked on and completed their projects and were in bed at 10:45. An hour and 15 minutes later than should have been, but everything got done. Whew!

Here are a couple pictures from the tree decorating.

My girl hanging ornaments

Joe sniffing in the ornament box

My boy hanging ornaments

Willow in the way... as usual

Used the flash to emphasize the green in the tree

Already??

I can not believe that Christmas is in two weeks. I wish that we had another month (at least) before it was here. Definitely another paycheck would be nice too. We're about half done with our shopping, and it looks like we've barely started. I did mail off my nieces' gifts today, which accounted for some of it. But still.

It's very weird to not be sending anything to my best friend. We had agreed that since I bought his ticket to see Madonna, that would be his Christmas gift. And to be honest, it was more than I would normally spend on his gift. It just bums me out to not be sending anything to him.

And I'm being kind of pouty that I won't be getting much this year either. See, my ticket to see Madonna was my Christmas gift as well. I was totally okay with it too. But now I'm sort of sad that the only gifts I get will be from my parents. I think that my kids will probably make something for me which I will love, but nothings coming from Shell. She is a master gift-giver and always gets me the best gifts. So I'm mourning the loss of that. I know it's awfully selfish of me to think this way, since I know there will be many people sacrificing their own gifts in order to be able to afford ones for their kids. And I am totally on that bandwagon. I really wish we could afford to do more for our kids this year, but we can't. And I need to stop the "poor me" pity party.

I took pictures of the kids last weekend in hopes of choosing one for our Christmas card. There were a few good ones to choose from, but we made up our minds, ordered them and I picked them up today. They will start going out in the mail tomorrow. I had hoped to get them out by the end of this week, so I am pretty happy. Here are the ones we chose from:

So you can see my dilemma. My kids are SO FREAKING CUTE, that it was very difficult to make a decision. I really wanted to use the last one, but the sun shining on my boys face really washed him out. Same with the second one. I'm not going to post the one we used just yet, since my best friend is actually getting the card and I'd rather not put it here before he sees the card itself. I'll put it here next week for sure.

StephLove tagged me for a photo meme. Thanks, this one was really fun! Here are the rules:

1) Choose the fourth picture folder on your computer
2) Choose the fourth picture
3) Explain the picture
4) Tag four other people

My picture is:

My boy on Easter 2004. He is 5 years old and at my parents house. The assortment on the floor is what was in his bucket from them. My mom goes crazy buying stuff for the kids at Easter. We hardly get them anything at all because of it. The plastic eggs are his haul from the egg hunt.

I tag Karen, Teaberry, Vikki and Vee.

We will be getting our tree this weekend and will decorate it and put the presents under it. The rest of the house is decorated as is the front of the house. I don't put lights on the house, mostly because I've never done it and have no idea where to start, but also because I'm scared of being on the ladder. So we have two prelit trees in the yard, lights all around the railing of the porch and stairs, and a lighted wreath. It's bright and colorful, the kids like it and I didn't have to climb on any ladders to do it. Everyone's happy!

November Wrap Up

Two posts in one day!!!

The last Saturday of November is kind of a blur. My boy woke up around 12:30am and threw up. Right onto the floor in his room. Carpented floor I might add. YAY! He continued to be sick pretty much continually through the morning. Though thankfully it was caught in either the trusty bowl by his bed or the toilet. It finally stopped around 2:00 in the afternoon. Needless to say, I slept when he did. The day was pretty much a loss. Which was fine, because I had nothing planned. I did take some more pictures that morning though of the snow. It was so pretty and it's much easier to appreciate it when you don't have to go anywhere.

Over the back fence

Another view from the backyard

Closeup of trees with snow on them

After my boy stopped throwing up, he made his way downstairs. The kids watched TV and just relaxed. It was a really nice, laid back day. I did a lot of laundry that day, but even took my time with that. The dogs got some extra attention with everyone being home too.

My parents invited us over for brunch on Sunday. It was so good. Then we left the kids there while we did a little shopping. Got my mom's gift, part of the kids' gift from Santa, a Christmas dress for the girl, and their Christmas jammies. When we got back, my parents' new TV had been delivered, so we stayed and helped them get it set up. And ogle it a bit.

Went home, watched some TV, Shell watched football, and we all grieved a little over the end of the long relaxing weekend. Can't wait to do it again for Christmas...

Turkey Day & Friday

We had such a nice Thanksgiving this year. Since we had the big turkey dinner with my parents when Eric was here, my mom opted out of cooking it again. So we spent it with Shell's best friend and her family. When thinking about what we could bring, I considered making a pecan pie. Now, I have never had pecan pie but always thought it looked tasty. My parents, Shell & my boy don't like pecans, so it never seemed to make any sense to make a pie that I might like, knowing that no one else would eat it. I asked Dana if her family liked pecan pie, which was answered with an emphatic "oh my god, we LOVE pecan pie! Can you make it?" I figured it would be worth a try. I am obsessed with The Pioneer Woman Cooks website so I used this recipe for the pie. I made it Wednesday night so it could set up overnight. I was pretty proud of how it looked, but had no idea if it would taste good.

I don't know why it rotated like this, but here's how it looked.

Anyway, I also made pumpkin bread, because I know that one tastes delicious. Dinner was good, but it's hard to eat another family's traditional Thanksgiving dishes when the only ones you've ever had were from your family. I missed my mom's dressing and gravy a LOT. Theirs were good, just different. After we recovered some from dinner, I was anxious to try my pie. I ate the first piece and thought it was really good. They recommended having it with vanilla ice cream, which was really delicious. Luckily, everyone who ate it said it was very good. I was so happy. My girl thought it was yummy too. I hope I have a reason to make it again. I'm not sure if it's so smart to make a whole pie for two people to eat.

We got home around 7ish, checked out the Black Friday ads, decided there was really nothing that we HAD to go out for and were all in bed by 10. We missed not having any leftovers, but we invited my parents over for chimichangas on Friday and had plenty left over from that. I also made pancakes for breakfast on Friday. It was a very yummy day after Thanksgiving!

It started to snow fast and heavy Friday night. These are pictures I took a couple of hours after it started.

Dogs in the backyard

The tree in the front yard. You can see the snow falling.

View from the front of the house.

Extravaganza

It's a little late, I know. And I considered not posting about it at all as more time passed, but I decided not to.

Last Saturday was the Black Belt Extravaganza and my boy ROCKED his performance. The audience was clapping along and he got great applause when he finished. The whole show was great, but his part was my favorite. Of course!

We had to be there at 11am to start practicing and the show didn't start until 5. My parents brought Shell & my girl with them. The boy was so excited that he had so many people there to see him. My parents haven't ever gone to any of his karate events, and Shell goes to very few. We were very proud of him. He received his Conditional Black Belt, so he will progress check in January and test for his Black Belt in April. It's pretty neat that he will be a Black Belt at 10 years old.

Cinderella & Her Prince

I am so excited today after finding out that my kids got lead parts in their school musical. The musical is Cinderella with a modern feel. My girl is Cinderella and my boy is the Prince. I am so, so proud of them. I can't wait to get home tonight to see their reactions. I found out early because their choir teacher emailed the cast list to me. She thought I *might* want to know. Did I ever!
My girl has wanted this part since the beginning of the school year when she found out that they were doing this for the musical. Her teacher mentioned that her brother would probably make a good Prince, but my girl wasn't too sure. She said "I can't be in love with my brother!" I think we've kind of convinced her that that's what acting is all about - pretending to be someone you're not.
Tomorrow is the Karate Extravaganza. My boy is ready to perform his form and get his new belt.
My kids are stars!

A Week Ago...

... I saw Madonna in concert. It was all I was expecting, plus some. Our seats weren't really that bad, and with the binoculars that Eric brought, we saw everything we wanted to. What a show!

We were running a bit later than we had planned and were just getting to the Pepsi Center at 8 (scheduled start time). We knew that she started 90 minutes late at the L.A. show, but were a bit afraid to count on it happening here. After rushing to get to our seats, we sat and waited. She started at 9:30. Nobody that we could see even seemed fazed by this, except for one guy who probably was dragged there anyway. We were on our feet from the start and I would have stayed that way if my feet didn't start aching from the boots I was wearing. Finally I took them off and stood the rest of the time pain-free.

She did a lot of songs from her newest album Hard Candy, which I really like. She also sang Borderline, Vogue, La Isla Bonita, Get Into the Groove, Like A Prayer, and the first verse and chorus of Like A Virgin. She also did an acoustic version of You Must Love Me from Evita. It was beautiful. She did other songs including Music, Ray of Light, Hung Up, & Human Nature. FUN, FUN, FUN!!! I had a really great time and I got to share it with my best friend.

We didn't get back home until around midnight and then stayed up talking until 4am. I realized then more than ever that even though I talk to him on the phone pretty often and we IM a lot, that nothing compares to talking face to face. On previous visits, I am usually sad and kind of mopey the day that he leaves. He mentioned it once and I made a conscious decision to not do it this time. His visit just wasn't long enough to not enjoy every moment possible. So last Wednesday while driving him to the airport, I patted myself on the back a little for not being that way this time. He agreed, but said that I did seem sad the night before. The thing is, I wasn't so much sad that he was leaving, but sad with the realization of what I don't have. I don't have someone I can just hang out with and talk to. I have my wife of course, but it's not the same. The closest I have to a "hang-out" friend is Shell's best friend, and it's not really fair to vent about my wife to her. While I love hanging out with her and her girlfriend, I wish I had someone of my own. And to be honest, I just wish I had Eric here. We have shared memories and stories and experiences and inside jokes and confidences. He could never be replaced and I honestly don't have the time to invest in a new friend anyway. So pity party over. I am grateful for what I do have, I just can't help it if I miss having more.

To end on a high note, here are a few pictures from the Denver show. (I didn't take these)

Christmas Meme

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper
2. Real tree or Artificial? real
3. When do you put up the tree? the second week of December
4. When do you take the tree down? depends on how dead it looks, but by Dec. 31 at the latest
5. Do you like eggnog? no, it's yucky
6. Favorite gift received as a child? a purple phone for my room
7. Hardest person to buy for? everyone. I struggle every year for gift ideas.
8. Easiest person to buy for? my youngest niece
9. Do you have a nativity scene? yes, but I don't always put it out
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? mail
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? I really can't think of any. I'm pretty easy to buy for.
12. Favorite Christmas Movie? A Christmas Story
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? the day after Thanksgiving
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? no
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? butter cookies
16. Lights on the tree? of course
17. Favorite Christmas song? Carol of the Bells
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? stay home
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's? yep
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? angel
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? one on Christmas Eve, the rest in the morning
22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? worrying about the money needed to buy gifts
23. Favorite ornament theme or color? I like lots of color on the tree
24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? ham
25. What do you want for Christmas this year? happiness & joy for my kids

I tag StephLove , jilliebean , renaissance woman , teaberry , mrs. bluemont

3 1/2 Hours

...until my best friend is here. YAY!!!
I'm so excited.

And the Madonna concert is on Tuesday...

And my mom is going to make turkey dinner on Sunday...

And we are going out to the bar on Saturday...

And I don't go back to work until Thursday...

Does it get any better?
Hope everyone has a great weekend!

A Rose is a Rose is a Rose

copied from hollywoodfarmgirl ~
when the government declared the illegality of interracial marriages unconstitutional in the late 60s, it was not a unanimous decision. in fact, 80% of the country was against it. thank goodness the country led us into better perspectives, and didn't leave it up to the humanly flawed citizens. but now... we're going to VOTE on equality? "is this person the same value as that person? say ay or nay..."

would rosa have wanted the people to VOTE whether or not she could get on the bus?

would martin have waited for a VOTE to see if everyone thought blacks should be equal? i think not.

no matter how many voters there are wrenching away MY RIGHTS into their bigotted hands.... you can't take my family away from me. you can't make us stop loving each other. you simply can't. try to vote on that.

PRESIDENT OBAMA!!! if you can finally make it to first-class citizenship, then so can i. one day.

I may not live in California, but the decisions made in that state concerning the rights of people like me do affect me. If it's ok for California and Florida and Arizona to write discrimination into their constitution, what will stop other states from doing the same?

Happy and Sad

I am so incredibly happy that Barack Obama was elected our next President.



I am proud that for the first time in 16 years, Colorado is a BLUE state.



I am glad that we elected a Democrat as Senator. Not to mention that we already have a Democratic Governor.



I am heartened that of the 7 open seats in the House, Colorado elected Democrats to 5 of them.

One is the nation's first openly gay non-incumbent and the other trounced the uber-conservative & homophobic incumbent to become the first Democrat to hold Colorado's 4th Congressional District seat in 36 years.



I am relieved that the measure that would have defined life as beginning at conception was defeated by more than 70%.



BUT

I am so disappointed with the results on Prop 8 in California. People actually want to write an amendment to the state consitution stating that marriage can only be between a man and a woman. When will we become better than making it a law to discriminate?

It is another blow to see similar ballot measures in Arizona and Florida passing as well. Unbelievable.

It broke my heart to see that Arkansas passed a measure that prohibits unmarried sexual partners from adopting children or from serving as foster parents. This applies to gay couples, unmarried straight couples and single people. Can somebody explain to me how it is better for these kids to stay in the system then for them to find parents who want them, regardless of the makeup of their family? I don't get it.

It's hard to be excited and crushed at the same time, but that's what I am today. Hopeful and despairing. It sucks. It just doesn't seem right that people should get to vote on my rights. Or that discrimination in any form is law. There is only so much that our new President will be able to accomplish, especially since he's going to be dealing with the way Bush is leaving our country. But I have to hold out hope that he will make some change somewhere towards equality and fairness for my family and others like it. Along with everything else that I believe he can do. How long until January 20th?

Halloween

I wanted to get this post up before it got too far past Halloween to make sense. I finally remembered to bring my flash drive to work so I could get these pictures up.

Here are my boy and girl on Halloween this year:

And here are a few of my boy on Halloweens past:

And of course, my girl:

I realize that I am missing a few years in there. These are just the ones I have either digitally or scanned in. Must add "Scanning hundreds of pictures" to my list of things to do. I'm sure it will get done someday...

Just Do It!

How could anyone NOT want to vote in this election? Even if you think your vote doesn't count, do it anyway! We all have a stake in how the country is run for the next 4 years, I just don't get it. This has been the most personally taxing election season for me. I voted for Hillary in our Caucus, and although I was disappointed that she didn't make it, I was so proud that a woman made it so far. I did my homework and became confident in Obama's abilities. I was proud once again while watching the first African-American accept a major party's nomination. My party's nomination. I have researched everything I can find to be sure, and there is no doubt in my mind that Barack Obama NEEDS to be the next President of the United States. I hope that the majority sees it that way.
We have a Definition of Person amendment on our ballot this year. No question, voted NO.
I also voted for Jared Polis for Congress. If elected, he will become the 3rd openly gay member of Congress. That's exciting. And no, I didn't vote for him just because he's gay.
I wish I could vote on California's Prop 8. I would proudly vote NO. Again, I hope that the majority of people do the same.
I have talked about the candidates and issues of this election so much, I will be happy to talk about something else after the results are in. But I would gladly keep up the debate if it meant that EVERYONE who is able, would do their homework and vote. I will sit and watch the results trickle in, and believe that THIS time, the right person will be elected.

Backtrack

Back in August when my kids went back to school, I took these pictures of them but my daughters' ID had her name and the name of her school on it. Since I didn't want them in view, I thought I was going to have to forget about posting them here. But after asking my best friend if he could help me out, VOILA! Here they are:

L to R: My Boy, My Girl, My kids with their cousins.

Whirlwind

I know, I know! I totally failed at my goal. So much has been going on and everytime I think I should write about it I feel exhausted just thinking about it. I really should write about the weekend in Breckenridge. It was ridiculously hard for both of us, but we made it through and he passed. I am so proud of him that whenever I try to tell anyone about it, I can't find the right words. The next step for him is to create a 45 minute form and perform it on Nov. 22 with the other people who made it through. Then he will get his conditional black belt. He has to do the form to music and after considering quite a few he decided to use Get Back by the Beatles. So far it looks great. Again, so proud...
My parents got a new puppy over the weekend. She is a 4 month old Standard Poodle. She is so sweet. Her name is probably going to be Layla, I love it.
We took the kids to Elitch's yesterday. They decorate the park for Halloween and have kiosks set up where the kids can trick or treat and get candy. We took my girl's best friend and Shell's best friend's son with us so the kids would have someone to ride the rides with other than each other. We went at noon so we could get cheap tickets. They were only $8 each and after 5:00 they were $36! It was a reasonably inexpensive way to spend the day.
I can't believe that Halloween is on Friday. We bought costumes for the kids last week. My boy is the villian from Scream and the girl is wearing a Renaissance style dress. We've never before allowed them to wear masks while trick or treating, but the Scream one pretty much demands it. My boy knows this is a big deal for us, but he assured us that he can see okay with it on. We'll be with them the whole time, so at least we can keep an eye out for him too.
Election Day is next week. I got my mail in ballot on Friday, and I've got it about halfway filled out. I don't want to mail it back in, so I'll be dropping it off this week. I'm definitely ready for the political commercials and calls to stop. Bring on the next president! Just as long as it's Obama...
My best friend will be here next Friday. I'm really excited, but I've got a lot to do before he gets here. My house is a filthy mess. The kids and I worked out a gameplan, and we'll get to work tonight. Bring on the cleaning and organizing!
That's all I've got for now. Time to get back to work. Oh and I think I'm getting a raise. Yay!

Blogaversary

I missed it. My one-year anniversary of keeping this blog was on October 10. I'm really proud of myself for still keeping it up one year later. When I started it, I really wasn't sure if I would be able to, but I did. My posting has been spotty at times, and I think I've only recently become more committed to it. I'm enjoying it, and that's really what's important.
Tomorrow is the day. The Karate testing retreat starts tomorrow evening and I am FREAKING OUT. I am so afraid that I will not be prepared. Tonight I need to make sure all the food is cut up and in a central area for packing tomorrow. We will pack our suitcase tonight and make sure that all weapons and sparring gear are accounted for. I am hoping that I can sleep in for a little while in the morning, maybe my boy will too. We'll eat a good breakfast, pack up the car and leave around noon. We're stopping by to pick up ice from my parents (they have an industrial icemaker), and then off to the mountains we'll go.
Wish us luck!

Looking Back

I've always been the type of person to have just a few close friends. I never had a large group of good friends. Groups of friends, but not necessarily ones I'd call close. I can tell you who my close friends were in every grade. It was usually 2 to 3 people, always girls. In eighth grade, I was a part of a close group of 5 friends, 2 of them were boys. I loved these people in the biggest way my 13-14 year old heart could. They still hold a place there, for what they gave me that year, a true sense of belonging & acceptance.



Left to Right: Alex, Mary, Me, Nathan, Judy



Mary, Nathan & I had parents who were still married. Judy & Alex both lived with their dads and had minimal contact with their mothers. We all had younger siblings we could commiserate about. Judy was the first friend I'd ever had who was rebellious. I spent a lot of time at her apartment and being around her made me feel less of a goody-two-shoes. We were inseparable all year, but after high school started, we drifted apart. I am glad we have reconnected in recent years. Mary was a lot like me in many ways. We were not edgy or daring. Our parents had strict rules and we pretty much followed them. We were not the types of girls who got a lot of attention from boys. We were not popular, any of us really. Nathan was Mary's "boyfriend", and was a very sweet kid. He was Mormon and had the strictest parents of any of us. He was a wild child just waiting to break out. Right before the year ended, he became my first "boyfriend". Unfortunately, once summer started, his parents wouldn't let him go anywhere or talk on the phone for long. That relationship was doomed from the start. However, it did give me some self-esteem that I was lacking. SOMEONE was interested in me. It was a gift I'll never forget. Mary ended up going to a different high school than me, and I ended up losing contact with them both. I have been in touch with both of them occasionally over the years, but nothing lasting. I hope they are both happy and well. Alex and I have known each other since the third grade. We were not friends then and after moving away, he came back to my school in fifth grade. That's the first year I can remember wanting attention from boys and failing at getting it. I wanted Alex to like me. He did not seem to be interested. He popped up in my life again in 8th grade, and became part of my family of friends. He always had a smile for me and was goofy and endearing. He never acted like he was interested in anything more than being friends. Our little group broke up once the summer started and my relationship with Alex suffered the same fate. We found each other again later in high school, and feeling like maybe fate had a hand in all of it, I agreed when he asked me to be his girlfriend. It was very short-lived. It just wasn't meant to be, for many reasons, some more obvious than others. We parted ways and although we continued to run into each other here and there, it's only been in the last few years that we've become friends again. I cherish the memories I have of him, but really hold dear the relationship we have now. He is a true friend, one that I feel comfortable trusting with vulnerable pieces of myself. He is not a threat to my marriage, nor am I to his. But we have a history that, although it's missing quite a few years, is special to us both. I love him, he is my friend.
There are many times that I look at pictures of friends that I've had, many who I have lost touch with, and wonder how they are and what they are doing now. I wish that I had known then to hold them a little closer and appreciate them a little more. I miss them and sometimes I miss who I was when I knew them. There are many things I would have done differently (who can't say that?), but there is no way I would trade the friends I've had.

Counting Down

We are in the countdown to the Breckenridge retreat now. 3 more days until it starts. I am FREAKING OUT and trying very hard to not let my boy see it. I am so worried about not being prepared. I'm pretty sure that I'll end up taking too much food, but better that than not enough right? We are heading up on Friday around noon and it should take us about 2 hours to get there. Check in time for the hotel is 4pm, so first we'll stop and eat and then we'll get everything moved from the car to the room. I am hoping we can then lay down and rest for a while until it's time to get started. He has to be dressed and ready to bow in at 7pm. And then the fun starts...
I put gas in my car this morning for $2.88 a gallon. I don't really have anything else to say on this subject, at least not that I want to get into right now. I just wanted to write it. I'm so happy that it's under $3.

Lesbian Questionnaire

I got this from Denise's blog. Looked like fun. If she can do it, so can I!

Are you sure of your sexual orientation? Or are you confused? 100% sure. Have never had one day of confusion

Are you open with your sexuality? Or is it a secret? I am very open.

Who was the 1st person you told that you’re a lesbian? I think I told my best friend first. It's hard to remember because I "came out" to everyone at the same time. But I think I said the words out loud for the first time to him.

Is your hair short, medium, or long? It's just above my shoulders, so kind of short & medium?

Would you ever shave your head? I don't think so, too afraid of how I'd look without hair.

Do you own anything with the Gay Rainbow on it? Oh yes! I have two bumper stickers on my car, both kids have Pride stuffed animals, I have a necklace and keychain, Shell has a lighter and a bracelet. We love the rainbows.

Do you consider yourself a Stud, Androgynous, or Femme? Femme

What type of females are you most attracted to? I really like soft butch girls.

What FAMOUS Lesbian is your favorite? My favorite? I LOVE Rosie O'Donnell. And Melissa Etheridge. And Tammy Etheridge. And Leisha Haley. And...and...

Do you like watching The L Word? YES! I am so sad this will be the last season. :(

What is your favorite lesbian movie? Fried Green Tomatoes

Do you have any Pride tattoos? If not, would you ever get one? No. I would if the design was right.

Do you go to Gay/Lesbian clubs? On the rare instances that I go to clubs, yes they are.

Would you ever be a Drag King? (If you’re not already) No, I don't think it's in me.

What name would you go by if you did do Drag? I have no idea. Never thought about it.

Have you ever been mistaken for a Male? No

Would you ever have a sex change to become a Male? No

How do you feel about Homophobia? There is no place for it. Anywhere. EVER.

How do you feel about Gays/Lesbians having children? The same way I do about straight people having kids. It's not for everyone.

If it were legal, would you marry another Female? Absolutely. I'd like to wait until it's legal in my state or until it recognizes marriages performed in other states.

Have you ever attended a Gay Pride Festival? Yep

Do you wear make-up? a little

Do you carry a wallet - or a purse? Purse

Do you wear Male clothes? I borrow shirts from Shell sometimes, and most of them are men's. I don't buy men's clothes specifically for me, but I do wear them.

Do you prefer wearing cologne instead of perfume. On me? neither. On other women? Depends on what it smells like.

Do you have several piercings & tattoos? Not several. One tattoo and 2 piercings in each ear.

Do you have a crush on a female celebrity, if so, who? Janet Jackson

Do you have more Gay/Lesbian/Bi friends than you do Straight friends? It's about even

Have you ever been gay bashed? Thankfully, no.

Did anyone stop having contact with you after you came out of the closet? There were a few people that I lost touch with after, but in time they came around.

What is your favorite gay/lesbian quote? Focus on Your Own Family

Do you believe you were born a lesbian? Without a doubt.

Are you proud? Or ashamed of your sexuality? I am proud of who I am, sexuality and all.

So I'm not perfect...

I didn't post yesterday. But I'm not going to consider it a failure, just an opportunity to do better. So maybe I'll post more than once someday to make up for it. Maybe.
I had an appointment yesterday morning to get my teeth cleaned. No cavities for me! Then I dropped my car off to have the brakes looked at. I was really afraid that I might have to do the rotors too, but thankfully I just needed to replace the brake pads. I had them do my oil change and a couple of other maintenance stuff in preparation for our drive to Breckenridge next weekend. $400 later, I am now officially stressing out about where the money to pay for the test is going to come from. And how we are going to pull off Christmas. I've got to buy a plane ticket for my best friend to come next month and I really need to do it soon to try to get a good price.
One of my favorite TV shows is on tonight. I have been watching ER since the very beginning and this is the last season. I know that it doesn't have the highest quality writing, but it is familiar and I love the characters. I don't watch a lot of TV, compared to most people I know. On Mondays I watch The Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother & Samantha Who (or at least I will be once it come back next week). Wednesday we watch Pushing Daisies. Then I watch ER on Thursday and Ghost Whisperer on Friday. I tape Oprah every day and watch when I can, usually deleting about a quarter of them that don't interest me. This year, I'm taping Dancing with the Stars because my girl wants to watch it, thanks to my mom who watches every reality/game/contest show that's out there and "shared" DWTS with my girl. Of course, she wants me to watch it with her. I do it because I love her. I would not be watching it if I didn't. Well maybe just to see Misty May-Treanor in skimpy outfits... On the weekends, Shell & I watch Food Network shows together. I love cuddling up in bed with her and watching other people cook. Of course, if things like the Presidential Debates or the Academy Awards or definitely Christmas movies are on, then my TV watching increases. But for the most part, that's it.