Change 101

I'm feeling pretty clever about my title for this post. It's post #101 and I'm going to write about a change I want to make this year. Change 101 - get it? Hehe. So I'm easily amused...
The biggest change I am GOING to make this year, is to lose weight and get healthier. In my whole life, I've never weighed this much. Even when I was pregnant with full term twins. That's an eye-opener. My BMI falls under the Obese category. I get seriously winded and my heart is pounding when I go up the two sets of stairs from the basement to my bedroom. My knees ache all the time. I'm so tired of buying bigger clothes so that I have something to wear that isn't tight. I don't want to be embarassed to be seen. It's taking a huge toll on me mentally and I'm afraid that I am spiraling towards depression. There are other things that are contributing to that (that I'm also planning on changing), but this plays a large part. When I'm around others, I am constantly thinking of how I appear to them. If I look down and notice my shirt stretched across my belly, I quickly try to either reposition myself or bunch up the fabric. If I cross my legs and my calf bulges out, I'll uncross them even if it's more comfortable the other way. This summer when I was in California, I had a very hard time relaxing. And I was with family & friends who I love and who I know love me too! But I couldn't stop thinking about how I should not be this heavy. The two days I spent in L.A. with Eric were the easiest of my whole trip. I could feel in my soul that he didn't judge me for my weight, and that was so freeing. But even with that, I still suffered from the embarassment I felt when I was winded and sweating after we'd leisurely walk somewhere. The stairs up to his apartment were brutal on my feet & knees and although he was so kind about asking me all the time if I was okay, it made me very ashamed that he needed to ask at all. And I'm disgusted that even after all that, it's taken me 7 months to decide to do something about it. For real. I talk about starting a diet, starting to walk, wanting to eat better, eating smaller portions all the time. It's constantly on my mind. But I don't follow through. Well, now I have to. Not only for my physical health, but my mental health as well. I know that I will never be a skinny person. I know that I will have to work hard to maintain when I reach my goal. But I feel like I am finally ready to fight this battle.
Next week, I am going to start a 7 day cleanse program. Get rid of the crap in my system and start fresh. I've tried quite a few diets, but this will be the first time with the cleansing. I'm excited about it.
I'm not ready to post my weight on here, but I look forward to posting my losses. Maybe when I'm closer to my goal I'll be ready to say where I started from, but not now. To be honest, I'm not really sure what my "goal weight" is yet. I know where my BMI says is healthy, and the high number in that range is so far away right now. So instead, I'm going to make smaller goals and revisit the "goal weight" once I'm closer. Plus, so much of my desire to lose weight is to get healthy and feel better, so the number on the scale won't be the only way I'll measure my successes. This is going to be hard and I expect that I may slip up from time to time. I accept that and realize that a slip up doesn't constitute giving up.
I feel like the inauguration of our new president has made this week the real first week of the new year.
And next week will be the first week of my new year. I'm both scared to death and excited beyond measure...

100th Post: Change

This is my 100th post. I was going to post yesterday, but when I realized that it would be the 100th, I decided to wait for today. I was/am going to post about the changes I need to make in my life this year, and thought that waiting to be able to acknowledge the inauguration of Barack Obama would be appropriate given his campaign promise of CHANGE. 2009 will be about change...
We have a new President. The first African-American President. I was afraid that something would happen to make it not come to pass. I am still fearful for the safety of our new President & his family, but I did breathe a huge sigh of relief when the swearing-in was over. I was fortunate that a co-worker brought in a small television so I could watch. I still haven't turned it off. I watched the ceremony with my 65 year old Hispanic co-worker. We both cried. This is a victory for everyone, but truly touches those who have encountered discrimination in their lives. The change that President Obama has promised is long overdue and is desperately needed. Today is about ceremony and celebrations, pomp and circumstance. But tomorrow will be the true first day with this man as our President. I can't wait...
As for me and my own planned changes. I want this to be the year that I find myself again. I will turn 35 in May, and although I don't identify with the notion that your age defines you, I don't want to get to 40 and regret not having done these things. I've spent too many years being unhappy with myself, and just as many years passing by without doing anything about it. So this is it. My 35th year will be my year. Better late than never right?

Christmas Aftermath

The day after Christmas started with another call from my dad saying that now he was really sick too and wondering if anyone else was feeling bad. We were all fine, thankfully. He said that they probably wouldn't be over that day, so we'd have to change plans a little, which was fine with us. Originally, Shell & I were going to make egg rolls and fried rice for dinner. But my sister bought my nephew tickets to see the Nuggets play that night as a Christmas present and told him he could pick who he wanted to go with him. He was smart and picked Shell, the most sports-minded person in my family. So we then changed the plan to egg rolls & rice as a late lunch. My parents really love the egg rolls we make, and when it was obvious they wouldn't be coming over, we decided to postpone it a day. Instead we hung around the house and mostly watched the kids play the Wii. My nephew was beside himself with excitement all day and couldn't wait to go. The game was scheduled at 7 and he thought that they should leave around noon. After checking, we found out that the parking lot wouldn't even be open until 4 and the doors opened at 6. This is him wearing the Nuggets shirt we bought him, counting the minutes until they were leaving:

I gave Shell a quick lesson in using my camera and they left about 5:00. It only takes about 20 minutes to get to the venue, so they were there early enough to chat with others outside and be one of the first inside. Their seats were really great and they both had a fun time. The Nuggets won and after the game, Shell begged a security guard to let my nephew stand on the court for a picture. They were told it was a big no-no, but got to anyway. Here are his feet on the edge, the only place he was allowed to stand.

This next picture is horribly blurry (so much for the lesson!), but it shows how close their seats were.

While they were at the game, my sister and I ran to the store and picked up Chipotle for the rest of us. We watched the second half of the game on TV and when they got home, we listened to my nephew recount it for us. His excitement was a bit catching. I really couldn't care less about basketball, but knowing he was at the game made me really want the Nuggets to win. It was a fun night.

The next day however was not fun at all. I woke up Saturday morning feeling sick to my stomach and that lasted all day. I never threw up, but all day I felt like I was on the verge of it. I was in bed most of the day, which made me sad that I was missing out on spending time with my sister and niece & nephew. My dad had called that morning too and said that my mom was still really sick, and that although he still didn't feel 100% better, he'd try to come by later that day since it was my sister's birthday. I went to the store with Shell to get a birthday cake, and while there I asked the pharmacist if she recommended anything for nausea. She had Cola Syrup behind the counter. Yes, Cola Syrup. Basically a dose of concentrated cola. At $2.79 for the bottle, I figured it was worth a try. I felt really horrible when we got home, so I took a dose and layed down. Shell woke me up 2 hours later to roll the egg rolls. My dad had made it over, so I made myself stay downstairs with everyone even though I really just wanted to go back to bed. I had a couple bites of rice and egg roll and a piece of ice cream cake. It was really yummy, but I was afraid to push it too far. My dad left after we had cake and I went back to bed. The whole day was pretty much shot. It totally sucked. But this is a cute picture of my sister and niece after she had cake.

And my niece playing on my computer. She was just typing away and opening windows like crazy. She had a great time.

I woke up Sunday morning and felt 95% back to normal. No more nausea, just felt a little beat up and kind of weak. But I knew I was on the road to recovery. Unfortunately it was just in time to see my sister & her family leave. My dad made it over again, but my mom still felt crummy. Everyone left about 9am. I took these last pictures of my sister & niece before they left.

I do miss them, but I am glad to have my house back. We spent the rest of the day doing laundry and made a run to Target to get some groceries and let the kids spend their gift cards on new Wii games. It was just a really nice day and was made so much better since I felt better. Unfortunately, at 2am Monday morning my girl was throwing up and I heard my sister & nephew were doing the same at their house. Luckily, school was still out for Winter Break, so my girl didn't have to miss school because of it. She did feel much better by Tuesday, which is when my mom started to feel better. And Sunday night, the same day I started feeling so much better, I got a head cold. That I still have. It's lovely, let me tell you. Oh well, it's much better than feeling like I'm going to throw up every second.

As for New Years, Shell worked like usual and I stayed up with the kids to see the ball drop. They had stayed up late the night before to watch The Goonies, Addams Family & Addams Family Values, so we were all ready for bed by 12:30 New Years Eve. We had sparkling cider, which is a huge treat. We LOVE sparkling cider in our house, hence the smiles:

HAPPY NEW YEAR! CHEERS TO A GREAT 2009!

Christmas Was...

full of laughter, love, family, joy and sickness.

I'm going to include lots of pictures, with some commentary to accompany them.

Not long after I wrote the post on Christmas Eve from work, I ended up in tears. I had an exchange with a couple of people in our other office that upset me so much, I couldn't stop the tears from falling. My boss was wonderful and defended me, but the damage was done. The "ugly cry" had happened. I was embarassed to join everyone for our lunch, since my eyes were puffy and my face was splotchy, but I sucked it up. It turned out nice and the food was very yummy. I ended up leaving around 2:30 and met up with Shell to take the kids back to our house. They had already gone to our friends' house, but my kids needed to do a gift exchange with their friend, so I drove them back to do that. Then we headed back to pierogie central and ate to our hearts content. It was just so good. The gift exchange was really for the kids, and even though we all cut back this year, they were just happy to get presents. My kids were thrilled with their gifts, as they came straight off their wish lists. Shell bought a pretty dress for Dana's niece to wear, since it was her first Christmas and the other girls were dressed up. I love that she is so thoughtful in that way. She's a softie when it comes to babies.

The kids at Dana's waiting to open presents

Shell with our gifts. She's such a kid!

Shell with the baby in her first Christmas dress,

After getting home, the kids opened their Christmas Eve presents (jammies) and we pulled up the website to track Santa. He was somewhere in Arkansas, so the kids panicked and ran up to bed BEGGING us to do the same. I was loving it, as they so obviously still believed enough to play by the rules. Shell & I wrapped up the last gifts that needed to be and then we opened the Wii and all the accessories and started reading. Thankfully, it seemed to be a pretty easy set up. So we put the controllers in the charger, plugged it in and arranged the rest of the stuff around it. While we were moving everything around under the tree, Shell made a discovery. We had forgotten to put out the cookies and milk for Santa! In the rush to get to bed, the kids didn't remember, and neither had we. So we set those out, and were in bed by 12:30. At 1:30 - yes 1:30 in the morning! - my boy came in our room with his pillow and comforter. I didn't have the energy to discuss it, so I just told him to lay down and go back to sleep. I think he was half asleep himself, as he didn't say anything and was asleep soon after. My girl brought her stuff in around 5:30 and proceeded to do the same.

They woke up for good around 6:30 and by 7 had convinced us that it was a good time to go downstairs. I went down first and got to see their reactions to the Wii. They were priceless. Excited and giddy are pretty good words to describe it. They were so surprised. After they stared at it for a little while and were convinced they weren't dreaming, we opened the rest of the presents. It wasn't chaotic and everyone really liked what they got. I got a gift card to Starbucks, lip balm, a shirt from Rosie.com, bras & underwear. It was EXACTLY what I needed.

Checking out the Wii

Opening presents

My girl opening Pokemon cards

My boy. What a face!

We ate cinnamon rolls for breakfast, I talked to my sister in CA and jumped in the shower. Before I was out, my parents arrived with my sister and her family. Chaos ensued as my dogs played with my parents' dog, hugs and kisses were exchanged, and gifts were inspected. It was loud, but wonderful.

My nephew

My sister & niece

She was being silly peeking through the rails. Turned out pretty

Kids & Dogs

My nehew & my wife

My dad Wii Bowling

We opened gifts and then Shell & I got started on dinner. We made ham, sour cream & chive mashed red potatoes, green bean casserole and rolls. Plus a pumpkin pie. Before it was time to eat, we munched on the myriad of snacks we had, and visited and hooked up the Wii. The kids played, as did my dad and sister's boyfriend. My niece entertained us all. It was very relaxed.

Everyone left soon after we ate; my parents to go home, and the others to get all their stuff. I got to keep my niece and we played with my girl in her room. She was happy and full of smiles. We had a great time.

Playing on the bed

Kissin Cousins

I got to watch Garfield with her. She loves that kitty!

My dad called later that night to say that my mom was really sick. And that started a chain of events that lasted through Monday. But I'll go in to that more in another post. This one is long enough for now.