Friday, October 28, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Half a semester down...
I'm two weeks into the second half of the semester, and feeling pretty good about where I am. I aced my music midterm, thanks to an extra credit assignment and have pretty good grades in my other classes. I received an invitation to join the honor society, which just blew me away and after discussing it with Shell, decided to join. Guess I'd better plan to keep my grades up, because I really want to wear the cool stole, cords, and tassel at graduation. :)
Speaking of grades, the kids got their first quarter report cards and they each have all A's with just one B, in geometry. They are doing so well, especially considering how busy we are. Football season is almost over for my boy, I think he only has one game left. Rehearsals for the musical my girl is in are in full swing, less than a month until the performance. We need to go shopping this weekend for her costume. Luckily, most of it, she could wear again, so at least we won't be spending money on something she'll never wear again. Speaking of costumes, I don't yet know if my kids are dressing up for Halloween yet. I don't think they were planning to, until the boy reminded his sister that since she is getting braces on after the first of the year, she won't be able to eat much candy next year. So, I think that she is reconsidering so she can trick or treat and eat candy. I don't know what she plans to be, but I'm sure she'll come up with something.
As a result of my being an adult and getting my exams, I'm having a small procedure done tomorrow. One of the moles that the dermatologist sent for biopsy came back positive for pre-cancer cells, so she wants to take the whole thing out and eliminate any chance that it might develop into cancer at some point. I'm told it's no big deal so I'm planning to return to work after it's done. There will be stitches, and the bandage will need to be changed at least once a day. I'm glad that I have Shell to do this for me, since it's on my back but this makes me wonder. What a pain it would be if I was single. I wonder if I'd have to drive to my parents house at least once a day to have one of them change the bandage?
Last but not least, my sister is getting a divorce. While my nieces were here this summer, my brother-in-law moved out. I'm told that it had come up previously, but after trying one thing after another, the decision to split was finally made while the girls were gone. So far, they are on the same page with everything. They are using a mediator, which seems like a much gentler way to end a marriage than having to deal with a lawyer. My parents however, have been shaken by this news. I think that it's a combination of the fact that they really like my brother-in-law, and that my sister's marriage has been a source of pride for them. When your daughter gets pregnant at 15 years old, her future probably looks pretty bleak. When she gets married at 16 to her 17 year old boyfriend, I don't think that you expect them to be together forever. They seemed to defy the odds though. They were married for almost 17 years, have 17 and 13 year old daughters, my brother-in-law went to the police academy and became a police officer and now a detective, my sister went to nursing school and is now an RN, and they own a cute house. On the outside, it couldn't be better. However, as with any relationship, noone really knows what it's like in each one except for those who are in it. And they had simply grown apart. From what I can tell, there isn't any animosity and they are agreeing on everything. I'm happy that my sister took control of her happiness and is moving toward being fulfilled in ways that she was no longer getting in her marriage. I'm sad for my nieces, but they seem to be handling it really well. I guess that is a sign that it was time as well.
This whole thing has made me look closer at my relationship with Shell. We have been through a lot of rocky patches that made us wonder, at the time, if it was worth staying together. I can honestly say that there were times that we probably stayed only for the kids and because splitting up would be a hassle. And had we not found ways to heal our relationship, I don't think we could have lived in that place we had allowed ourselves to get to. But we did heal, many times over, and we are now in a better place than we've ever been. I'm certain that the kids being older has a lot to do with that, but I also know that I value her more now than ever before. I've found and embraced the sex drive that I had all but lost, and even though I hate the size I am now, I also feel pretty good knowing that Shell finds me sexy and appealing and turned on by me. We text and email each other throughout the day to flirt, play games, or just say I love you. We don't have a lot of time together in the evenings, which is ironic now that she isn't working nights anymore, but we are making it work. And this, right now, makes me extremely thankful that we didn't give up before. This is what I hoped we could achieve, and even though we still have less-than-stellar moments, we bounce back from them much quicker. It's a much healthier model for our kids and that makes me very happy.
Oh, and somehow, I am having much better luck commenting on blogs all of a sudden. I don't know what changed, but so far it's going quite well. :)
Speaking of grades, the kids got their first quarter report cards and they each have all A's with just one B, in geometry. They are doing so well, especially considering how busy we are. Football season is almost over for my boy, I think he only has one game left. Rehearsals for the musical my girl is in are in full swing, less than a month until the performance. We need to go shopping this weekend for her costume. Luckily, most of it, she could wear again, so at least we won't be spending money on something she'll never wear again. Speaking of costumes, I don't yet know if my kids are dressing up for Halloween yet. I don't think they were planning to, until the boy reminded his sister that since she is getting braces on after the first of the year, she won't be able to eat much candy next year. So, I think that she is reconsidering so she can trick or treat and eat candy. I don't know what she plans to be, but I'm sure she'll come up with something.
As a result of my being an adult and getting my exams, I'm having a small procedure done tomorrow. One of the moles that the dermatologist sent for biopsy came back positive for pre-cancer cells, so she wants to take the whole thing out and eliminate any chance that it might develop into cancer at some point. I'm told it's no big deal so I'm planning to return to work after it's done. There will be stitches, and the bandage will need to be changed at least once a day. I'm glad that I have Shell to do this for me, since it's on my back but this makes me wonder. What a pain it would be if I was single. I wonder if I'd have to drive to my parents house at least once a day to have one of them change the bandage?
Last but not least, my sister is getting a divorce. While my nieces were here this summer, my brother-in-law moved out. I'm told that it had come up previously, but after trying one thing after another, the decision to split was finally made while the girls were gone. So far, they are on the same page with everything. They are using a mediator, which seems like a much gentler way to end a marriage than having to deal with a lawyer. My parents however, have been shaken by this news. I think that it's a combination of the fact that they really like my brother-in-law, and that my sister's marriage has been a source of pride for them. When your daughter gets pregnant at 15 years old, her future probably looks pretty bleak. When she gets married at 16 to her 17 year old boyfriend, I don't think that you expect them to be together forever. They seemed to defy the odds though. They were married for almost 17 years, have 17 and 13 year old daughters, my brother-in-law went to the police academy and became a police officer and now a detective, my sister went to nursing school and is now an RN, and they own a cute house. On the outside, it couldn't be better. However, as with any relationship, noone really knows what it's like in each one except for those who are in it. And they had simply grown apart. From what I can tell, there isn't any animosity and they are agreeing on everything. I'm happy that my sister took control of her happiness and is moving toward being fulfilled in ways that she was no longer getting in her marriage. I'm sad for my nieces, but they seem to be handling it really well. I guess that is a sign that it was time as well.
This whole thing has made me look closer at my relationship with Shell. We have been through a lot of rocky patches that made us wonder, at the time, if it was worth staying together. I can honestly say that there were times that we probably stayed only for the kids and because splitting up would be a hassle. And had we not found ways to heal our relationship, I don't think we could have lived in that place we had allowed ourselves to get to. But we did heal, many times over, and we are now in a better place than we've ever been. I'm certain that the kids being older has a lot to do with that, but I also know that I value her more now than ever before. I've found and embraced the sex drive that I had all but lost, and even though I hate the size I am now, I also feel pretty good knowing that Shell finds me sexy and appealing and turned on by me. We text and email each other throughout the day to flirt, play games, or just say I love you. We don't have a lot of time together in the evenings, which is ironic now that she isn't working nights anymore, but we are making it work. And this, right now, makes me extremely thankful that we didn't give up before. This is what I hoped we could achieve, and even though we still have less-than-stellar moments, we bounce back from them much quicker. It's a much healthier model for our kids and that makes me very happy.
Oh, and somehow, I am having much better luck commenting on blogs all of a sudden. I don't know what changed, but so far it's going quite well. :)
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Update and a Meme
I am so incredibly tired today and I think my body is starting to rebel against no downtime lately. This has been a busy week, which let's be hones, was preceded by many busy weeks and will be followed by many busy weeks. It all started (this week) on Saturday, when we cleaned our house from top to bottom. Seriously, it hasn't been this clean in months. I also had class that day. And that night Shell and the boy made cherry almond scones because we invited my parents over for brunch on Sunday. (Couldn't let the freshly cleaned house go unnoticed.) I got up at 8am Sunday morning and threw towels in the washer, started making bacon, and worked on some homework. My parents showed up at 11, we ate scones, bacon, frittatas, and hash browns then played Tripoley. The kids and I were not too sure about it as my mom was reading the directions, but it was a lot of fun. They left around 5 and I immediately started working on the study guide for my music midterm, which I'll be taking this Saturday morning.
Shell and I took the day off on Monday to schedule a couple of appointments that were long overdue. In 2007, I went to see a dermatologist because I have a lot of moles and freckles all over my body. She did a full skin check and recommended that I come back yearly so that she would have something to compare to. There weren't any at the time that really concerned her though. So I scheduled that "yearly" follow-up for Monday at 8:50am and dragged Shell along because she is always pointing out moles that she is concerned about. I'm glad that she went, because the doctor was able to ease her concerns about almost all of them and gave her a lesson on what to watch for. There was one on my back that usually gets rubbed by my bra, so even though she thought it wasn't a concern from a medical standpoint, she agreed to remove it. There was one that she wanted to check (also on my back), so she took a piece off to biopsy, along with the other. Skin check- done.
Our next set of appointments weren't until the afternoon, so we went to Cracker Barrel for breakfast and then home to watch some of our recorded shows. Then we were off to the gynecologist. Yay! We were there last in 2009, but the doctor said that unless there was a problem or concern, it's okay to go every 2-3 years. At least until I'm 40...which is in 3 years. My exam checked out okay, other than a high blood pressure. Shell was given an order to get some bloodwork done and we checked that off our list as well.
I couldn't get in for a well-woman check at my regular doctor that day, so it'll have to be scheduled still. The only other appointment that I needed to make was to get my teeth cleaned (I'm about a year behind on that one :/), but since I couldn't fit it in on my day off, I'll be going in for that at 7am on the 27th. But then the list of overdue annual appointments will be fulfilled. At least for this year :)
This Saturday is going to be busy all day long. Shell's bloodwork has to be done first thing in the morning, so I'll take her for that at 8am. I need to be in the testing center by 9 to take my music midterm, we have our hair appointment at 11, I have biology class at 1, and our boy has a football game at 3. I am going to be SO happy to get home after all that!
I saw this mem on Heidi's blog and even though I think I took one like it a couple of years ago, I thought I'd do it again. Oh, and I'm still having the worst time commenting on your blogs. I've tried over and over, and get into this endless circle of being logged out, then needing to preview, then trying to post and being told I have to log back in. I haven't successfully posted a comment in so long. I wish I knew for sure if it was a blogger thing, then I would go to wordpress for sure. But I don't want to do that only to find out that blogger wasn't the problem in the first place. Ugh!
Anyway, on to the meme!
Are you open with your sexuality? Yes, very. I never hide who my family is. This became my norm after my kids were born and I realized that to hide or stay in the closet about who we were would only give them the impression that there was something wrong with us, and I was not going to contribute to that ridiculous idea. So I've been open everywhere I worked, and my entire family knows. In truth, I'm proud of us and what we have. We've been together since were were 17 years old and we own our home, have two smart and overall awesome kids, two dogs and are loved and accepted by those who matter. Our children aren't ashamed of us, they invite their friends over and call us mommy and mama still, even in front of their friends. What we have is worth being open about.
Who was the 1st person you told that you’re a lesbian? I dont' remember actually saying "I'm a lesbian", but I told my best friend that Shell and I were a couple. Luckily for me, he had already come out to me a year or so before, so I got no judgment from him. :)
Overall, how difficult was it to come out? Actually, coming out was not difficult at all. The hard part was that my mom didn't like Shell, so I think that the opposition was more about who I was with than what her gender was. Now that said, if I went to my mom tomorrow and said that I thought I was wrong and I'm really straight? She'd probably throw a party and start lining up available men in a second!
Do you own anything with the Gay Rainbow on it? Yes. Bumper stickers, stuffed animals, buttons, shirts, jewelry... I like the rainbow. :)
Do you consider yourself Butch, Androgynous, or Femme? Of those three? Femme. But I don't really think of myself as a "femme". The extent of my makeup use is a little eye shadow and some eyeliner. I wear chapstick, not lipstick. I abhor pantyhose and skirts. My hair is short and cut so that styling it takes minimal time. I don't wear perfume and I keep my nails short. I often go several weeks between shaving my legs. See, not really very "femme", but it's the closest of the three.
What type of females are you most attracted to? Butch girls do it for me. They don't have to be stone butch, soft butch is okay too.
What famous lesbian is your favorite? Rosie O'Donnell. I like a lot of famous lesbians, for a lot of reasons, but I like Rosie for almost every reason.
What is your favorite lesbian movie? I will forever love Fried Green Tomatoes, even though they totally glossed over the lesbian relationship that Ruth and Idgie had in the book, you can still find it in the movie and I just love them.
Do you have any Pride tattoos? I don't have a "Pride" tattoo, but I do have a tattoo of a heart with Shell's initials in it.
How do you feel about Gays/Lesbians having children? Well, I'm pretty much in favor of it. And I think that with queer parents, kids have a different perspective on kids who fall outside the norm.
If it were legal, would you marry another woman? In a heartbeat. I don't know if Colorado will do it in my lifetime, but that's what we're waiting for. I can't see getting married in another state if it won't make a difference in the state I live in.
Have you ever attended a Gay Pride Festival? Yep, we go every year. Denver has a great Pride festival and the kids love going too.
Do you have more Gay/Lesbian/Bi friends than you do Straight friends? I'd say it's probably about even.
Have you ever personally dealt with homophobia? No, and I know how fortunate I am for that.
Did anyone stop having contact with you after you came out of the closet? There were a few people who put some distance between us, but it didn't last for long. I'm just too lovable to stay away from forever. ;)
Do you believe you were born a lesbian? Yes, absolutely, 100%.
Are you proud? Yes. :)
Shell and I took the day off on Monday to schedule a couple of appointments that were long overdue. In 2007, I went to see a dermatologist because I have a lot of moles and freckles all over my body. She did a full skin check and recommended that I come back yearly so that she would have something to compare to. There weren't any at the time that really concerned her though. So I scheduled that "yearly" follow-up for Monday at 8:50am and dragged Shell along because she is always pointing out moles that she is concerned about. I'm glad that she went, because the doctor was able to ease her concerns about almost all of them and gave her a lesson on what to watch for. There was one on my back that usually gets rubbed by my bra, so even though she thought it wasn't a concern from a medical standpoint, she agreed to remove it. There was one that she wanted to check (also on my back), so she took a piece off to biopsy, along with the other. Skin check- done.
Our next set of appointments weren't until the afternoon, so we went to Cracker Barrel for breakfast and then home to watch some of our recorded shows. Then we were off to the gynecologist. Yay! We were there last in 2009, but the doctor said that unless there was a problem or concern, it's okay to go every 2-3 years. At least until I'm 40...which is in 3 years. My exam checked out okay, other than a high blood pressure. Shell was given an order to get some bloodwork done and we checked that off our list as well.
I couldn't get in for a well-woman check at my regular doctor that day, so it'll have to be scheduled still. The only other appointment that I needed to make was to get my teeth cleaned (I'm about a year behind on that one :/), but since I couldn't fit it in on my day off, I'll be going in for that at 7am on the 27th. But then the list of overdue annual appointments will be fulfilled. At least for this year :)
This Saturday is going to be busy all day long. Shell's bloodwork has to be done first thing in the morning, so I'll take her for that at 8am. I need to be in the testing center by 9 to take my music midterm, we have our hair appointment at 11, I have biology class at 1, and our boy has a football game at 3. I am going to be SO happy to get home after all that!
I saw this mem on Heidi's blog and even though I think I took one like it a couple of years ago, I thought I'd do it again. Oh, and I'm still having the worst time commenting on your blogs. I've tried over and over, and get into this endless circle of being logged out, then needing to preview, then trying to post and being told I have to log back in. I haven't successfully posted a comment in so long. I wish I knew for sure if it was a blogger thing, then I would go to wordpress for sure. But I don't want to do that only to find out that blogger wasn't the problem in the first place. Ugh!
Anyway, on to the meme!
Are you open with your sexuality? Yes, very. I never hide who my family is. This became my norm after my kids were born and I realized that to hide or stay in the closet about who we were would only give them the impression that there was something wrong with us, and I was not going to contribute to that ridiculous idea. So I've been open everywhere I worked, and my entire family knows. In truth, I'm proud of us and what we have. We've been together since were were 17 years old and we own our home, have two smart and overall awesome kids, two dogs and are loved and accepted by those who matter. Our children aren't ashamed of us, they invite their friends over and call us mommy and mama still, even in front of their friends. What we have is worth being open about.
Who was the 1st person you told that you’re a lesbian? I dont' remember actually saying "I'm a lesbian", but I told my best friend that Shell and I were a couple. Luckily for me, he had already come out to me a year or so before, so I got no judgment from him. :)
Overall, how difficult was it to come out? Actually, coming out was not difficult at all. The hard part was that my mom didn't like Shell, so I think that the opposition was more about who I was with than what her gender was. Now that said, if I went to my mom tomorrow and said that I thought I was wrong and I'm really straight? She'd probably throw a party and start lining up available men in a second!
Do you own anything with the Gay Rainbow on it? Yes. Bumper stickers, stuffed animals, buttons, shirts, jewelry... I like the rainbow. :)
Do you consider yourself Butch, Androgynous, or Femme? Of those three? Femme. But I don't really think of myself as a "femme". The extent of my makeup use is a little eye shadow and some eyeliner. I wear chapstick, not lipstick. I abhor pantyhose and skirts. My hair is short and cut so that styling it takes minimal time. I don't wear perfume and I keep my nails short. I often go several weeks between shaving my legs. See, not really very "femme", but it's the closest of the three.
What type of females are you most attracted to? Butch girls do it for me. They don't have to be stone butch, soft butch is okay too.
What famous lesbian is your favorite? Rosie O'Donnell. I like a lot of famous lesbians, for a lot of reasons, but I like Rosie for almost every reason.
What is your favorite lesbian movie? I will forever love Fried Green Tomatoes, even though they totally glossed over the lesbian relationship that Ruth and Idgie had in the book, you can still find it in the movie and I just love them.
Do you have any Pride tattoos? I don't have a "Pride" tattoo, but I do have a tattoo of a heart with Shell's initials in it.
How do you feel about Gays/Lesbians having children? Well, I'm pretty much in favor of it. And I think that with queer parents, kids have a different perspective on kids who fall outside the norm.
If it were legal, would you marry another woman? In a heartbeat. I don't know if Colorado will do it in my lifetime, but that's what we're waiting for. I can't see getting married in another state if it won't make a difference in the state I live in.
Have you ever attended a Gay Pride Festival? Yep, we go every year. Denver has a great Pride festival and the kids love going too.
Do you have more Gay/Lesbian/Bi friends than you do Straight friends? I'd say it's probably about even.
Have you ever personally dealt with homophobia? No, and I know how fortunate I am for that.
Did anyone stop having contact with you after you came out of the closet? There were a few people who put some distance between us, but it didn't last for long. I'm just too lovable to stay away from forever. ;)
Do you believe you were born a lesbian? Yes, absolutely, 100%.
Are you proud? Yes. :)
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