Happy Halloween

I can not believe that it's Halloween. There are less than 2 months until Christmas! This is going to be a very tight holiday for us. Usually we go way overboard with our spending and have too much fun. Well this year we'll be lucky to get the things we REALLY want for others, probably won't get to the things we'd just LIKE to give. More on that as the weeks count down.

My life has been crazy-busy lately. Work has been the most hectic and stressful for me it has ever been - in 5 years at my job I've never considered leaving. Well in the last couple of months I have found myself seriously contemplating it. This saddens me. I need to figure out something though, because it's taking its toll on my overall mood more and more. And that really pisses me off.

I adore my kids. I really, really like them as people in their own right, and I love them to pieces as my children. Their intelligence, imagination, creativity, compassion... Well, all of those and more just amaze me and make me very proud to be their mom. But as they are getting older, I am feeling less confident in my abilities. For example, they both had a project due for school. Same one, as they are in the same grade in a school that believes (as do I) that all kids in a grade should be learning the same thing, thereby leveling the playing field. Anyway... The project was to make a Medieval Castle. They are learning about the Middle Ages, and also had to write a report and do an oral presentation to accompany it. But the castle was the main attraction. I was lost. Couldn't figure out how to do it, so instead of tackling it a little at a time over the last month (since the assignment was given), we started it on Sunday. It was due today. My brilliant children have had their written reports done for 2 weeks now. To say the least, I was in panic mode. Shell had some ideas, we used a few. I had no ideas and flew by the seat of my pants. We did get them finished in time to turn in, but when I dropped them off at school with their castles, I saw other kids with amazing castles. I don't think I could have come up with those even with more time. It makes me sad for my kids. I wonder, but don't think I really want to know, what they think of me as a parent. I don't think they care that they have two moms, it's never affected them negatively at all. I want so much for them to look back fondly on their childhood. I'm afraid they won't sometimes.

The kids and their castles