What it's all about...

I'm a 39 year old wife, mom, daughter, sister, aunt & friend. That should tell you who I'll be writing about most of the time.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Follow Up

We saw Idina Menzel last night and as expected were blown away. She is an amazing vocalist and I am so glad we spent the money to see her. She performed at a small concert hall on the DU campus and we had great seats. Some of her family live in Boulder and were there, including her parents, sister and nephews. It was her sister's birthday, so she brought her onstage and sang Happy Birthday to her. She told stories of growing up and lots of anecdotes about her life. She sang a lot of songs from her newest album, one song from Rent, sang "For Good" from Wicked ~ a cappella!!!, and also "Defying Gravity" as her closing number. What an amazing show. Not to mention she is hot!
I've kind of been avoiding this follow up post from last weeks, because I'm just not sure what to say. Do I really want those people who know me in real life that *might* read this to know these things? Because on the outside, I think that I appear very "together" most of the time. I seem kind of unflappable, very go-with-the-flow. And most of the time I am. I don't let a lot of things get to me. I subscribe to a very low-key way of life, and really prefer it. Sure I get riled up plenty when I hear about LGBT issues or crimes against children and the such, but I really don't let it affect how I deal with my day-to-day-life. So when I feel very flustered like I have lately, it's difficult for me to deal with. And nearly impossible for me to let others know what's going on. Apparently this applies to virtual strangers who stumble upon my blog as well. Is this weird?
There are so many things contributing to my sense of floundering right now that I think to try to list them would overwhelm me. But one thing that was really weighing on me and affecting my relationship was a lack of intimacy. Largely affecting this (as it has since the kids were born) is Shell's work schedule. She works the night shift which is 9:30pm-6:00am. She leaves for work around 8:45 and gets home just before 7. So 5 nights a week, she leaves before the kids go to bed and gets home just before I have to leave for work. She has Saturday and Sunday nights off. Those end up being the nights we have sex. Which is and always has been a way for us to reconnect. After many years of stubbornly refusing to accept that sex is a major player in our relationship, I have learned that it is necessary for us. It's not the only thing or the most important, but it is very crucial to us as a couple. The most challenging times in our relationship have coincided with spans of time of little to no sex. It's not good for us. So as I was saying.... For about a month now, our weekend rendezvous's have been seriously lacking. Shell was sick with an upper respiratory infection for one of them, I very foolishly wound up with a bad sunburn that rendered me useless for another. We had the amazing morning sex that I wrote about, but that just doesn't fulfill the intimacy need. So we went into this past weekend with high hopes because Shell was taking Monday & Tuesday off for the concert. So that's four possible nights - shouldn't be a problem right?. Saturday morning she got home hoping that there'd be some time before the boy had to go to Karate. Unfortunately they changed the location and we had to leave earlier than planned. We were gone from 8am-5pm. Saturday night was a preplanned slumber party at our house since we were babysitting for our friends. We had their 6 and 2 year olds, my nieces and our kids. It was after 11 when they finally laid down to go to sleep. We were just too tired at that point. Saturday night=Strike 1. Sunday started out fine, but by the afternoon it was going downhill fast. We were bickering and generally pushing each others buttons (and not the fun ones). It had just been too long and we were feeling it big time. By the time we went to bed, neither of us was in the mood. Sunday night=Strike 2. Monday started off bad, but by the time I got home from work it was better. CANiece2 was spending the night along with my girl's best friend, so we had giggly girls in the house. Not a recipe for romance. Plus I think that we both were feeling a bit wounded from the night before, so we just cuddled while watching the Olympics and then fell asleep. Monday night=Strike 3. Last night was the concert and then we didn't get home until after midnight. She was tired, but I thought I'd try my luck anyway. It didn't start out well, we just couldn't seem to find our rhythm. It was obvious something was missing. We talked for a couple of minutes, and then started again. It was a success. Thank god! I think we are still feeling the repercussions from a long dry spell, but I am hopeful that at least this problem might be turning around for the better. This weekend will be busy since it's the last weekend before my nieces go home and before the kids start school, but we've just GOT to make time for us.
Here's to hoping that this is just the start of being able to cross many items off the list...

1 comment:

StephLove said...

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling blue. It can be hard to get out of those ruts, but I hope you can soon.