And moving on....

So the end of November was a crash and burn for posting. I'm still really thrilled with how well I did though. A post every day is a challenge, include weekends and a holiday in that and those who were able to accomplish it deserve a standing ovation. November isn't over yet, and I do intend to post until the end. We'll see what December brings, but I'm thinking that the happiness I got from reading your comments will inspire me to write more.

Speaking of comments, I have just one last question left unanswered. Actually B asked two questions. She wanted to know what degree I'm studying for and asked if my kids ever get teased for having two moms.
I am in my very first semester of college ever, so right now I'm working towards an Associate of Arts, with plans to turn that into a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology. However, I don't want to be a psychologist, I want to be a librarian. Libraries have certainly evolved over the years and although I miss the silence and peaceful environments of the libraries in my past, the modern library is bright and colorful, comfy and very user-friendly. Helping people is the main focus, so although knowledge of literature and english is valuable, a degree in psychology or something else related to dealing with people is highly regarded. I can also get a master's in library sciences, but that's much further down the road.
As for my kids, they were never shy about their family when they were little. I think that their comfort with it influenced the way their peers reacted. When my daughter was in 3rd grade, she mentioned during class that her mom's couldn't get married because we were gay. A classmate said she couldn't have two moms, that she needed a mom and a dad. I found out from her teacher later that my girl stood up in front of her class and talked about how just because families are different, it doesn't make one right or better than another. I was so proud of her. She continues to be an advocate for our family, but my son is a different story. Over the last couple of years, we've discovered that he doesn't really talk about what his family looks like to many people. He said that it doesn't come up, or that he doesn't want to feel different. I can respect that and he does invite his friends over so I know that he isn't afraid for other kids to find out. I think he just doesn't want to talk about his parents to his friends. But we talk often to our kids about the perceptions of other people and especially discuss subjects that come up in current events like the bullying of kids due to their sexuality, either true or assumed. My boy doesn't really seem uncomfortable talking to us, so I really do think he's just trying to figure out how to be himself in front of other kids, and what that really means.

Thanks again everyone for the questions. It really helped keep me on track, and keep me posting. You are awesome!

A Brief Post

Shell and I were at Old Navy first thing this morning to take advantage of great sales and got so much stuff for the kids. Now we're just waiting for the kids to finish getting ready and then we're heading over to my parents' house. Long story there, but had a conversation with my mom last week and we agreed to get together and see how it goes. She bought the Michael Jackson Wii game and I'm very excited to give it a try. We'll be in line for Target at 3am, so hopefully we'll get some sleep before heading over there.
I just wanted to make sure that I didn't miss wishing all my blog friends a very happy thanksgiving. However you are spending it, don't forget to remember what you are thankful for. I'm thankful to have readers that keep coming back no matter how long my hiatus's sometimes are.

More Questions Answered

This week without assignments due is turning into a busy one! I've got just a couple of questions left to answer (unless someone still has one to ask), so here they are.

Marcy asked "what has been your most difficult/challenging part of parenting and also what has been your most rewarding?"
Good question! I'd have to say that every year is difficult and challenging in its own way. The first year was REALLY hard for me. Shell worked two jobs for the first 10 months while I was home with the babies (I went back to work part-time when they were 10 months old). She worked a day shift and a night shift, so basically every shift at home was mine. When they were first born, my sister would come over on her lunch hour so that I could take a nap and sometimes when I was having a really rough day Shell would send me away when she got home so that I could have some non-mommy time, which certainly cut into her sleep time, but I was grateful when she did. We were both sleep-deprived and it was not only challenging from a parenting standpoint, but from a relationship one as well.
For the most part, the following years haven't been too bad, other than when my daughter's chinchilla died. That was very hard, because nothing that I said could make it better and her grieving process was long and hard. She has kept her precious Noel's cage in her room ever since, but she did mention the other day that she might be ready to take it out soon. Her pain broke my heart many times over, but I was also fiercely proud of how she dealt with it. And now, I think that we are quickly approaching what might be the most difficult and challenging years...the teenage ones.
The most rewarding times in parenting my kids happen all the time. Sure, all the firsts like smiling at me, saying mommy, walking, using the potty, saying their ABC's, reading, etc were all very rewarding, but the really rewarding stuff for me has happened in the last few years and is still happening now. Watching them grow into themselves and think for themselves and make decisions that I'm proud of has filled my heart in ways I couldn't have imagined. Hearing about how great they are from teachers and their friend's parents are very good for my mommy-ego. Seeing them consistently earning awesome grades, especially since they are both in honors classes is pretty amazing for me as well. Even though I miss them being little and so innocent and happy all the time, I am also in awe at the people they are turning into and I am excited to see what each year brings to them. Well, except for those teenage ones...I'd kind of like to skip those.

Stacy asked me "How did you pick your donor?" I wonder if we used the same endo at Kaiser. Was it at the one in Denver?
Stacy, picking our donor was hard and easy. The process of going through the catalog was time consuming. When we were going through this 13 years ago, we didn't have a computer to access, so we would make drives to the Denver Public Library to use the computer there and request the free short profiles. Then we'd pore over those and choose a couple to buy the long profiles of. Once we got to that point, making a decision wasn't too hard. We used criteria that mattered to us. That included no major family health issues, particularly of the hereditary kind, relatively decent academic scores, no drug use, and average-above average height. We also kept in mind that we'd prefer for the donor to not have fair complexion like me, as being so sensitive to the sun is no fun. We narrowed it to three that we really liked and that fit our criteria, and then we picked our favorite mostly from his answers to random questions like favorite color and aspirations for the future. And our kids have all the traits we hoped would pass to them, except that they are super fair just like me. Unfortunately, while our donor was dark-haired and marked "medium" for skin color, we underestimated the power of the red hair and fair skin of his grandmother and sister. Oh well. You can't win 'em all.
By the way, it was the Kaiser on Franklin and I think the endo was Harrington maybe?

I've only got one more question left to answer, and I'll save that for another day. I hope that all of you who are cooking tomorrow are able to find some time to relax and reflect on what you're thankful for. And for those of us who are reaping the benefits of someone else doing the cooking, let us not forget to show them our thankfulness for that as well!

Another Day

I didn't want to miss a day of posting on Saturday, and then proceeded to miss yesterday. Oh well. I've actually done better than I expected this month and I knew going in that weekends were going to be the biggest challenge. But now it's Monday and I will start again.

Yesterday turned out to be a pretty nice day. I slept in until about 8:30, then got up and showered and ate breakfast with my family. Started working on my history paper (the US embargo against Cuba. Fun stuff!), then realized that I needed some more sources. With the library closed, I was going to have to head to the bookstore and do what I could there. We were going to need to make a grocery store run anyway, so Shell offered to come along and help me with my research and we'd stop at the store on the way home. And those 2 hours crowded into a small table at the bookstore will now be added to the list of most memorable moments in our relationship. First, it was just the two of us. Second, we were focused on a subject that didn't involve us, the kids, money, or Christmas. Third, we were working together and offering ideas and pointing things out (about THE US EMBARGO AGAINST CUBA!) to each other. It was intellectual conversation, which we very rarely have anymore, and at one point we were both taking notes and she looked up and said "It kind of turns me on to be helping you with your homework." I was happy to have her help and she was happy to be able to help. Once we got home from the store she made dinner while I worked on my paper. And about 5 hours later it was complete and I was climbing happily into bed.

Oh, and my son spent the whole weekend watching the first 3 seasons of Punky Brewster on DVD and we sang the theme song from different rooms in the house so many times. I love that show and I love that my boy loves it too.

Excuses, Excuses

I don't want to miss another day, but today is quickly coming to a close. I wrote a paper for my psychology class this morning, worked 8 hours at Pets*Mart, came home and ate some ramen noodles and now I'm taking my history book to bed and will read until my eyes are too heavy to focus. I have a research paper to write for my history class tomorrow, and thankfully I don't have to work. So I'll be sleeping in and maybe will even stay in my pajamas while doing my schoolwork. When I need a break from writing, I'll get a real blog post written.
Good night all.

A Question of Race

Julie asked me about our choice to not use an black donor, specifically because that is Shell's race.
First, hi Julie! Thanks for commenting and for reading!
Anyway, this subject comes up every couple of years. When we were first deciding which donor profiles to look at, I had every intention of choosing a black donor. I wanted our children to be a mix of us both, even if they really wouldn't be. I figured that it would be hard enough having two moms, I didn't want the extra scrutiny over how Shell could be their parent if they were white. However, we never looked into even one black donor. And that was Shell's choice.
My wife is mixed. Her mom is white and her dad is black. She grew up in the same city I did in an area that was VERY much majority white, at least when we were younger. She had a lot of friends and other than some comments by ignorant kids, she didn't experience any racial issues from her peers directly. However, she was constantly aware that there were no other kids like her. In fact, she was the only black student in her elementary school until she was in 5th grade. And only half of her family had the same color skin as her. Plus, her mom's grandfather disowned her mother when she married Shell's dad, because he was black. Shell never once, in all her life, met her grandfather. She wasn't even allowed at his house for holidays. Now the rest of her mom's family loved her and came over to their house and she was allowed in theirs, but never if her grandfather would be there. She says that she didn't care to spend time with that racist bastard anyway, but that is now. When she was little and her cousins would mention going to their grandparents' house for Christmas, she knew why she hadn't gone.
There was no talking her out of her objection to choosing a black donor. She didn't want her kids to ever feel any racial inequality, at least not if she could help it. She insisted that we choose a white donor. She felt it so strongly, and I respected her reasons. She has never wavered on that choice and although I still wish that we had decided different for many reasons, I am also aware that in doing so, I wouldn't have the kids that I have and neither of us would trade them for the world.

Registered for Spring

I am officially registered for Spring classes. It's going to be a lot once again, but even though this semester has been hard, I've done it and am pretty confident that I can do it again. I'll be tired, sure. I'll miss my family, sure. But I'll have even more classes completed towards my degree and I will have the summer off to recoup before Fall classes begin again. I found it very strange that financial aid won't pay for summer classes. I probably would have taken one or two otherwise. But it's probably good that I'm forced into that break. Especially since I'll be getting into the harder (for me) math classes in the Fall, so the time off will be a good thing.

The classes I'm taking in the Spring are:
Colorado History
Fundamentals of Mathematics/ Pre-Algebra (this is a hybrid class encompassing both in one semester)
American Government
Human Sexuality

I'm still pretty amazed that I'm even in college after all this time and the idea that I'm planning for my second semester is a bit surreal. I wonder if this feeling will continue until graduation?