I've been thinking of writing a new post all week, but everytime I saw the post about the kids' birthday, I couldn't. I didn't want to move that from the top. I've reread it a number of times, and it makes me smile. What an amazing day it was and what an amazing ten years it has been. However, as the walrus said... The time has come...to talk of many things. So here we go.
My boy is fully entrenched in Prep Cycle and is enjoying it for the most part. I am very thankful that between one of the parents and a fellow classmate, he has had a ride to all Prep Cycel classes so far. Tomorrow I will be taking him since it is at his current school location. It's allowed me to be home a little more with Shell and my girl in the evenings. Last week, my girl spent a lot of time at my mom's house with my nieces. She has really enjoyed the time away from her brother, but we missed her a lot. For part of her birthday present, she went to see Martina McBride in concert with Shell last Saturday. They had 4th row seats and said the show was great. My girl said she is glad that Shell got earplugs for her, because it was too loud without them. But they had a great time.
We got the kids checked in for school. Their first day is Aug. 19. The boy has a male teacher this year, which will be a first for us. Not sure if it will make any difference, but I'm interested to see if it will. There will be an Open House the Friday before school starts when we can bring their supplies in and meet their teachers. I really like having this opportunity, as it gives us a chance to introduce ourselves and show their teachers what our family is made of. I know that our kids are fully capable of educating others about our family because they did it last year when the Open House was cancelled. And we are very proud of them for how they do it. But I prefer to take the pressure off of them whenever possible, and having the opportunity to meet with their teachers before school even starts is very valuable.
We are all very excited that we are going to see Idina Menzel on Tuesday night. For those who don't know, she originated the parts of Maureen in the stage production of Rent AND the part of Elphaba in the stage production of Wicked as well as playing Maureen in the film version of Rent. She has a couple of non-cast recording albums and we all really love her music. This will be our first concert/show as a whole family, which is very exciting for us. Can't wait!
Now that that's all out of the way... The last few weeks have been very rough for me emotionally. The best way to describe it is to say that I feel like I'm just barely keeping my head above water. I've felt overwhelmed by my life for months now, and it doesn't seem to be lessening. I haven't really written about it because taken separately it just feels like I'm complaining about normal everyday things. And maybe I am. But inside my head and my heart it is hard to reconcile my feelings as such. Everyday I wake up telling myself that today is going to be different. And every night I go to bed feeling like I failed yet again. I feel like I fail at being a worthwhile wife and mom and since I can't figure out who I am outside of that, I guess I've failed at being a worthwhile person too. I am just going through the motions every day and doing the very minimum to get through. I feel like I don't make a difference in the life of my family, and that's taking a big toll on me. But I don't know what to do. No that's not true. I think I do know what to do, I just can't seem to make myself do what I should. And what if that doesn't help? What do I do then? Is it useless to even try?