Come What May

A Full(er) House?

2012-02-17T20:44:00.001-07:00

While my MO Sis was here in January, we sucked up as much time as we could. Even though we don't talk as much as we'd both like, we are pretty close. She's mentioned a few times that they'd talked about moving here, but the idea of looking for jobs wasn't appealing, plus my nephew is in high school and was pretty settled in with his friends and his basketball team and after many years of struggling, he was finally getting good grades. So she didn't want to mess that up.

Well, late last summer they moved and my nephew would have had to change schools because of the boundary lines. Instead, he had a friend whose dad offered to let him live with them so that he could stay in his school. So that's what he's been doing for the whole school year so far, but just before Christmas, my nephew and that dad had some issues and he decided that he couldn't keep up the arrangement. So my nephew stayed with another family through the winter break and at the beginning of January, but they weren't able to have him stay permanently. He would have to move back in with my sister, but he'd have to change schools. When my sister mentioned to him that she really wanted to move to CO, but that she hadn't so that he could stay in his school, he told her that he'd rather move here than have to go to the other school. So, plans started being made- pretty fast.

I got a call from my mom while Eric & Jake were still here, saying that MO Sis had given notice at her work that she wouldn't be there after February 17. Her plan was to get her taxes filed and as soon as their refund arrived, they'd move. They would need the money to rent a truck for their stuff. My mom told me that she thought my house would be best for them to move into, since I had the basement already set up as a room, plus they'd be bringing their dog and her chihuahua doesn't get along with other dogs. I was so mad that she just assumed that doubling the number of people in my house would be a better idea than adding four to her current two. After venting and ranting to Shell and Eric and freaking out about adding more people to our house and onto our already tight expenses, I calmed down when Shell said that it would be okay with her, but that maybe instead of having all four move in with us, perhaps my nephew (who is 16) could stay with my parents while the two adults, four year old, and dog live with us.

Since I hadn't talked to my sister yet, I called her and asked her what she was expecting would happen with this move. She said that they really didn't want to live with anyone, but that if they couldn't secure jobs before they came (and the likelihood of that would be slim), they probably wouldn't be able to get an apartment right away. She said that living with my parents was not appealing (and I couldn't blame her), so I mentioned having my nephew go to their house and having the rest stay at ours. She agreed that it would make it a little easier that way, so we called it a plan.

So today is February 17, her last day of work and the plan is moving towards completion. My nephew has already been here since Sunday, he flew out so that he could get enrolled in school and get started. His first day was yesterday. My parents are already making him a little crazy, but I hope that will die down a little as they all get more settled. The truck from MO should be here sometime next Sunday, so this weekend we are going to move my boy's stuff from his basement room back upstairs to his old room, which was turned into my office to work on schoolwork. We bought a desk and small bookcase for that room, so we'll need to rearrange our bedroom to make room for them. Our house will be very full, but we're doing what we feel is the right thing to do. We want them here, and have for a long time. They want their own space as much as we do, so I feel that they are motivated to find jobs and get their own place as soon as they can. We'll be inconvenienced for a while, but it will be worth it. And we'll get to know my sister's fiance and their daughter much better now, which is a huge bonus. Collectively, I've spent less than a month with my niece since she was born and I am really looking forward to spending lots more time with her.

Once again, life is moving in its typical crazy fashion.

On a Much Lighter Note

2012-02-17T09:13:00.000-07:00

To continue catching up...

My Cubub was in ICU for 13 days and as I mentioned in my last post, I was the text-connection for those out of state. My sister in Missouri struggled with whether to drive out from the very first day. She couldn't decide if she should come out and end up sitting with us for hours at the hospital each day, or wait. She decided that she would definitely come over spring break if Cubub did make it, since we knew that the cancer would take her within months and that way she would get to see her. When we learned that the vent would be removed and that she wasn't expected to make it, my sister decided that she would definitely come if Cubub didn't make it. She wanted to be here as we all gathered together to mourn. So on Jan. 5, the day after Cubub died, they packed up the car and my sister, her fiance and my 4 year old niece headed here.

My sister in California was already scheduled to come out on the 5th to go with me to the Michael Jackson Immortal Cirque du Soleil show. Losing Cubub put a sad spin on her visit, but she was also glad to be able to come and see so many people. So it turned out that my sisters were both here over the weekend. We haven't all been together in years, so it really was a great time. I think my Cubub would be happy to know that she was the reason for it too.

The Immortal show was good and I'm very glad that I went and that I got to share it with my sister. We got all dressed up and had dinner at a pub next to the arena before the show, where the only music playing was MJ and Jackson 5. We loved it. My other sister was staying with my parents since I already had my CA Sis at my house, but we called her and told her to meet us back at my house in her jammies and we'd have a slumber party with adult beverages. We had drinks and laughed and just really enjoyed all being together. We spent the weekend together and with with family, alternating between grieving and joy. It really was a special time. Both of my sisters left on Monday, Jan. 9 and we were very sad to see them go. Our house wouldn't be empty for long though.

Three days after my sisters left, we had a memorial service for Cubub. She had been cremated and there was some discussion over whether or not to have a service. At first, Bill thought that he just wanted to have sort of an open house and invite anyone to come over and visit and support each other. I'm not exactly sure what changed his mind, but he did. My grandma and uncle, who had driven in the day that she died, decided to stay so they could attend the service. Some of the family from out of state had made their way back to their homes in the week since she passed, but there were still quite a few who stayed once they knew we'd have a service. I left work early to attend, and it was a fitting tribute to her. Many tears, but many good memories were shared and we rallied around Bill and my Cubub's parents, my great aunt and uncle. After the service, we went back to Bill's house, where they had Atlanta Bread Company sandwiches catered. I didn't stay as long as I probably would have otherwise though, because I had more visitors flying in that evening. My best friend Eric and his boyfriend Jake were coming for a week-long visit and after almost two weeks of almost daily visits to the hospital and constant bad news, after three days of having my sisters here and the highs and lows of that weekend, after the endless tears and hugs and sadness of the memorial service, my best friend's presence was exactly what I needed. Their visit had nothing to do with my Cubub and although I was still hurting, they were the perfect distraction. We took them to the Butterfly Pavilion, to the Coors Brewery, to the 16th Street Mall, to the Denver Zoo and to Hammond's Candy Factory. I got up each morning and had coffee with my best friend. We all watched The Help and after the kids went to bed we watched Contagion. We stayed up late and slept in late. Every day was an absolute gift. The day before they left, I started my 4th semester of college. And while they were here, my sister in Missouri told us that they were moving here. In February. And the discussion of where 4 people and a dog would stay until they found a place of their own began.

Craziness prevails and life continues to throw out curveballs... :)

February...Really?!?!

2012-02-16T14:28:00.003-07:00

Hi out there! Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and Happy Valentine's Day! :)

I keep thinking that I'm not sure where to start concerning what has happened around here over the last two months, so I'm just going to start from the beginning and see how many posts I can fill.

The day after my last post, December 23, the bottom fell out of my family's world. My mom called me at 5:30 that morning to tell me that her cousin was in the hospital and it didn't look too good. Actually, I should back up just a little. My Cubub (I couldn't say Cousin Barb when I was little, so I called her Cubub and have ever since) is my mom's first cousin and the main reason why we moved to Colorado from California. Cubub and her husband Bill moved around a lot over the years, but when they settled in CO, they couldn't say enough positive things about it. My parents came out to visit them and decided then that they wanted to move here. Cubub's son Steven and his family lived here too, so they were the only people my parents knew when they moved. I think it's safe to say that my mom was closest to Cubub than any other relative of hers, even though she's about 6 years older than my mom. So about a week after Thanksgiving, we find out that Cubub has been admitted to the hospital due to weakness and blood coming from her rectum. They kept her about 3 or four days and ran a lot of tests, finally discharging her with a diagnosis of diverticulitis. Less than a week later, she received a call from her doctor that the results of the scans were in and they found spots on her liver and lungs that were suspicious. She went in to have one on her liver biopsied and the results from that confirmed that she had liver cancer that probably spread to her lungs. They went to the cancer center and learned that she had small cell cancer and that chemotherapy was usually pretty successful at putting the cancer in remission. It wouldn't cure her of it, but would buy her time. She was adamant that she wanted to start chemo as soon as possible, so on December 21, she had her first dose of chemo, followed by the second on the 22nd. She was supposed to have the third on the 23rd and then go back to be re-scanned to see how the cancer reacted. Unfortunately, that's not what happened.

Later in the day after her second dose, she started coughing and it got worse very fast. Her doctor took an xray and she had pneumonia, so he sent her to the hospital. As she was being admitted, she started gasping for air and within moments she lost consciousness and stopped breathing. They inserted a ventilator and sent her to the ICU, where they told her husband and daughter-in-law that with her bone marrow wiped out from the chemo, she was in very bad shape. Now you're mostly caught up, so after getting the call from my mom, I decided that work was not where I should be that day and went with my mom to the hospital. I became the information messenger for my sisters, cousin and aunt who all live out of state. The text messages and calls were constant and after arriving at the hospital around 7am, we didn't leave until after 4 that evening, except to force Bill out to Denny's so that he would eat something. My sister who is a nurse kept asking me questions about Cubub's heart rate and blood sugar (she was diabetic) and white blood count, which I couldn't figure out from the displays on the many machines they had her hooked up to. So I explained the situation to her nurse and that woman became my best friend. She answered every single question and even gave me more than I asked for, knowing that my sister would understand and could explain it to us. She was amazing. She was also honest and told me that Cubub was very sick and was helpless against any infection, because her WBC was practically nonexistent. My sister was not optimistic either.

For a week, we went to the hospital every day, supporting Bill and their only surviving son (their other son died 3 years ago at the age of 47 from a massive heart attack) and trying to understand not only what happened but also what might happen. She was sedated the majority of the time, but they did bring her out to try to get her to breathe off the ventilator, with no success. Her WBC didn't come back like they hoped and she kept spiking fevers, even though she was on a constant flow of antibiotics. Bill had decided from day one that she would be DNR, knowing that she wouldn't want to be kept alive by machines. Plus they said that in her condition, doing CPR would do damage that her body just wouldn't be able to handle. On New Year's Eve, we were told that there wasn't anything else they could do for her in ICU and that the next step would be to give her a trach and transfer her to a long-term care facility. Her nurse told us that in her opinion, Cubub would probably never get off the trach after that. She probably wouldn't have any quality of life. Until that point, we were going to see her every day thinking that maybe she could get better. She would sometimes nod or kind of smile while we talked to her, but her eyes never focused on anyone and she wasn't really coherent. Her nurse and then the oncologist who we talked to, confirmed that after this reaction, they wouldn't recommend more chemo and the kind that she had was very aggressive to boot. He thought she'd probably have about 6 months, at the most. We agreed with Bill that it made no sense to put her on a trach just to have to fight the effects of the cancer for the remaining months of her life. He told them that he didn't want her put on the trach and it was decided that they would remove the vent and see what happened. If she started breathing on her own, Bill wanted to take her home if possible and they'd do whatever was necessary to make her comfortable. If she didn't breathe once the vent was removed (which they suspected would happen), we'd let her go.

Cubub's parents and brother drove in from Utah, as well as family from Idaho. My grandma and uncle drove from California. We all assembled at the hospital on the evening of January 4 and the wonderful people in the ICU allowed us to break the "2 visitor" rule as we crowded 15 people in and near her room. Everyone would have a chance to see and be with her before the vent was removed. There were hugs among family who hadn't seen each other in a very long time, in some cases it had been 20 years. We cried as we went in and out of her room, letting everyone near her for spells of time. I was in her room more than not, usually occupying her left side and either holding her hand or touching her foot. I couldn't stand it when she wasn't being touched by someone, so I took it upon myself. There were many who talked to her and encouraged and/or pleaded with her to be strong and breathe when it was time to remove the vent. Just before it was time, as each person made their choice to either stay in the room or wait in the lounge, I kissed her forehead and whispered in her ear. I told her that it was okay if it was too hard. That we would take care of each other. That she was surrounded by love, not just in the hospital, but from all those who couldn't be there. And that I loved her to the moon and back. I was a sobbing mess, but I knew that I needed to tell her.

When they removed the vent, there were just 8 of us in the room, other than the nurses. She lasted less than 20 minutes, her body trying to do what was necessary, but what it just wasn't strong enough for. We all watched her heart rate slow and her breaths grow farther and farther apart, until her heart stopped. Her son and husband crumpled into each other; her grandson and daughter-in-law moaned and sobbed loudly and my mom held her 83 year old aunt (Cubub's mom) as they grieved together. I stood at the foot of the bed with my hand on my Cubub's foot as tears ran down my face. I was devastated, but that emotion was about my own sadness that she was not in my life anymore. I was not sad for her, I was actually so relieved that she was not in that condition any longer. Laying in a bed, on the ventilator, a central line for easy access and catheters for her waste was not how she would have wanted to live. And I was so thankful that Bill was strong enough to know that and to be her advocate and to love her enough to say when it was enough. And it was.

My Cubub died on January 4 and that evening I got a text message from a dear friend that her son was born that morning. It helped a great deal to be reminded that life does go on.

3 days until Christmas!

2011-12-22T14:25:00.003-07:00

This month is flying by! Almost Christmas and then the month (and year!) will be over. One more down with an undetermined number to go...

So, I got my grades back for this semester and for the first time, I earned all A's! I really thought that I was going to continue my trend of all A's and one B, but it wasn't to be this time. :) Next semester, I'm only taking three classes instead of 4 like I've done every semester to this point. I'm looking forward to it, but know that the classes I'm taking should also be a bit harder so I'll need to keep focused. If I've figured it all out correctly, I have 3 more semesters to go for my associates degree, and then it's onto a bachelor program. I haven't yet decided where I'm going for that one, but I'm leaning towards one that seems to have a pretty good selection of online classes. That is probably the most important feature that I'm looking for, as I certainly can't go to classes during the day unless it's on the weekends. So, I'm getting there.

I think that we are completely done shopping for gifts and I only have a couple left to wrap. We will be spending Christmas Eve with Shell's best friend and her family, which has become a tradition that we all look forward to. They make a variety of pierogies that are to die for and we always eat too much. We can't help it. Then we're going to have my parents over on Christmas Day for, um... well, we know they are coming but we haven't yet decided what to make. I'm totally leaning towards Chinese takeout, but it's not going over very well. I just want as little fuss and mess as possible. Shell and I are both off on the 26th, and I'm really looking forward to a quiet and relaxing day together.

For the first time in a very long time, I will get to kiss my wife at midnight on New Years. When she was working nights, her and a coworker would split Christmas Eve and New Years Eve and she always worked NYE so that she could be home Christmas morning. With her new position, she is off on Saturday and Sunday nights, but it doesn't matter because her department is closed both days. We have no plans for that evening, just going to enjoy being together. :)

January is going to bring all kinds of good stuff my way. My sister is coming in on the 5th to go with me to the Cirque du Soleil and even though we don't have any plans other than that, it should be fun. She's only here until Monday the 9th, but then my best friend and his boyfriend arrive on the 11th for a week long visit. I will be off all but one day of their stay and I am SO looking forward to that! We don't have big plans for their stay either, but I see lots of games, drinks, food and relaxing, happy moments being had. I hope that the weather isn't very snowy so that we can get out and around with my sister and the boys. Those visits are going to be my Christmas gifts this year. I had them all under my roof last January and although their visits will be separate this year, I am looking forward to them just as much.

December- For Better or Worse

2011-12-02T10:24:00.004-07:00

I am seriously overwhelmed. Seriously. Why, you ask? Hm, where should I start?

There is one week + one day left in this semester and although I cannot wait for it to be over, I also need it to slow down. I can't seem to find time to study for my finals, not to mention I'm not sure when I'm going to have time to take one of them. Luckily, my grades are good again this semester, but I certainly don't want to go into these big exams without being prepared.

I haven't even begun decorating for Christmas yet and I doubt I'll be able to until the semester is over. That puts it at the 11th, unless my kids want to do it while I'm studying every night...

I'm getting my top two wisdom teeth extracted on the 16th. Yes, one week before Christmas. We had almost enough left in our FSA account to cover our portion of the surgery and since it doesn't rollover, we were happy to have a reason to use it. I didn't want to have it done while I was juggling school, so I had to choose either the 16th or the 23rd. I had my bottom ones taken out over 10 years ago, but the top ones seem a little trickier since they are really close to my sinuses and because of my "advanced age". Oh, and I'm having IV sedation for it, which is a first for me. All kinds of fun!

The prep for Christmas is just barely ahead of my decorating for Christmas. We're almost done with the kids. They are getting iPod Touches (so they'll stop playing games on my iPhone!) which are on layaway and only need two more payments, tickets to see Wicked which were just purchased a couple of days ago, and school yearbooks which will be ordered right after Christmas. All that's left for them is some stocking stuffers. We had our photos taken a couple of weeks ago and have the CD with our shots, so this weekend we're planning to sit down and finalize our Christmas cards and get them ordered. Our parents are all getting 8x10 framed photos and my grandparents are getting 5x7 framed photos. We are taking Shell's best friend and her girlfriend to see Wicked with us as their gifts, but I'm really struggling with what to get my best friend and his boyfriend. Other than that, we've got some gift cards to buy and that pretty much wraps up our gift giving.

My sister is flying in on January 5 to go with me to see the Michael Jackson Immortal Cirque du Soleil show. I am so excited to see this, especially after downloading the CD. And I'm happy that my sister is going to share it with me. She's only here from Thursday to Monday, so I'm looking forward to spending lots of time just hanging out and being with her.

I've got one more visit coming too, but I can't talk about it yet since it's a surprise and I don't want it ruined. :)

So basically, I've got a lot of crazy for one more week (+ one day) and then getting through Christmas. Piece of cake!

For my lesbian sisters...

2011-10-28T11:20:00.002-06:00

This is further proof that it's good to be a lesbian... :)

Half a semester down...

2011-10-26T10:23:00.003-06:00

I'm two weeks into the second half of the semester, and feeling pretty good about where I am. I aced my music midterm, thanks to an extra credit assignment and have pretty good grades in my other classes. I received an invitation to join the honor society, which just blew me away and after discussing it with Shell, decided to join. Guess I'd better plan to keep my grades up, because I really want to wear the cool stole, cords, and tassel at graduation. :)

Speaking of grades, the kids got their first quarter report cards and they each have all A's with just one B, in geometry. They are doing so well, especially considering how busy we are. Football season is almost over for my boy, I think he only has one game left. Rehearsals for the musical my girl is in are in full swing, less than a month until the performance. We need to go shopping this weekend for her costume. Luckily, most of it, she could wear again, so at least we won't be spending money on something she'll never wear again. Speaking of costumes, I don't yet know if my kids are dressing up for Halloween yet. I don't think they were planning to, until the boy reminded his sister that since she is getting braces on after the first of the year, she won't be able to eat much candy next year. So, I think that she is reconsidering so she can trick or treat and eat candy. I don't know what she plans to be, but I'm sure she'll come up with something.

As a result of my being an adult and getting my exams, I'm having a small procedure done tomorrow. One of the moles that the dermatologist sent for biopsy came back positive for pre-cancer cells, so she wants to take the whole thing out and eliminate any chance that it might develop into cancer at some point. I'm told it's no big deal so I'm planning to return to work after it's done. There will be stitches, and the bandage will need to be changed at least once a day. I'm glad that I have Shell to do this for me, since it's on my back but this makes me wonder. What a pain it would be if I was single. I wonder if I'd have to drive to my parents house at least once a day to have one of them change the bandage?

Last but not least, my sister is getting a divorce. While my nieces were here this summer, my brother-in-law moved out. I'm told that it had come up previously, but after trying one thing after another, the decision to split was finally made while the girls were gone. So far, they are on the same page with everything. They are using a mediator, which seems like a much gentler way to end a marriage than having to deal with a lawyer. My parents however, have been shaken by this news. I think that it's a combination of the fact that they really like my brother-in-law, and that my sister's marriage has been a source of pride for them. When your daughter gets pregnant at 15 years old, her future probably looks pretty bleak. When she gets married at 16 to her 17 year old boyfriend, I don't think that you expect them to be together forever. They seemed to defy the odds though. They were married for almost 17 years, have 17 and 13 year old daughters, my brother-in-law went to the police academy and became a police officer and now a detective, my sister went to nursing school and is now an RN, and they own a cute house. On the outside, it couldn't be better. However, as with any relationship, noone really knows what it's like in each one except for those who are in it. And they had simply grown apart. From what I can tell, there isn't any animosity and they are agreeing on everything. I'm happy that my sister took control of her happiness and is moving toward being fulfilled in ways that she was no longer getting in her marriage. I'm sad for my nieces, but they seem to be handling it really well. I guess that is a sign that it was time as well.

This whole thing has made me look closer at my relationship with Shell. We have been through a lot of rocky patches that made us wonder, at the time, if it was worth staying together. I can honestly say that there were times that we probably stayed only for the kids and because splitting up would be a hassle. And had we not found ways to heal our relationship, I don't think we could have lived in that place we had allowed ourselves to get to. But we did heal, many times over, and we are now in a better place than we've ever been. I'm certain that the kids being older has a lot to do with that, but I also know that I value her more now than ever before. I've found and embraced the sex drive that I had all but lost, and even though I hate the size I am now, I also feel pretty good knowing that Shell finds me sexy and appealing and turned on by me. We text and email each other throughout the day to flirt, play games, or just say I love you. We don't have a lot of time together in the evenings, which is ironic now that she isn't working nights anymore, but we are making it work. And this, right now, makes me extremely thankful that we didn't give up before. This is what I hoped we could achieve, and even though we still have less-than-stellar moments, we bounce back from them much quicker. It's a much healthier model for our kids and that makes me very happy.

Oh, and somehow, I am having much better luck commenting on blogs all of a sudden. I don't know what changed, but so far it's going quite well. :)

Update and a Meme

2011-10-13T08:57:00.005-06:00

I am so incredibly tired today and I think my body is starting to rebel against no downtime lately. This has been a busy week, which let's be hones, was preceded by many busy weeks and will be followed by many busy weeks. It all started (this week) on Saturday, when we cleaned our house from top to bottom. Seriously, it hasn't been this clean in months. I also had class that day. And that night Shell and the boy made cherry almond scones because we invited my parents over for brunch on Sunday. (Couldn't let the freshly cleaned house go unnoticed.) I got up at 8am Sunday morning and threw towels in the washer, started making bacon, and worked on some homework. My parents showed up at 11, we ate scones, bacon, frittatas, and hash browns then played Tripoley. The kids and I were not too sure about it as my mom was reading the directions, but it was a lot of fun. They left around 5 and I immediately started working on the study guide for my music midterm, which I'll be taking this Saturday morning.

Shell and I took the day off on Monday to schedule a couple of appointments that were long overdue. In 2007, I went to see a dermatologist because I have a lot of moles and freckles all over my body. She did a full skin check and recommended that I come back yearly so that she would have something to compare to. There weren't any at the time that really concerned her though. So I scheduled that "yearly" follow-up for Monday at 8:50am and dragged Shell along because she is always pointing out moles that she is concerned about. I'm glad that she went, because the doctor was able to ease her concerns about almost all of them and gave her a lesson on what to watch for. There was one on my back that usually gets rubbed by my bra, so even though she thought it wasn't a concern from a medical standpoint, she agreed to remove it. There was one that she wanted to check (also on my back), so she took a piece off to biopsy, along with the other. Skin check- done.

Our next set of appointments weren't until the afternoon, so we went to Cracker Barrel for breakfast and then home to watch some of our recorded shows. Then we were off to the gynecologist. Yay! We were there last in 2009, but the doctor said that unless there was a problem or concern, it's okay to go every 2-3 years. At least until I'm 40...which is in 3 years. My exam checked out okay, other than a high blood pressure. Shell was given an order to get some bloodwork done and we checked that off our list as well.

I couldn't get in for a well-woman check at my regular doctor that day, so it'll have to be scheduled still. The only other appointment that I needed to make was to get my teeth cleaned (I'm about a year behind on that one :/), but since I couldn't fit it in on my day off, I'll be going in for that at 7am on the 27th. But then the list of overdue annual appointments will be fulfilled. At least for this year :)

This Saturday is going to be busy all day long. Shell's bloodwork has to be done first thing in the morning, so I'll take her for that at 8am. I need to be in the testing center by 9 to take my music midterm, we have our hair appointment at 11, I have biology class at 1, and our boy has a football game at 3. I am going to be SO happy to get home after all that!

I saw this mem on Heidi's blog and even though I think I took one like it a couple of years ago, I thought I'd do it again. Oh, and I'm still having the worst time commenting on your blogs. I've tried over and over, and get into this endless circle of being logged out, then needing to preview, then trying to post and being told I have to log back in. I haven't successfully posted a comment in so long. I wish I knew for sure if it was a blogger thing, then I would go to wordpress for sure. But I don't want to do that only to find out that blogger wasn't the problem in the first place. Ugh!

Anyway, on to the meme!

Are you open with your sexuality? Yes, very. I never hide who my family is. This became my norm after my kids were born and I realized that to hide or stay in the closet about who we were would only give them the impression that there was something wrong with us, and I was not going to contribute to that ridiculous idea. So I've been open everywhere I worked, and my entire family knows. In truth, I'm proud of us and what we have. We've been together since were were 17 years old and we own our home, have two smart and overall awesome kids, two dogs and are loved and accepted by those who matter. Our children aren't ashamed of us, they invite their friends over and call us mommy and mama still, even in front of their friends. What we have is worth being open about.

Who was the 1st person you told that you’re a lesbian? I dont' remember actually saying "I'm a lesbian", but I told my best friend that Shell and I were a couple. Luckily for me, he had already come out to me a year or so before, so I got no judgment from him. :)

Overall, how difficult was it to come out? Actually, coming out was not difficult at all. The hard part was that my mom didn't like Shell, so I think that the opposition was more about who I was with than what her gender was. Now that said, if I went to my mom tomorrow and said that I thought I was wrong and I'm really straight? She'd probably throw a party and start lining up available men in a second!

Do you own anything with the Gay Rainbow on it? Yes. Bumper stickers, stuffed animals, buttons, shirts, jewelry... I like the rainbow. :)

Do you consider yourself Butch, Androgynous, or Femme? Of those three? Femme. But I don't really think of myself as a "femme". The extent of my makeup use is a little eye shadow and some eyeliner. I wear chapstick, not lipstick. I abhor pantyhose and skirts. My hair is short and cut so that styling it takes minimal time. I don't wear perfume and I keep my nails short. I often go several weeks between shaving my legs. See, not really very "femme", but it's the closest of the three.

What type of females are you most attracted to? Butch girls do it for me. They don't have to be stone butch, soft butch is okay too.

What famous lesbian is your favorite? Rosie O'Donnell. I like a lot of famous lesbians, for a lot of reasons, but I like Rosie for almost every reason.

What is your favorite lesbian movie? I will forever love Fried Green Tomatoes, even though they totally glossed over the lesbian relationship that Ruth and Idgie had in the book, you can still find it in the movie and I just love them.

Do you have any Pride tattoos? I don't have a "Pride" tattoo, but I do have a tattoo of a heart with Shell's initials in it.

How do you feel about Gays/Lesbians having children? Well, I'm pretty much in favor of it. And I think that with queer parents, kids have a different perspective on kids who fall outside the norm.

If it were legal, would you marry another woman? In a heartbeat. I don't know if Colorado will do it in my lifetime, but that's what we're waiting for. I can't see getting married in another state if it won't make a difference in the state I live in.

Have you ever attended a Gay Pride Festival? Yep, we go every year. Denver has a great Pride festival and the kids love going too.

Do you have more Gay/Lesbian/Bi friends than you do Straight friends? I'd say it's probably about even.

Have you ever personally dealt with homophobia? No, and I know how fortunate I am for that.

Did anyone stop having contact with you after you came out of the closet? There were a few people who put some distance between us, but it didn't last for long. I'm just too lovable to stay away from forever. ;)

Do you believe you were born a lesbian? Yes, absolutely, 100%.

Are you proud? Yes. :)

September...is over?

2011-09-30T10:40:00.002-06:00

While I am thrilled that the heat of summer is over, I just can't believe that this year is winding down already. Shell has begun making plans for Christmas gifts and I'm just sitting here shaking my head in disbelief. Since the kids and I went back to school it has just been one big whirlwind of activity. My boy started playing football, thanks to a generous gift from my best friend and his boyfriend. We were struggling to figure out a way to pay for his registration and they sent my boy a check for his birthday that covered the whole amount we needed. He plays in a league sponsored by the local rec center, but his team is comprised of boys from his school only. They are 12 and 13 year olds and my kid is the second tallest on his team. He's so tall. When we went for their annual checkups at the end of July, he measured 5'8 3/4" tall. The girl was 5'4 3/4". I was pretty tall for my age growing up, so while I'm not surprised at their heights, it still amazes me that my 13 year old son is now taller than me...and still growing. Anyway, he loves playing football, but his team is not so great. Only 3 of the boys on it have played before and it shows. They still have two games left to play, but so far they've only won one and it was a scrimmage. He wants to play on the high school team next year, which should have better outcomes. Other than the couple of games I've missed due to my classes, we've all gone to every game and cheered them on. Shell loves that he's in a sport that she already loved to begin with and my girl asks questions all the time so that she can understand what's going on. Even my parents have gone to a lot of the games, which has meant more to us than they know.

For their birthday, the kids got their first cell phones. We've held out on this for a long time, but so many times recently we've noticed how it would be an advantage for them and us. Shell and I were both overdue for updating our own phones, so we did a free upgrade on hers, got the kids the free-with-plan phones and I got an iPhone 3. Such a move up for me from my old flip phone and I am loving it. With four phones in our house that have unlimited texting, free mobile-to-any-mobile, and free nights and weekends, plus 700 shared minutes to landlines, it didn't make sense to keep the home phone any longer. Not only did we get rid of that, we switched from satellite to cable for our television and switched to a faster internet service. These changes would be saving us quite a bit if it wasn't for the extra phones plus the data plan on the iPhone...but it comes out to be almost a wash.

Shell and I didn't have unlimited texting on our phones before, but now that we do? So much texting going on! I text my sisters, I text the kids, and Shell and I text while we're at work. Texting has allowed me to reconnect with a friend that I had spotty contact with over the last few years, and we text almost daily now. It has been such a delightful addition to my days being able to catch up with her and have her in my life again. We had a lot in common when we were close as 13/14 year olds and we have even more in common now. Actually, I wrote about Judy a little back in this post and am truly thankful that we are picking up where we left off and jumping right in to being great friends.

My girl auditioned for and got the part she wanted in this year's school musical, "The Big Bad Musical". It is a super cute story about the trial of the Big Bad Wolf in Little Red Riding Hood. My girl plays the newscaster, Sydney Grimm, and she even has a big solo at the end. Because of his practice schedule, the boy didn't audition so this is all for the girl this time. Even though he's not doing the musical, he is still in band and performs with the pep band. Their schedules along with my on-campus classes keep me very busy. Now that Shell is working days, she's not available to run them where they need to go, so it's made my days full. Luckily, she's been getting some overtime recently, so hopefully we'll be able to catch up on some bills and make Christmas a little less painful.

As for my classes, I'm enjoying them for the most part. My math buddy from last semester decided to move to the same class that I'm taking for math, so we have each other to work with again. This is helping a lot. Music Appreciation is not the light workload that I was expecting, so although I really enjoy it, it's a lot to stay on top of. For my English composition class, we are building up to our final research paper with weekly exercises to strengthen our paper. And Biology...well, it's certainly not my favorite class, by a long shot. Luckily, it is not the Biology that science majors have to take so it's a little less on the technical side, but it is still biology and I am still not a science-y person. It shows.

Before I wrap this up for now, I'm curious if anyone else is having trouble with blogger. I am finding it impossible to comment on other blogs with my google account and it is really frustrating. I don't really want to move my blog, but if Wordpress is more reliable I wonder if it would be worth it. Any thoughts?

Alphabet Meme

2011-07-18T14:11:00.002-06:00

The proverbial kick-in-the-pants....

A. Age
I turned 37 in May. I really am not the kind of person who identifies with their age. I look at the number and never feel like it applies to me. There are plenty of days that my body feels like my age and older, but mentally I can't reconcile the number to me. I don't dread birthdays like so many others because I truly feel like it's just a day that I get presents and extra attention...how is that something to dread? :)
B. Bed Size
Queen
C. Chore you hate.
I HATE pulling weeds! Probably because we don't do it until they're already very long and have strong roots...but I'm not a fan of being in the sun for long periods of time and have never been one to play in any kind of dirt. No gardening or landscaping for me.
D. Dogs.
LOVE them! We currently have two basset hounds, one male and one female.
E. Essential start of day.
I guess it would have to be brushing my teeth. I don't always eat breakfast and I'm just starting to play around with different types of coffees (thanks to our pretty new Keurig), so neither of those are essential. Oh wait... I absolutely can't start my day until I've fed the dogs, otherwise they'll just whine and whine until I go crazy.
F. Favorite color.
I love greens
G. Gold or silver.
Both. I read somewhere recently that the long held belief that you can't wear both at once is no longer the case. I wonder if that's true because I have jewelry in both that I'd love to wear together if I could.
H. Height.
I am 5'8". I was taller that most of the boys when I was in junior high and much taller than my female friends. Didn't really like that so much. I am still taller than a lot of my friends. It's not so bad now.
I. Instruments played.
None.
J. Job title.
Right this minute, it is Receptionist/Office Support. Hopefully very soon it will be something on par with Office Manager. Keeping my fingers crossed... I'd appreciate it if you would too. :)
K. Kids.
My son and daughter will be 13 years old in 12 days. I'm still processing it...
L. Live.
I was born and raised in Southern California, but was never the definition of a California girl. Never. Now, I live in a suburb of Denver and love it. THIS is where I belong.
M. Mom's name.
Marvell
N. Nickname.
The nickname that is directly derived from my name is Tyff. But I am also Mommy, Timmy, Babe and Beautiful.
O. Overnight Hospital Stays.
When I was 3, I had the measles and was in a quarantined hospital room. I'm not sure for exactly how long, but it was a matter of days. I gave birth to my twins via C-section, so was in the hospital for 4 days then. The only other time was when my son was 2 months old and spiked a very high fever. He (and I) were in the hospital for 3 days while they attempted to figure out what was causing it, and what wasn't. Thankfully, it was none of the bad stuff that they could test him for and once the fever broke they diagnosed it as something viral.
P. Pet Peeve
School supply lists
Q. Quote from a movie
"I love ya more than my luggage."
R. Right or left handed?
Right
S. Siblings.
2 sisters. They are polar-opposite twins and are 3 1/2 years younger than me.
T. Time you wake up.
Whichever comes first: The dogs needing to go outside or my alarm at 5:30am. I have no idea how late I could sleep if the dogs didn't wake me up. On the weekends, they never let me sleep past 6:30. :(
U. Underwear.
Is not all that exciting. Have never worn a thong and strongly believe that given my weight, I should keep it that way.
V. Vegetable you dislike.
I don't like beets. That may actually be the only vegetable I don't like.
W. What makes you run late.
Sleeping in "just a little longer". Screws me every time...
X. X rays you have had done.
Lots of dental x-rays, ultrasounds during pregnancy, my knee and one mammogram.
Y. Yummy food you make.
French toast, omelettes, pumpkin bread, spaghetti, shrimp scampi pasta.
Z. Zoo animal.
I have always loved the Przewalski horses. I think they are beautiful.

A Shift

2011-07-07T14:11:00.003-06:00

Well, we are 2 days into Shell's new position and have already learned a lot. Yesterday morning was a big fat fail, but what went wrong was highlighted and those things went 100% smoother this morning. She's struggling with sleeping at night, but that is something we both saw coming because it's a problem she has always had on the weekends too. I figure it'll take a couple of weeks to become her new sleeping pattern. I had to work at Pet*Mart the last two nights and didn't get home until after 10, so I only got to enjoy having her there for a short time before we fell asleep, but I'm hoping that we'll have some *quality* time either tonight or tomorrow.

Speaking of Pet*Mart, I've decided not to continue working there after the end of this month. It was quite a challenge to juggle two jobs, 4 classes and my family for the last two semesters and I always felt like I was just making it work. I need to be more present for my family and in my schoolwork, so something needed to give. I think that my full-time job probably suffered too and I can't let that happen either. Especially since it looks like I'm going to get a promotion which will mean that I'll be packing more into my 8-hour days and I need to be at the top of my game for that. So, bye-bye part-time job....at least through the next school year. I hope that they'll be willing to hire me back next summer if we need some extra money.

As for the promotion, I'm meeting with our Vice-President next week to discuss the new position and what it would mean in terms of a salary increase. It would be fantastic if it could make up for the shift differential that Shell lost along with the money that I won't be making by working part-time, but that may be wishful thinking. I'm hoping without expecting...

My kids will be 13 years old in 3 weeks... Still processing this one.

My nieces are coming next week for a two week visit. This makes me thrilled and wary. I miss them a ton and really enjoy them when they come, but events during their visit last summer caused the argument and resulting 4 month silence between my mother and I that I'm hoping will not be repeated again. I've already talked to my mom about some things that I think will help prevent the same issues from popping up and I was very happy that she agreed with me. I really just want to enjoy them while they are here. My oldest niece will turn 17 next month and will graduate high school in the spring, so I don't anticipate that she'll be coming out to visit next summer. We are planning to go to California for her graduation and then make it our vacation as well, but I don't think I'll have much time with just her. I'm looking forward to some good long talks and simply happy moments with her and her sister.

The Fall semester starts in 6 weeks and I'm trying very hard to read as much as I can before I jump back into textbook reading. There are so many books that I want to read, but I decided to do something a little different this summer. I've stuck to reading only memoirs or autobiographical books and am really enjoying myself. I started the summer with a fiction one before deciding to limit myself and really enjoyed Sing You Home by Jodi Picoult. I am a big fan of hers and this one didn't disappoint me. I hardly ever buy books anymore and usually just get them at the library, but Shell bought it for my birthday after I had mentioned wanting to read it. Since then, I've read True You by Janet Jackson, Brady, Brady, Brady by Sherwood and Lloyd Schwartz, Foxy by Pam Grier, and Getting the Pretty Back by Molly Ringwald. I'm currently reading Black Heels to Tractor Wheels by Ree Drummond (The Pioneer Woman) and am reading One From the Hart by Stefanie Powers with Shell. I just got a notice from the library that my next book is ready for me to pick up, so I'll probably start The Way I See It by Melissa Anderson tomorrow. There are still too many on my to-read list, but I'm doing the best I can. I do miss it though.

Huge, Fantastic Change

2011-06-22T13:29:00.003-06:00

I can't believe that it's really going to happen, but it's official. Starting in two weeks, Shell will be working days for the first time since our kids were born. She has worked graveyard shifts for so many years and although I am grateful that we had the benefit of being the only two people to have raised our children, I'm so happy that it is changing now. We never had to put the kids in day care and probably wouldn't have had them in preschool if the school we wanted them in didn't test prior to kindergarten admission. They actually only attended about 4 months of preschool and still passed their admission test with flying colors! They've always come home after school and Shell has always been home with them on days off or when they've been home sick.

We've had many discussions over the years about when would be the right time for her to go to days or even swings. These talks didn't go far when we contemplated what to do with the kids during summer and other school breaks. We couldn't afford to put them in any type of after school or daytime programs and we definitely weren't comfortable with them staying home alone or walking home from the bus stop on their own. However, a shift has occurred in these conversations over the last year. Working nights and not getting a full "night" sleep during the day has started taking a toll on Shell and although we've made it work for a long time now, it has never been easy for us to only see each other for a small amount of time during the week. This became very clear when I started school and working part-time. Before those happened a typical week day looked like this: Shell doesn't get off work until 6am and it takes her about 45 minutes to get home (without heavy traffic), so I'd get up and get the kids moving in the morning. She'd get home between 6:45 and 7 and we'd chat as I finished getting ready. I left with the kids to head to the bus at 7:15. Fifteen to thirty minutes is all the time we had in the mornings to connect and catch each other up or discuss what needed to happen that day. On days that the kids didn't have school, we'd have an extra 10-15 minutes before I had to leave for work. She picked the kids up from the bus at 4:45 and I'd get home around 5:30. We'd prepare and eat dinner, help with homework when needed, and watch some TV before she started getting ready for work around 8. I'd even sit in the bathroom most nights and talk to her while she was in the shower just to be able to cover everything before she left at 8:45.

When I started school and working part-time, many of those evenings ceased to exist. When I am working, I head straight there from my day job and don't get home until after she leaves for work. On those days the only time I see her all day is for those 15-30 minutes in the morning. The nights I had class, I'd go right to school from work and wouldn't get home until after 7.

Needless to say, our weekends were our primary opportunity to reconnect with each other, but they were also the days when we went grocery shopping, cleaned the house, did laundry and everything else that needed to be done. Our only two nights a week together were always expected as the nights we would make love, but that didn't always happen. Many times we were just too tired or the stress of the week would take over and there would be some bickering or arguments and in those cases having sex was the last thing we wanted to do. Mostly though, we're just tired. We have learned the hard way that if we let a weekend pass without making love it makes the following week harder to deal with and if we're not careful it often results in arguments and less patience with each other by the end of the week. This leads to a weekend where now we're not so much tired as we don't want to be intimate. It is a vicious cycle that we've fallen into more times than we'd like to admit. All this to say that the prospect of having the opportunity to make love or even just be able to snuggle up and go to sleep together every night instead of just 2 a week is VERY appealing.

When a position opened up in a different department where she works, Shell was hesitant but after we talked about it she applied. The kids will be 13 this summer and although it means that they'll have to walk home from the bus and be home alone when they're not in school, they won't really be alone. They'll have each other. And even though they argue and annoy each other all the time, they do really well when we leave them to run errands or go out to dinner. My parents live very close and Shell's best friend lives pretty close too, plus it only takes me about 15-20 minutes to get home from work. We're still nervous, but know that once we work out the little things it will be so much better for us as a couple and as a result, for us as a family.

Two weeks from today our lives will change in a huge way and I can't wait!

Day 30

2011-06-16T12:33:00.002-06:00

30 Days: Day 30-a picture

This was taken just last weekend. I love us and I love that I have completed this challenge. I started it on March 22 so I'm not sure that I'd call it a complete success, but I did every single one plus a couple of regular posts as well. It's a success in my book. And I've really enjoyed reading everybody else's challenges too. A few of you have started some others that I'm intrigued by, I'm just not sure I should start another one. Let's see... It took me almost 3 months to complete this 30 day challenge so maybe I could make a goal to wrap up a different one in 2 months this time. I'd have it done before school started back up again at least. Maybe...

Day 29

2011-06-16T10:10:00.000-06:00

30 Days: Day 29-3 Wishes

I've thought about this one for a few days and although I came up with many things to wish for, I just wasn't sure which 3 to use for this post. World peace, winning the lottery, the end of poverty... where to begin? And in doing so, I put off writing it. So, for the sake of finishing this 30 day challenge, I'm simply going to put 3 things I wish for my life pertaining to today.

My 3 wishes for June 16, 2011:

I wish that this shake-up at work would benefit me in some way. I want to be considered for a position that has just been vacated, but at the moment I don't know if they are even looking at filling the spot or just having those duties absorbed by others. The "others" would probably include me anyway, so if there is any way to increase my salary at the same time it would sure help a lot.

I wish for the weed killer that I sprayed last night to work on my yards and the rocks surrounding them. I'd like a yard full of green grass, not grass and weeds.

I wish that we weren't having spaghetti for dinner tonight. We eat it almost every week and I'm tired of it. I wish it wasn't one of Shell's favorites so that it didn't always show up on the meal list when we grocery shop. I wish it wasn't so cheap to make because then I'd have a reason to veto it.

I guess that last one had more that one wish in it, but they were all related to the same thing. End of this challenge...here I come!

Day 28

2011-06-13T11:30:00.000-06:00

30 Days: Day 28-Something that stresses you out

Money, money, money! Seriously, if it wasn't for money we would be less stressed at least 90% of the time. Just this morning, Shell took the kids for their dental cleanings and was told that our girl will need braces after all. They've been watching her for years to see how her jaw and mouth would move while growing because when she still had her baby teeth it could have gone either way. Our boy was 100% in need of braces, even requiring two rounds to get everything fixed right. But the girl's was dependent on how her permanent teeth grew in and made room and it seems like it didn't go in our favor. She goes for an orthodontic consultation at the end of this month and we'll see what they say. Unless it is imperative that she get braces right away, it may need to wait until the first of the year when we can add more to our FSA account. We didn't see this coming, so didn't plan for it this year. Ai, yi, YI! The stress!

Day 27

2011-06-07T14:32:00.000-06:00

30 Days: Day 27-Pets

Let me just start by saying that I love animals and always have. My mom tells many stories of taking me to petting zoos where I squealed in delight when realizing where we were and then once inside, I'd go from animal to animal and pet each one with a huge smile on my face. And to be honest, I still do that now. :)

As far as pets go, we always had them when I was growing up. Our family pets included lovebirds, a cockatiel, lots of fish, and always dogs. When I was little, we got a Basset Hound who stole my heart and is the main cause for my love of the breed. When she passed away, we got a Chihuahua, rescued an adult Shar-Pei and got a Shar-Pei puppy, all within about 6 months. We are definitely dog people in my family.

As for my own pets, I've had a few over the years. The first that were just mine were mice, which I wrote about here. I snuck a hamster into my house once and kept it hidden in my room for a couple of weeks until it bit my sister. Then I had a parakeet, whose name was Teekarapelam (male parakeet spelled backward) who we called Teek. I watched him die and was completely devastated.

After leaving my parents' house, I lived in apartments and have always felt strongly about not having a dog in an apartment. I'm not a huge fan of little dogs, so I chose to do without. However, when we lived in California we ended up with a cat. My cousin's husband works for a veterinarian and this cat was abandoned in his office. They offered it to us and even though I really wasn't a huge fan of cats, I missed having a pet and the cat was very sweet. Let's just say, I fell in love with her. We named her Kerrigan and she was perfect. She used her litter box religiously, never tried to run out the door, liked to be cuddly and always stayed in the room when someone came over. We were so sad to have to find her another home when we moved to Colorado, but since we were moving in with my parents and they already had two dogs, we couldn't bring her. When we moved to the manager's apartment at the motel Shell worked at, she went with my sister one day to the animal shelter to look at cats. Before they walked in, a woman approached them and asked if they'd be interested in a kitten. Her cat had kittens and she couldn't find homes for the last of them. Shell came home with an orange striped female and we called her Sammi. She was a good cat, but when we moved to my sister's basement, Sammi had to stay down there with us. My sister's cat and Sammi didn't get along unfortunately and even after we moved to our apartment she just seemed irritated all the time. Once the kids came, she was even harder to live with. She would choose to use her litter box sometimes, but would also use piles of laundry, the couch, our bed, and sometimes the couch. It was frustrating and we couldn't explain it, other than figuring that between the time in the basement and then the move and the addition of the kids, she was just mad. When we moved out of our apartment into the house we rented, we chose to surrender her to the no-kill shelter instead of running the risk of her habits continuing or worsening in someone else's house. We hoped that she would be adopted by someone without small children who could give her the attention she deserved and she could feel secure in her surroundings.

We moved to the rental house in May and within a couple of months I was hinting that we could now finally have a dog. Two weeks before Christmas, Shell surprised us with a Basset Hound puppy and that is my Willow. She is tri-colored and was 3 days shy of 8 weeks when we got her. I wanted a puppy, but once we were out of her puppy phase, I knew I'd never do it again. After we bought our house, we registered with the Basset Hound Rescue and that is how we got our Joe. He is red and white and was very skinny and skittish when he first came to us, but he got along great with Willow and we all fell in love with him. They are still great buddies and really so much fun. It's hard to think that they are basically middle aged now because they run through the house and up and down the stairs so often, like puppies would. But they are getting a little more white around their eyes and noses and sometimes it looks like it's not as easy for them to get up after laying down for a long time, like they used to. But they are very loved and we truly enjoy being their pet parents.

Willow and Joe

Day 26

2011-06-07T14:26:00.000-06:00

30 Days: Day 26-Picture of your family

An assortment of family pictures through the years. I need to get to work scanning my pictures from when the kids were younger!

1998 (First Christmas)

2001

2005

2006

2007

2008

2009

2010

Day 25

2011-05-25T10:09:00.000-06:00

30 Days: Day 25-Favorite memory

Once again...how on earth can I pick just ONE favorite memory? Do I choose when my children were born or when I was falling in love with Shell? Our ceremony in Vegas or my boy earning his black belt in Karate? Singing my first solo or listening to my girl sing hers? I'm modifying this one instead. Let's do it this way. I'll pick some news-related memories from each decade of my life so far.

Memories from my first 10 years (1974-1983):
MTV. It premiered when I was 7 years old and although I don't remember exactly when we actually got cable and I started watching it, I remember seeing Michael Jackson's Thriller video and the Making Of special which premiered when I was 9. I watched MTV after school and we'd usually have it on all weekend long. My mom listened to the same music I did, so she didn't mind at all.

Charles & Diana's wedding. Oh, how I remember that wedding and the obsession that followed surrounding the couple and Princess Diana in particular. I loved everything about the pomp and circumstance and the dresses and the men in uniform and the royal traditions... I still am intrigued and enamored with British royalty from before Diana and ever since.

Memories from the second decade (1984-1993):
The Night Stalker- Richard Ramirez. During the summer of 1985, Southern California was in a constant state of fear thanks to the serial raping and murders occurring throughout the area. I remember that we couldn't leave our windows open overnight because that is how he was getting into houses and everyone was just afraid. When he was caught by an angry mob of people, the feeling of relief was widespread.

Challenger explosion. I was in 6th grade in 1986 and the launch of the space shuttle Challenger was a huge deal because of teacher Christa McAuliffe. The launch was being shown at school and I remember that a friend and I had been helping in one of the lower grades and were on our way back to class when someone ran out and said that the shuttle had blown up. We hurried back and all I remember seeing on the television before they turned it off were the white trails left in the sky.

AIDS. By now, HIV and AIDS were well-known sources of news stories, tabloid gossip and real-life discussions. The "gay disease" had grown from a nasty STD spread by gay men having unprotected sex in bath houses to an epidemic that has claimed over 25 million people including Rock Hudson, Ryan White, Freddie Mercury, Anthony Perkins, Arthur Ashe and Elizabeth Glaser.

Memories from my third decade (1994-2003):
O.J. Simpson. The murder, the low-speed police chase of the white Bronco, the arrest, the trial, the verdict. It was on the news, it interrupted television programming, it was the topic of conversation and it brought interracial relationships, domestic violence and racism into the news in a huge way.

JonBenét Ramsey. Just one year after we moved to Colorado, JonBenet was found murdered in her home in Boulder. To say it was all over the news would be a huge understatement. The subsequent suspicion of her parents and brother along with the spotlight it brought to kids in pageants was everywhere.

2004 to the present:
Michael Jackson's death. Enough said.

President Obama. From the race between Obama and Clinton to the race between Obama and McCain, I've stood in favor of the man who would become our first African-American president. His election truly gave hope to a country that prides itself on equality but fails to practice it.

Not included above: major earthquakes, notable high-order multiple births, 9/11, Oklahoma City bombing, Columbine shootings, Princess Diana's death, Oprah Winfrey's reign, Rodney King, Hurricane Katrina, Clinton-Lewinsky scandal, and Y2K.

Day 24

2011-05-23T22:09:00.000-06:00

30 Days: Day 24-Something you’ve learned

Hmmm... and Hmmm some more...

I've learned that these challenges are best answered in bullets! Does that count? :)

Despite what I thought as a teen, my parents weren't really out to ruin my life and they didn't hate me. I've learned that they actually did know what they were talking about a lot of the time. However, I've also learned that their way is not the only way and choosing to parent my kids differently is a decision that should and will be made by Shell and I and not by those who parented us. Their time is over, they had their fun and now it's our turn to either succeed or fail.

I've learned that having kids is exactly like and nothing like what I was told and thought it would be before they were here. It is much easier in some ways and so much harder in others. I've learned that being a mom and more specifically being their mom is my favorite part of life so far.

I've learned that just because two people love each other more than words and fight to be together and live the life they dreamed about, it will still be hard and challenging. Love is easy, but relationships are not. This is not something I've enjoyed learning, as this has led to more learning about how to communicate effectively and what works and what doesn't when you have two people who show their feelings in opposite ways. This one is an education in progress.

I've learned that I can do more than I thought. I guess that means that I've learned to have more confidence in myself. I've learned that although it is the hardest thing I've done next to parenting, I can go to school and work and have a family. I'm not always good at managing my time, but it is possible. And I've learned that I'm not as horrible at math as I thought, I just have to work at it.

Meme

2011-05-23T11:52:00.007-06:00

I just realized that I've had this blog for over 4 years. Wow. I'm not the best at keeping it updated and there have been quite a few times when months have passed without a post... but still. Four years. So that made me think of the posts I have copied from elsewhere with the intention of doing and never did, that still sit in my unposted list. For the sake of cleaning up my 4 years worth of posts, here it is!

From Maria .

1) ONE OF YOUR SCARS. HOW DID YOU GET IT?
We had a Shar-Pei named Panda when I was young who was not a fan of other dogs. She was the sweetest dog to any other person who came over, but if a dog walked down our street, she would jump at the front door and growl and bark and snarl. She was out for blood. The only dog that she tolerated was our Chihuahua, which was a good thing since they both lived inside. However, we had another Shar-Pei who was our outside dog (this is when we lived in California) and she had the run of the backyard. The two female Shar-Pei's were not friends, and one time did get into a rather nasty fight, mostly due to Panda's intense dislike of other canine's. So, because Panda couldn't use the backyard to relieve herself, we hooked a rope lead to a stake in the front yard and would let her have the run of the yard. The lead was just long enough that she couldn't step foot on the sidewalk, but could get to pretty much all the rest of the yard. Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, my scar. Typically, if Panda was on the lead and a dog was walked down the street, she would run at full speed from wherever she was in the yard until she pulled the rope taut. If someone was actually on the grass when this happened, you needed to basically jump over the rope so it wouldn't trip you. One such time, I happened to be in the yard and reacted too slowly to clear the rope. I now have a lovely scar above my ankle where the rope tore into my skin. Simply calling it a rope burn really doesn't do it justice.

2) WHAT IS ON THE WALLS OF YOUR BEDROOM?
My bedroom, like the rest of my house, is not very decorated. Hanging on the walls of my bedroom right now are: a 2011 Bones calendar, a 2010 Michael Jackson calendar (I couldn't find one for this year, so I just use it for the pictures), the poster that Shell's co-workers made for her when she went to days, and this framed poster.

3) WHAT DOES YOUR MOBILE PHONE LOOK LIKE?
It's a black iPhone 3GS.

4) WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
I listen to a classic rock station on the radio, or to the station the kids like which is basically a Top 40's type. When I'm listening to my iPod, all bets are off. It's a mix of everything.

5) DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?

I was born at 7:37 AM.

6) WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
To not be in debt.

7) WHO DO YOU MISS?

I miss my best friend and my sisters and my nieces and nephews. I miss being with my extended family on holidays. And sometimes I miss the days when my kids were little and thought we were the best people on the planet and smiled every time they saw us and gave hugs that didn't hold back.

8) IS ANYONE IN LOVE WITH YOU OR HAS A CRUSH ON YOU?
Well, I sure hope so...otherwise, what I am working so hard at?

9) WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU KISSED?
My wife.

10) WHAT IS YOUR MIDDLE NAME?

Michelle

11) THE BEST TV SHOW EVER CREATED?
I can't think of one "BEST". Of the shows currently on the air though, it's a tie between The Big Bang Theory, Modern Family, and Bones. But, I don't really watch many more than that, so I'm not really choosing from that many.

12) THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO?
A customer.

13) DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
No, not really.

14) THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
I can't remember. I guess that's a good thing.

15) WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOGNE/PERFUME?
I don't have one. I haven't worn perfume in about 7 or 8 years and Shell hasn't for probably about 4 years. I liked the way Tommy Girl smelled on her, but I have a sentimental fondness for White Diamonds perfume. That's what she wore when we were first together and when I get a whiff of it now, I can remember how I'd feel when we were close enough for me to smell it on her. :)

16) WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?

Eye color and hair color really isn't all that important to me, on either sex. Most eyes are beautiful, regardless of their coloring. And I really don't notice hair color that much.

17) WOULD YOU RATHER BE SMART OR FUNNY?
I guess I'd rather be smart. I don't think it would be that fun to be dumb and funny, because how would you know if people are laughing because you tell a good joke or are laughing because your lack of intelligence is funny?

18) COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?
Coffee. I cannot STAND energy drinks. I don't like the way they smell or taste.

19) WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
Just one? Can't do it. My favorite topped pizza is the Gourmet Vegetarian from Papa Murphy's take and bake. It has white sauce instead of red and is topped with artichoke hearts, mushrooms, spinach, tomatoes, zucchini and cheese. It also has onions on it, but I ask them to substitute more of the good stuff and leave the onions off. It is SO GOOD!

20) IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I think I want that yummy pizza! :)

21) WHO IS THE LAST PERSON WHO MADE YOU MAD?
I don't really get mad all that much, so it takes a lot to get me there. I don't remember the last time I was mad. Guess that's a good thing too. :)

22) DO YOU SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE?
No. I took German for three years in high school and really loved it. I could speak it very well and read it as well. Unfortunately, when there isn't anyone to talk with, the knowledge goes away. Now I remember a handful of words and that's it.

23) WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT THAT YOU REMEMBER SOMEONE GIVING YOU?
This one has me stuck. I mostly remember Christmas and birthday gifts from my parents when I was much younger. I can remember stuffed animals that I got for Christmas from friends too.

24) DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE?
I like a lot of people. For the most part, I like everyone in my life. If I didn't like them, they wouldn't be in my life. Well, I guess that doesn't apply to family. No, it does. I'm not in touch with family who I don't like. Refer back to the first 3 sentences.

25) ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
Nope.

26) FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
Torrid

27) WHAT IS YOUR DREAM CAR?
A new one, doesn't matter what kind. I fantasize about a new car with warranties still intact and low mileage and new car smell. Heaven....

28) WHAT COLOR IS IT?
Doesn't matter.

29) WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF EXERCISE?
Ha! Um...well...see... Exercise? I don't do it. So my favorite? Whatever will get me up and moving and motivated to keep it up. Basically, I'm still looking for my favorite kind of exercise.

30) WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
Oh gosh, that's a tough one. I'm all about the "it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all", BUT. If I knew that the someone was going to leave before I fell in love with them? Maybe not. And I know that you can't help who you fall in love with, but I don't think I would let it go very far knowing that I would lose them. I'm just not all that much a fan of that kind of pain.

31) WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
Tell them. Seriously. And show them. Don't hide it or beat around the bush.

32) WRITE A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED
72

33) BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
Brunettes are usually much more attractive in my opinion. Usually more real-looking too.

34) WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL THE MOST OFTEN?
Shell's cell phone

35) WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
Ignorance

36) HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE COUNTRY? WHERE DID YOU GO? WHAT PLACE DID YOU LIKE BEST?
The only place I've been outside of the US is the Bahamas. We loved it.

37) YOUR WEAKNESSES?
Food...

38) FRIES/CHIPS, RICE OR BEANS?
If I'm choosing between fries or chips, chips always win. Between rice and beans, always rice.

39) FIRST JOB?
I worked at B. Dalton Booksellers which was a bookstore owned by the Barnes & Noble group.

40) EVER PRANK CALLED SOMEONE?
Not that I can think of.

41) WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS?
Before and during: working of course! :)

42) IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Weight loss surgery and get rid of the excess skin once the weight is gone.

43) WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS MEME?
I'm starting to wonder. It's LONG!

44) WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ON THE MOST?
My kids. They really are my best feature.

45) WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
Eh, probably wouldn't miss it all that much.

46) WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Two more tattoos.

47) HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
I have two and two is good enough.

48) WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Nope, no one.

49) WHICH FINGER IS YOUR FAVORITE?
Shell's fingers are my favorite. ;)

50) DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
Not with much investment in believing on them.

51) WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
String cheese.

52) DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Yeah, it's alright. It's legible, but not very fancy.

53) WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Pastrami.

54) ANY BAD HABITS?
Well, there's the too much food and not enough exercise bad habit... and I procrastinate too much.

55) WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?
It would probably be the Grease 2 soundtrack. I love it and listen to the music still, but it's not high caliber talent.

56) IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
I think so.

57) HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET THAT YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
Only to Shell. And just for the record, no one has ever told me a secret and said that I couldn't tell her. So I think it's understood that she'll probably find out.

58) DO LOOKS MATTER?
Yes, I have to admit that they do.

59) YOU RELEASE YOUR ANGER?
Again, I don't really get angry very often but no, I don't release it very well. I usually just keep it to myself for the most part.

60) WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?
Sadly, it would probably be my office since I spend so much time here.

61) Do you trust others easily?
Kind of. It depends on what I'm trusting them with, but I tend to think that the people I might consider trusting something with are probably dependable to some extent.

62) What was your favorite toy as a child?
My Little Pony. I had the stable and the castle and so many ponies. I loved them.

63) How many numbers are in your mobile phone?
I have 121 contacts.

64) Do you use sarcasm?
Yes, but not very well. I think that sometimes it comes off as potentially hurtful. I don't mean it to, but it does.

65) Do you know anyone famous?
No. The closest I get is barely knowing Shell's aunt who is Hazel Payne from the 70's group A Taste of Honey. Their claim to fame was the song "Boogie Oogie Oogie".

66)Have you ever been in a mosh pit?
No.

67) What do you look for in a place to live?
It would have to be big enough for us, in a good neighborhood with good schools accessible and not a ridiculous commute for us to get to work. And affordable.

68) What are your nicknames?
Mommy, Timmy, Tyffer, Tyff, Beautiful, Sexy.

69) How many hats do you own? What is your hat size?
I have about 3 baseball caps and have no idea what size they are.

70) Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
Usually.

71) Were you upset about Steve Irwin dying?
It was sad, but not surprising. You can only pretend that you are invincible for so long before something proves you wrong.

72) What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Jamoca Almond Fudge from Baskin Robbins.

73)Are you lazy?
Kind of.

74) What are your favorite songs at the moment?
The tracks off of the Michael Jackson Cirque du Soleil Immortal and anything by Adele and Matt Nathanson. I've just really discovered them and can't get enough.

75) What is your favorite band?
The Beatles

76) How many wisdom teeth do you have?
Just the top two for the next eleven days and then they are coming out.

77) Do you want to go anywhere special this year?
There's not much time left in this year, so I'd have to say that the most special place I want to go is home. Every day, without going to class first, or taking the kids somewhere or picking them up from somewhere. I just want to go home.

78) What are you listening to right now?
The Dixie Chicks "Not Ready to Make Nice".

79) Last thing you ate?
Still the same, string cheese.

80) Last person you talked to on the phone?
A customer... a different one from before, but still.

81) What is the first thing that you notice about yourself in the morning?
My crazy hair.

82) Favorite thought provoking song?
Michael Jackson's "Man in the Mirror".

83) Favorite two things to hate?
That's a strange question.

84) Favorite Drink?
Ice water. Or chocolate shakes. Or a Long Beach Iced Tea.

85) Favorite Zodiac sign?
I don't care about Zodiac signs. My kids and my best friend are Leo's, so I guess that would be one I like.

86) Sports you like to watch?
If no sports ever came on my television again for the rest of my life, I wouldn't miss them at all. Yes, that's my answer.

87) What is your hair color?
I have naturally boring brown hair. I color it though, so the brown is much prettier and there is some blond in it too. It's much better this way.

88) Eye color?
I have brown eyes, but they have a green tinge to them.

89) Do you wear glasses?
No, but I think it's only a matter of time before I do.

90) Siblings?
My sisters are 3 1/2 years younger than me and are fraternal twins.

91) Favorite month?
May. Spring is still hanging around and the temps are very comfortable. It's my birthday month and the month when summer break starts for me and the kids. All good things.

92) Do you like sushi?
I really haven't had it, but I don't like fish so I don't think I'd like sushi either.

93) Last thing you watched on television?
A rerun of Big Bang Theory last night.

94) Favorite day of the year?
I have two. April 23- the day Shell and I became an us and July 30- the day my babies were born.

95) Are you too shy to ask someone out?
I've never asked someone out, when I think it would be intimidating to do so. I think I could but I am truly thankful that I don't have to worry about it.

96) Summer or Winter?
Neither, I'm a fall and spring kind of girl.

97) Kisses or hugs?
I absolutely love them both!

98) Relationships or One night stands?
Relationships.

99) Who is your favorite celebrity?
I love Rosie O'Donnell.

100) Books you'd like to see turned into a film?
I love books too much to see them changed and messed with, which is what happens when they are put on film.

Day 23

2011-05-20T10:08:00.003-06:00

30 Days: Day 23-Favorite vacation

I have plenty of wonderful memories from vacations I've taken in my life. Some of the more prominent ones include:

Trip to Missouri with my grandma when I met so many of my family on her side for the first time. Rode horses almost every day and fed my inner horse-lover.

Many summer trips to my grandparents' in Oakland and visiting my mom's step-sister at the restaurant she waitressed at. She'd bring me unlimited Shirley Temple's filled with cherries.

Driving to Utah for the wedding of my second cousin and hanging out with and playing cards with the adults instead of having to play with the kids. Staying out with my cousin and her friends until very late and having everyone tease us for being so tired the next day.

My first trip to Colorado to see my newborn niece. I got to do the middle-of-the-night feedings and hold her as much as I wanted. It snowed and other than missing Shell like crazy, I didn't want to leave.

Taking my kids to California for the first time and showing them off to everyone.

Going to the Bahamas with my wife.

Road trip to California with my mom and my kids. My sister flew in with her kids from Missouri and along with my other sister and her two girls we all descended on my grandma's house for much visiting. I left them to hang out with my best friend for a couple of days before flying home and my kids went back to the desert with my sister for a bit before coming home. It was busy and wonderful. The posts about that trip are here and here and here.

Any time my best friend comes and I take some time off is a great way to spend a vacation, even if we don't do anything specific.

A particularly wonderful vacation in recent years happened in 2009. My sister and her family were going to spend a long weekend here and we decided to do something instead of just hang out. We decided to drive to Mount Rushmore as none of us had ever been there and it was only a 6 hour drive from here. I wrote about our long weekend here and here and here. It remains a highlight today and I'm so glad we took my dad as he had a great time too.

30 Days Interruption

2011-05-16T11:45:00.003-06:00

I'm almost done with the 30 Days challenge and am really enjoying it. I found another challenge where each day is a picture of something and although I'll have to post from home in order to access my pictures, I'm looking forward to it. In the meantime, having a pre-planned topic to post about has been really nice and has made it easier to get here and post, but I want to take a quick break from it to update on what's been going on.

First, it's summer finally!!!! Okay, so it's actually my summer break. I wrapped up all my finals and final projects and am pretty thrilled with how I did. My final grades were a B in Colorado History and A's in American Government, Human Sexuality, and Pre-Algebra. And, not only did I get an A in my math class, but I got the highest percentage in the class and was the only student to get 100% on the final. That class has been the best experience and has done wonders for my confidence in getting through the other math classes I still have to take to get my degree. I've got 2 more to take to fulfill the prerequisites and then will have just one for the degree requirement. It still feels like SO MUCH MATH, but now I have more confidence in my abilities and it doesn't seem as daunting. I'm all registered for Fall classes and although I'm looking forward to them, I'm also SO glad that I have a break until August. In the Fall I'm taking Introductory Algebra, Science of Biology, Music Appreciation and English Composition II. The English and Music classes are online, the math class is on campus two nights a week and the Biology class is a hybrid course that is taught mainly online with labs done on campus every Saturday afternoon. I think this semester will be an interesting mixture and since I'm going to stop working my second job once the semester starts, I should be able to manage it better.

My kids are still in school, but their last day is next Thursday (5/26). End of the year activities are in full force now. The last choir concert was last week, the end of year choir picnic was last Saturday, the last band concert is tomorrow night and the band is competing on Thursday. We just wrote the last lunch money checks for the year and their fees for next year are due by May 31. Then we can all relax into summer mode.

We are in the process of finishing up the boy's room in the basement. The walls and closet are built and are waiting on the curtains to serve as his bedroom and closet doors. We'll probably do some shopping around this weekend so he can pick what he likes. There is also some discussion about whether or not to buy him a new bed. His twin bed is about 7 years old and is in great shape, but he is outgrowing it. We haven't done a measurement lately, but I would guess he is very close to or at 5'7". He has asked for a bigger bed, and although a twin and a full are the same in length, he would have more room to position and get comfortable or even lay diagonal if he wanted. A new bed is only in the budget if we find a really good sale, so he will likely be using his twin until that happens, but we haven't moved it down to the basement yet just in case. There is a recliner in the basement from when Shell's dad was here and my boy has decided that he wants it if room can be found. He slept in that last night for the first night in his new room. It's coming along.

There is no set date for moving Shell's mom here as of now. Her doctor is working on some things with her to try to get her more mobile, so we're waiting to see what happens with that. I'm staying out of it for the most part and told Shell to let me know when there is a time frame to start planning for. I don't want to dwell on the unknown. It'll happen when it happens.

What else... Shell and I celebrated our anniversaries during the time I've been doing the 30 Day challenge. On April 23, it was 19 years since we started dating and May 3 was the 8th anniversary of our commitment ceremony. May 5 was my birthday which got kind of buried in finals and I actually had two of them on that day. I requested the 5th and 6th off of work, so in the midst of test taking, I also had some down time. I had a really yummy ice cream cake on my birthday and presents! I got 4 cute shirts, 2 pairs of capris and 2 pairs of jeans from the kids and Shell gave me two signed books that I am so excited to read: Black Heels to Tractor Wheels by Ree Drummond (the Pioneer Woman) and Sing You Home by Jodi Picoult (who I LOVE!). Since my birthday was only 4 days before Mother's Day, we combined the two on Saturday with a barbecue at my parents' house. Saturday night was originally planned for playing cards with my parents, but the day before I got a call from Shell's best friend asking if I'd be interested in two tickets to see Lionel Richie perform Saturday night at a gala for the hospital she works for. Shell is not a fan of his, but my mom and I are so I took the tickets and we went. He was amazing and performed for 2 hours without any breaks. He did practically everything you'd want to hear and sounded great. The only songs he didn't sing that we would have liked to hear were "Truly" and "Endless Love", but since he has an all-male band there wasn't anyone to do the duet with, so I was okay with that omission. It was a fun way to do something with my mom for mother's day, and it only cost me $15 for parking!

Day 22

2011-05-13T15:39:00.000-06:00

30 Days: Day 22-Favorite city

I don't think I have a favorite city. I like plenty of places for different reasons and for memories that I've made there.

My favorite American city that I've never been to but has so much I want to see and do is New York City. My favorite city outside of the US for the same reason is a three-way tie between Sidney, Australia, London, England, and Paris, France.

I love San Francisco for many reasons, but mostly because during summer visits to my grandparents in Oakland, we'd take the BART to the city and spend the day. I loved it and I would love to take Shell there someday. It seems silly that we've never gone, but it just hasn't happened yet.

I really love the city we live in now. My kids have grown up in this area and have attended the same school since kindergarten. I love the climate and love their school, which I probably wouldn't be saying if we hadn't moved from where we grew up in California. There are cities that I enjoy visiting or would really like to visit someday, but when it comes right down to it, my favorite place is my home. I like it that way. :)

Day 20

2011-05-13T14:32:00.002-06:00

30 Days: Day 20 - A Picture of You

Here's a recent picture of me (and Shell) that I don't hate. We both look pretty good actually. This was taken by the very nice lesbian who sat in front of us at the Janet Jackson concert last month. The place was FULL of gay men and women. We deduced that at least half of that audience was family. It was so fun!

Day 21

2011-05-12T10:22:00.000-06:00

30 Days: Day 21-Nicknames

I haven't really had many nicknames and the ones I've had or have now are ones I don't really mind. When I was very young, my dad nicknamed me Shorty and he continued calling me that through high school. Now he writes it in my birthday cards, just to make sure I know he hasn't forgotten it.

As a variation on my name, the most common nickname I've had is Tyff, but my family has also exapanded that to Tyffy and Tyffer in the past.

Shell has many nicknames for me which are typically complements to my appearance. She refers to me as Beautiful, Gorgeous, Sexy and the other common names like Honey, Babe and Baby.

One of my favorite nicknames is what my nieces and nephew call me. When the oldest started learning names, she decided that none of us had names she approved of so she picked her own.
Okay, so she just couldn't pronounce them correctly and what she did call us ended up being our new monikers. Aunt Tyffany is a mouthful, so she simplified it for herself and I became Timmy. Sometimes they call me Aunt Timmy now too.

My favorite nickname of all is Mommy. My kids are 12 now, and they both still call me Mommy and I don't take it for granted. I'll be sad to see it go when I become Mom, but I feel like I've had a good long run with the name I grew up knowing that I wanted to be called.

Catching up on Day 14

2011-05-10T22:57:00.007-06:00

30 Days: Day 14- A picture you love

For our Christmas pictures in 2006, we went to the mall and had them done at a studio. The pictures turned out pretty great, but this one was my favorite. The photographer whispered in my boy's ear just before taking the shot and my girl had no idea what she told him. It's perfect.

Day 19

2011-05-04T10:47:00.003-06:00

30 Days: Day 19-Something you miss

I'm noticing a pattern in the way I respond to these topics. For instance, today's is asking for "something I miss", but I look at that and know that I'm going to answer with "somethings I miss" in bullet form. I'm not good at making decisions and I guess this just confirms that. I wonder if that makes it more frustrating for people reading, like "geez, just pick one thing. I don't need to read a list..." or if they're like me and see a list and think "yay! more ways to learn about this person who I've come to like so much even though I've never met them and quite probably never will!" Which side do you fall on?
So on to the list of somethings I miss...
I miss:

being in high school. I know that sounds weird, but let me clarify what I mean. I miss the butterflies I'd get thinking of Shell and how her face would break out in the hugest smile every time I'd see her. I miss getting notes in between class from her and other friends and then writing notes during class to distribute. I miss walking home with my best friend. I miss being in choir and singing every day. I miss the innocent certainty that being an adult was going to be great compared to being a kid/teen.

being pregnant. I wish that I had seriously considered being a surrogate before I got too old to do it, because I'd really love to be pregnant again without adding to my family.

having time to read. I haven't read a book for pleasure since I started school last fall and I'm pretty sure it has been the longest time I've ever gone without reading. I'm seriously starting a book the day after my last final. I can't wait any longer!

seeing my extended families on holidays.

spending time with my best friend. A lot.

3 more days to the end of the semester!!!!

Day 18

2011-05-03T10:57:00.003-06:00

30 Days: Day 18-Something you regret

I try really hard not to have regrets. Everything that has happened in my life, good and bad, has brought me to where I am today. Do I wish somethings had happened differently? Sure, but even so, I don't regret that they happened. For example, our kids were born when we were 24 years old. That sounds young, but we had been together for 6 years by then. While I'm thrilled in most ways that we did have them so young, I sometimes wish that we had more time before them as adults to develop ourselves as a couple before adding kids. We were 17 when we got together and 18 when she graduated and we moved into an apartment with friends. We moved into our own apartment a year later and lived there for a year. It was just us and it was a time that we still think about very fondly. At the end of our year lease, we moved to Colorado and right into my parents basement where we lived for about 6 months. My sister, brother-in-law and niece lived with my parents then too. It was a full house. We moved out of my parents house when Shell was promoted to manager of the Motel 6 she worked at and we moved into the manager's on-site apartment. It was connected to the front lobby area through a hallway, so there were frequent interruptions. When she left that job, it came with the consequence of no longer having a place to live so we moved to my sister's basement while we looked for somewhere to live. During that time, we were also trying to get pregnant which happened while we were living with them. A new apartment complex was being built nearby which would fit into our budget, so we put our name on one. We moved in at the end of May and had 2 lovely months as just us before our babies were born.
Needless to say, there has been very little time in the 19 years we've been together where it was just us. I prefer to look forward to the time when it's just us instead of regretting not having more of it before the kids came. And I really am glad we had our kids at the age we did, I just wish we could have had more "us" time before it happened.

And I just realized that I do have a regret. I regret not managing our finances better and making bad choices that screwed up our credit. I'm very grateful that Shell took charge of things when she did, but I wish I hadn't let it get so bad before she did.

Day 17

2011-05-03T09:40:00.003-06:00

30 Days: Day 17-Something you’re looking forward to

This is very appropriate for just this moment in time.
I'm looking forward to:

the end of this semester! I've submitted all of my final assignments, am taking my Colorado History final Thursday afternoon, taking my Pre-Algebra final Thursday night, taking my Human Sexuality final on Friday and wrapping it all up with my American Government final on Saturday. This has been a tough semester and I'm REALLY looking forward to some time to get some things done around my house and maybe even read a book for pleasure.

getting my boy's new room in the basement finished. My dad built the frame for his new wall last weekend and we'll probably have that part done by the end of this weekend. Then we'll move his furniture down and arrange it. He'll have to deal with the curtain that's already down there for now and the overhead light, then once we recover from the wall costs we'll personalize the space for him.

seeing my aunt next month. She's never been out here and even though we see her when we visit California, it's very infrequent. Plus she's my favorite of all my aunts and uncles and she'll be here for a week!

What I'm looking forward to long term:

Making all this work worth it when I get my degree. AA first, then on to the BA. Maybe someday I'll do the Master's program too. Maybe.

At the same time as I'm dreading it, I'm also looking forward to seeing what my kids are like as teens. I'm really hoping for it to be mild, but the anticipation of not knowing makes me worry about it more.

the time when the kids are out of the house and it's just Shell and &.

having a career and getting paid for something I'm passionate about.

seeing my kids go to college.

legally marrying my wife in the state we live in. Big dreaming there, but I have to believe it will happen.

Day 16

2011-04-29T14:31:00.002-06:00

30 Days:Day 16-Dream house

I don't really have a dream house, kind of like I don't have a dream car or a dream vacation. What I do have is elements of each of those things that I would really love to have. So. Things about a house that would make it dreamy for me include:

Large bedrooms. Our master bedroom now is quite large, but the kids' rooms are very much not. I'd like for all the rooms to be big.

A separate room (not someone's bedroom) for the computer to live it. Our computer is currently in the living room and I'd like it to be removed from the main areas of the house.

A bathroom for each person who lives in the house. This would mean that there'd be two bathrooms in the master bedroom, which would really be perfect.

Double oven in the kitchen and a large cooktop with grill built in like the cooking shows have.

Windows that open from bottom to top instead of side to side. I hate having the windows open and the shades rattling whenever the wind blows. I wish I could match the shade to be open the same way as the window. I suppose this would also work with vertical shades.

A finished basement with bathroom.

Manicured lawns with flowers and trees. Maintained by someone else. I'd like a deck in the backyard with some type of awning or cover that won't blow away.

A dog door to the backyard so we don't have to open the door for the dogs a million times a day.

An interior decorator to help us coordinate colors and accessories and prints for the walls so it reflects us but still looks good.

No carpet. I'd like laminate flooring throughout, with some type of runners on the stairs. Big carpet tiles in the bedrooms for coziness, but no more wall to wall carpet, particularly in the main areas of the house.

Ample lighting. The lighting in our kitchen sucks and I always wish it was brigher in there.

My dream house would be paid for. :)

The best part about my dream house would be that my neighbors would be my friends and my close family members. You know, the ones I'd like to have near as much as possible. Even if it was just their vacation home, at least I'd know I'd get to see them more often.

A substitute "Day"

2011-04-27T09:16:00.003-06:00

Day 14 of the 30 Day Challenge is "A picture you love", but I haven't had a chance to do this one as my pictures are on my computer at home and I do my blog posts mostly at work. I'm trying really hard to only work on schoolwork when I sit in front of my computer at home and looking at pictures and posting to my blog doesn't apply. So, in place of Day 14, I'm going to do Day 15 and make it back to Day 14 when I can.

30 Days: Day 15-Bible verse

My parents were not church-goers. When celebrating holidays, we never observed any religious aspects of it. Easter was purely about dying eggs, baskets full of candy, easter egg hunts, and yummy food. Christmas was Santa, christmas trees, presents, stockings, reindeer...and yummy food. My maternal grandmother however, was and still is a very religious woman and when my sisters and I were young we would stay over on Saturday night and go with her to church Sunday morning. It didn't happen every week, more like a couple of times a month. And a couple of summers I stayed through the week to attend Vacation Bible School. But all that stopped once I started junior high school. And as I've gotten older and looked deeper at what I do and don't believe, I have discovered and accepted that I don't believe in God and I don't believe that the Bible is "God's Word". I consider myself an agnostic atheist.

Regardless of my views, I am familiar with many Bible verses. A couple that I am quite fond of are:

"Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble."1 Peter 3:8

"Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.
Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to giveall the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned." Song of Solomon 8:6-7

Day 13

2011-04-25T15:19:00.002-06:00

30 Days: Day 13-Goals

Righ now, my goal is to complete this 30 Day Challenge, particularly because I found another similar one that has piqued my interest. Isn't that crazy??

Okay, so my goals. Bring on the bullets!

The end of this semester is in less than 2 weeks. Goal: To finish with strong final projects and be prepared to take my finals and do my best.

To complete the huge project I started over a year ago to scan my parents photos onto my hard drive.

To get my boy settled into his new space in the basement without it looking like we threw it together without taking his needs and wants into consideration.

To keep my sanity and perspective when Shell's mom moves in with us this summer.

Lose weight and be healthy.

Make spending time with Shell and the kids a priority, not an afterthought.

Get caught up on our recorded shows and watch the first and second seasons of Glee to get caught up before the next season starts.

Day 12

2011-04-22T13:59:00.002-06:00

30 Days: Day 12-What you believe

This topic has me stuck, so since I've yet to come up with something wise and thought-provoking, I'm just going to play stream of thought here. Lucky you... :)

I believe...

that the decision I made 19 years ago (tomorrow!) to be with Shell was the absolute right choice.

that my children are the most perfect combination of myself, Shell, and the donor. Looking at his profile recently after so long made me realize how much he contributed to them.

in my ability to get my BA, because I have an awesome support group behind me.

that I will test the limits of my procrastination every semester and that time management will never be a strength of mine.

that in spite of my insecurities, I am a good mom.

that I'm not a very good partner.

that Shell and I are very mismatched in many ways, but that we still belong together.

that my wife thinks that I am the most beautiful woman she's ever seen. I disagree, but I believe that she believes it.

the children are our future.

that the previous statement proves that my stream of thought on this topic is complete.

I hope that everyone has a fantastic weekend, whatever you're doing. We're hosting dinner for my parents on Saturday (pork tenderloin, scalloped potatoes, sauteed green beans, rolls, fruit salad) and then going to their house Sunday morning for breakfast and the egg hunt. I have to work Sunday afternoon, but hope to still get some homework done at some point. Only 2 more weeks left in the semester and I have final papers to write and studying for final exams still. Come on summer!!

Day 11

2011-04-20T09:50:00.010-06:00

30 Days: Day 11-Favorite TV shows

I used to watch A LOT of TV. Back when dramas were intense and had characters that were developed, when sitcoms were laugh-out-loud funny and had characters that were developed. Before reality shows took over and writers lost all originality. Most of my favorite TV shows are long gone now. Shows like The Facts of Life, Growing Pains, Life Goes On, Little House on the Prairie, Full House, The Cosby Show, ER, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Ghost Whisperer...you get the point.

And now especially, I don't have the time to watch shows that I don't absolutely love. Even the ones I love sit in my DVR for weeks after they've aired until I have a chance to watch them. But I do watch them eventually. The shows that are on the air currently and that I watch because I love them are:

Bones

How I Met Your Mother

Modern Family

The Good Wife

Big Bang Theory

I've also been watching Oprah's new OWN network shows and the ones I really LOVE are:

I've recorded The Judds show, but haven't had a chance to watch it yet and I am super excited that Rosie O'Donnell will have a talk show on OWN in the fall. The only other TV I watch is the Food Network which Shell watches on the weekends and I sit and watch if I have time. I'm excited that Pioneer Woman will have a Food Network show this fall and intend to watch/record every one.

Day 10

2011-04-18T11:27:00.002-06:00

30 Days: Day 10-Something you’re afraid of

I'm not really afraid of things. Spiders are creepy and I am not a fan of them being on me, but I am the Spider Killer in my house and am always called for if one is inside. I am not afraid of small rodents or reptiles and I live for thunderstorms. Natural disasters are a frightening occurrence, but I don't fear them. The only "thing" I might put on a list of things that strike fear in me is heights. But even then, I'm not afraid of heights or even afraid that I might fall. It's just an unnerving feeling to have my feet off the ground high enough that I can't make one step back to ground. Also, this gets worse the more I weigh. Maybe I think that the extra weight will interfere with my balance. I don't know.

What I do fear more than anything is one day looking back and regretting how I've raised my kids. I would imagine a lot of parents do have regrets and I'm not talking about small things. I am afraid that my kids will turn out badly somehow and although I wish wild success with financial security for both of them, more than anything I want them to be good people with plenty of friends and someone they will love who loves them back in all the right ways. I want them to be happy. I know too many people who are not truly happy for various reasons and I don't want that for my children. I want to know that our decision to have them was not purely selfish, but actually placed good people on the earth. I want other people to think of my kids and be glad to know them. I fear the opposite.

Other than that, I fear death. Not my own, but that of my close friends and family. I fear the empty hole in my life that would result from the loss of them. I feel panicky thinking about losing Shell, my kids, my Eric, or my sisters to death. I dread losing my parents, but I know that the day will come when I do and it's inevitable. But I can not imagine feeling okay with losing any of the others. It's unfathomable.

Day 9

2011-04-13T16:00:00.000-06:00

30 Days:Day 9-A picture of your friends

The two people who know me better than anyone. My best friend Eric and my Shell.

Two people who I could ask for anything from and they would try to make it happen. Shell's best friend (on the right) and her girlfriend.

Day 8

2011-04-13T13:41:00.008-06:00

So before I tackle today's topic, an update on my life currently. If I just say BUSY, would that explain it?
My job responsibilities have grown and where I used to have a pretty sizable amount of down time if I planned my day well, now I have very little. Oh and all this with no extra pay, of course. Ugh!
The end of the semester is 3 weeks away and I am still getting caught up on some assignments that I should have done weeks ago. They aren't technically "late" because this very odd instructor only puts deadlines as a suggestion and the assignments are accepted through the end of the semester. I work better with concrete deadlines as it's too easy to put aside the ones that aren't "due" in favor of working on everything else. I'm getting there, but 3 weeks isn't really all that long. The biggest and most delightful surprise of this semester is how well I've done/am doing in my math class. I love it and have gotten A's on all the tests and really, really hope that my teacher teaches the class I'll be taking in the Fall. Fingers are crossed in a big way for that! Registration for fall classes is on Monday and I'm 98% sure of what I'm taking. Hopefully I get what I want!
Then summer...aaaaaahhhh summer. I am really looking forward to getting some stuff done around my house and enjoying the time off of school. There are discussions of Shell's mom possibly coming to live with us and it might happen as early as June. I think it's an awful idea, but she simply can't live alone right now and there is no one volunteering to take her in. If this happens, we have to move one of the kids, and it'll probably be my boy, to the basement which is unfinished and basically used for storage and laundry since the washer and dryer are there. It's going to take a little work to make it livable, so I may be tackling that project here pretty soon. Joy. This clouds my excitement about summer a bit, but at least I know that regardless of juggling everything else, school won't be added to the mix until August.

Oh and the Janet concert? Awesome. Our seats were fantastic, although we stood and danced through the majority of it. She looks so amazing and moves like no one's business. Although, I most certainly made it my business. What? She's f*cking hot! So. Moving on...

30 Days: Day 8-A place you’ve traveled to

Well, there aren't many to be honest. I grew up in Southern California and the most traveling we did when I was a kid was to visit my grandparents near San Francisco every summer. They actually lived in San Lorenzo, but we'd always drive or take the BART into the city for a day whenever we went. We used to go camping a lot too, but that was always in California too. We used to drive to visit my parents' friends in Nevada when I was about 4 or 5, but I don't remember. When I was in 7th grade, I went with my grandma to Missouri for the 50th wedding anniversary celebration of her sister and brother-in-law. It was the first time I'd met any of the people who lived there and I had a really great time. When I was 14 we drove to Utah for the wedding of my mom's second cousin and again I got to know family that I had had limited contact with before. Then we moved to Colorado when I was 21 years old. And we had our ceremony in Las Vegas in 2003. Other than driving through parts of Arizona and New Mexico on our way to and from California, that was all the traveling I had done outside of California. Until 2006 when we got the opportunity of a lifetime.

Every year, Shell's work has a big appreciation event for the top sales people in the company, but they also include employees who are voted on by their coworkers for exceptional service. In 2005, Shell was chosen. The prize was a trip to the Bahamas in January 2006 where we stayed at the Atlantis resort in Nassau. All the other "winners" stayed there as well and each day was up to you as to what you wanted to do then each night everyone got together for dinner and festivities. The first night it was a buffet dinner and cocktails followed by dancing. Another night we had dinner while an amazing costumed parade wound its way throughout the crowd. That night ended in fireworks over the water. The second to last night was the recognition of all the employees during dinner and ended with drinks and dancing. We spent our days wandering around the resort shops, hanging out on the beach (although we couldn't go in the water due to the high wind warnings), soaking in the sun at the pool, and even left the resort one day to shop and have lunch and sightsee in downtown Nassau. There were pools all throughout the resort with marine life swimming in them and the pool that was directly under our room had rays in it that I would sit and watch. It was beautiful and magical and I am so thankful that we had the opportunity to do something so amazing together. And for free! The only thing we spent money on were our souvenirs.

Unfortunately, this trip was prior to our ownership of a digital camera and the 35mm that we took was nearing the end of its life. Plus, I lost a roll of film (we took several) that had pictures from the big appreciation night and the fireworks and parade dinner. :( The pictures we have are not great, and not digital, but I grabbed a couple on my way out the door this morning so I could scan them in for this post.
Shell in the waters of the Bahamas. Due to the winds, she wasn't supposed to be in the water at all and right after I snapped this shot they yelled at her to get back. But it was worth it. :)
Beautiful!
Us on the throne at the Atlantis.

Day 7

2011-04-08T11:01:00.014-06:00

30 Days:Day 7- Favorite movies

Here's the thing about the question of "what's your favorite movie?" It's kind of fluid and depends on my mood and my life at the moment. Favorite movie falls under the same heading of Favorite Song. It's impossible to pick just one lest I leave out one that I really, really love. So here are some of the movies I love more than the vast majority of movies I've seen. And I will still leave out some...

Day 6

2011-04-06T14:12:00.007-06:00

30 Days: Day 6-A picture of something that makes you happy

I am a very lucky person to have many things that make me happy. I pulled out a picture of my family and one of my best friend, then realized that other 30 Days topics cover these. I decided to include one that isn't directly covered, plus a bonus one indicative of something that is making me happy today!

So this is a picture of 6 of my favoritest people in the world. My kids, plus my three nieces and nephew. It was a rare treat to have them all together at the same time and I am crazy in love with every one of them.

And in honor of the concert I am going to tonight and have been giddily looking forward to since we bought the tickets in January...

I am SO excited to see her again. I last saw her in 1990 during the Rhythm Nation tour and the last time whe performed in Denver I couldn't afford to go. But tonight, I am 6th row center and cannot wait! And that most definitely makes me very happy today.

Day 5

2011-04-04T15:51:00.007-06:00

30 Days: Day 5-Your siblings

I am the oldest of three girls. My little sisters are twins and were born when I was 3 1/2 years old. They are 33 years old and not little anymore, but I'm the oldest so I get to call them that. S is older than K by one minute and they are and always have been polar opposites.

When we were growing up, they always wanted to be with me. I'm not being conceited, it's a fact. When I was outside playing, they wanted to be doing whatever I was doing. When I had friends over, they drove me crazy wanting to be in my room too. Sometimes, I'd let them "spend the night" in my room, and they loved it. They'd fight over whose turn it was. We'd listen to music and dance and sing together, even putting on little shows for my parents and their friends. We'd put on a record and perform. K would announce us and sometimes do a little goofy dance, I always sang the lead vocals and S would do the backing vocals, or whatever I told her to sing. When I was taking German in high school, I taught S a bunch of it. As we grew into our teen years and all of us wanted to use the phone, we each had a 30-minute time limit. For the day. Their junior high was a little closer than my high school, so someone would already be on the phone when I got home. (My parents were both working in the afternoons by then) So I'd get home and demand that whoever was on the phone got off. And of course they wouldn't. Naturally, this progressed to screaming and yelling and pulling the phone away or even pulling the cord out of the wall. There would be physical fighting even. Phone calls are a serious matter when one is a teen you know...

So, when Shell and I ran away it damaged the bond that my sisters and I were starting to discover. By the time we got back, they were starting high school and wanted nothing to do with Shell and I. S hung out with kids who ditched school, smoked pot and had no ambition. K was in color guard, was friends with a lot of the kids in band and got really good grades. When K got pregnant just before turning 16, everyone thought that it would ruin her. I think it only made her more determined to succeed. Her boyfriend was 2 years older and they decided together to keep the baby and get married. Both sets of parents supported them and at 5 months pregnant, they were married and moved in with his parents so he could finish school and graduate. When my parents moved to Colorado, they decided to join them. By the time my niece was born, K and I were growing closer and that has continued ever since. My niece will be 17 in August and my sister and brother-in-law will celebrate their 17th anniversary next week. They also have another daughter who will be 13 this month. They moved back to California years ago so that my brother-in-law could go to the police academy while they lived with his parents. He is now a detective. My sister graduated high school on time and although it took her a long time, she graduated nursing school and is an RN in an emergency department of a busy hospital. They have a gorgeous house and very nice cars and I am ridiculously proud of them. My sister and I are very close and talk as often as our schedules allow. We don't have a lot of the same interests; she is a fashionista and a shoe snob and I am very much not. But we enjoy being together and genuinely like each other. Which is more than she can say about her twin.

When everyone moved to Colorado, my sister S did not want to leave her friends and her school so Shell & I agreed to let her live with us. The same month that my niece was born, 16-year-old S got pregnant. Her boyfriend was a loser, but she "loved him" and wouldn't admit it. To take advantage of my dad's insurance over state insurance, she moved to Colorado until my nephew was born, but a few months later she moved back to CA to live with her boyfriend. This was just before Shell & I moved to CO and since they had very little money I didn't get to see them unless someone paid for them to fly out for a visit. When she finally broke up with my nephew's dad, they moved to CO. Shell got S a job where she worked and I babysat my nephew. I saw her a lot and that continued once my kids were born. When they were newborns, she would come over on her lunch and help me with them or do dishes or laundry for me. We relied on each other for a lot of things over the years and became friends. Unfortunately, life has not been as kind to her as her twin, although her choices really are to blame. She lives in Missouri now and was a single mom for so many years, but always wanted to try for a daughter. When she got pregnant 4 years ago by a guy she'd only been seeing for a few months, we thought it would end with her now being single raising two kids. She is still with my niece's dad, but they've decided to walk away from their money pit of a house to rent one. They struggle financially and I wish they lived closer so we could help with babysitting or have them over for dinner or something easier to do than loan them money, which we just can't.

So, like I said. Polar opposites those two. S resents the way that K's life has turned out compared to hers. S doesn't know why she hasn't gotten a break in life, whereas K went out and made her break happen. That's the difference. Ambition, motivation and drive. One has none while the other has oodles of it. A simple difference sometimes makes all the difference.

Me and S last summer.

Me & my baby sister K in January.

My Parents

2011-03-31T15:19:00.005-06:00

30 Days: Day 4 My Parents

This is the most recent picture that I have of my parents. It's from January when my sister came for a long weekend during the time that my best friend and his boyfriend were here. It's actually pretty surprising that I have a picture as recent as this, as my mom is not usually one to agree to pictures of herself.

Anyway...my parents. That's kind of a loaded topic, so I'll start with the easy stuff. My parents lived practically around the corner from each other in junior high and high school. My mom had a crush on my dad early on, but he didn't really know she existed. Well, maybe that's not entirely true. He knew of her, mostly because her older brother had a reputation and they knew many of the same kids. But they weren't friends nor did they hang out together directly. Anyway, in high school my dad was kind of popular for being pretty good looking and being in a car club. Plus, he was a nice guy as well. My mom had a serious crush on him by then, which only intensified as they began hanging out in the same group. The summer before their senior year, they got closer until finally my dad broke up with his current girlfriend for my mom. That was 1968 and they were married in 1971. I was born in 1974 with my twin sisters following in 1977. My mom was a stay-at-home mom during my childhood, but did start working part-time when I was about 10 or 11. My dad worked hard and also worked on the house and the cars. He is very handy when it comes to household repairs and projects, which meant that our house, although very modest, was always in great shape.

My view of my parents was very favorable until my teen years, when it all fell apart. When I was 13, I had a friend who was not ideal in my mom's eyes. She wasn't really a "bad" kid, but her home life was very different from mine. Her parents were divorced and she lived with her dad, who imposed very few rules on her. And I wanted to be able to do what she could, which was typically not okay with my parents. I pushed against my rules and my parents blamed my friend. This became an ongoing issue with my friends. My rules were always stricter and more restrictive than my friends rules, so I broke mine to be able to do what they were doing. As a result, my parents felt that my friends were the problem, when really it was my own decisions that got me in trouble. And just to put it in perspective, none of my friends did drugs or drank or broke the law, and neither did I. I broke curfew rules when I was supposed to be home by 8 and everyone else was out until 10 or later. I was always supposed to be home right after school, but my best friend and I would sit in front of the junior high school that was right around the corner from my house and talk until after dark when my mom would drive over and pick me up to go home.

My mom didn't like Shell when we were friends and when I not only came out to my parents but also broke the news that I was seeing Shell, the rules got stricter and I pushed harder. My mom knew that she couldn't stop us from seeing each other at school, but I was not allowed to see her outside of school or even talk to her on the phone. When summer started less than 2 months after we started dating, I think my mom thought that it would put enough distance between us to break us up. Instead, I pushed harder against the rules. One Saturday morning, I borrowed my parent's car to go to the swap meet. I was supposed to be home by 1:00. I wasn't at the swap meet for very long, so I picked up Shell and we went to a park. We talked and snuggled and as the afternoon wore on, knew that I'd be in serious trouble when I got home. We imagined what it would be like to just get in the car and drive away, to be together and start "our" life right then. And then we did, sort of. We drove to her house where she took all the money she had saved and we started driving north. We didn't talk to anyone we knew and nobody knew where we were for 3 weeks. We had spent a week in a small town in Northern California, thinking we could find jobs but nobody wanted to hire a teenager living in a motel, not surprisingly. When we ran out of money and were approaching the end of the period we had prepaid for at the motel, we decided to call a friend and ask her to send us some money. Instead, she called Shell's parents who jumped in their car and headed our direction. We had no choice but to follow them back and they made sure of it by never completely filling our gas tank or handing us any money at all. When we got back, I called my parents who informed me that they wanted the car back, but that I couldn't come home. While I was gone they had boxed up everything in my room and put it in storage. My sister, who had previously shared a room with her twin, had moved in and even painted the walls.

That incident led to a very strained relationship between my parents and I and I went from living with our traitorous friend, to staying for a while on my parents couch, to living with Shell until she graduated high school and we moved out with some friends. My dad helped me move my stuff from the storage unit to our apartment and even came by every once in a while, but my mom never did. She wanted nothing to do with Shell. After a year at that apartment, Shell and I moved into one of our own and soon after my parents announced that they were moving to Colorado and then not long after that my sister announced that she was pregnant. My mom and I started talking on the phone and I was invited over for dinner a few times, but just me. After my parents moved and my niece was born, we talked a lot more often and after I visited them a few times, we started comtemplating moving as well. My mom offered to let Shell and I live with them until we found jobs and a place of our own, which led to discussions about how Shell would be treated. In the end, we moved and lived with them for about 3 months and it wasn't too bad at all.

It's been over 15 years since we moved and my relationship with my dad is better than ever. We do things together that my mom has no interest in and I think that we both know that we can count on each other if necessary. My mom and I are sometimes hot and sometimes cold. Usually there are long periods of really good times and then we'll have a bump in the road that is followed by some tension and then more good. This last summer we had a really big issue that resulted in almost 4 months of no communication between us. I talked to and saw my dad a few times during it, but I didn't see or talk to my mom. We've settled back to the good stuff now, which is always a relief.

My relationship with my mom makes me ultra-aware of my relationship with my daughter and more than anything I want to prevent a repeat with her. She's approaching her teen years quickly and I'm determined to not make the same rash judgments that my mom did and hopefully not fall into the same pattern.

30 Days: Day 3

2011-03-30T10:09:00.008-06:00

Day 3-Your first love
I think this one is highly interpretive and because of that, deserves a couple different answers.

First, I've been with Shell for almost 19 years and it is not a stretch to say that she was my first real, true love. What started as the strongest love I'd ever felt at 17 years old has evolved into grown-up love, strong enough to survive and grow through everything we've been through.
Shell was my first love.

When I became an aunt for the first time, I felt a love for my niece that was like no other. She's 16 years old and when I think of her even now, it overwhelms my heart. Her existence allowed me to experience the kind of earth shattering love that served as practice for the love I'd feel for my own kids. My heart stretched wide with love for her, making lots of room for the space I'd need for my nephew, my other two nieces and my babies.
My niece was my first love.

It's been over 22 years since I met my best friend and the love I feel for him is only rivaled by the love I have for my sisters, my nieces and nephew, my children and my wife. He is the first friend I ever had that I loved unconditionally, missed desperately when we were apart and felt loved by no matter what I did. In those emotion-charged teen years when everything was felt to extremes, he made me feel that I had value and it was not based on how I dressed or what I weighed or how much money I had. It was based on who I was inside, and if he thought I was good enough to be such a close friend, then I must have been worth something. To my teenage self, that meant everything to me.
Eric was my first love.

Books have consistently been a love of mine my whole life. My mom wrote in my baby book many times that I loved books, even before I could read. When I was younger, I read a lot. My childhood best friend did not read, but we had a lot of other common interests. I can't remember when it was exactly, but I remember we shared a fascination with the murders committed by the Manson family in the '60's. We were talking about it one day with my mom when she went into her own stash of books and pulled out Helter Skelter, which was written by the prosecutor of Manson. I ended up reading the book to my friend, since she would never tackle it. I read Gone With the Wind over the summer when I was 11 years old. I completely read and enjoyed almost every book assigned in my English classes, except for The Odyssey, which I couldn't finish and used Cliff's Notes to complete the tests and assignments. Thanks to high school English, I was introduced to To Kill A Mockingbird and it became and still is my favorite book.
Books were my first love.

30 Days: Day 2

2011-03-28T09:01:00.002-06:00

I'm so excited to see some of you tackle this 30 Days thing too. Before I move to Day 2 though, a couple of responses to your comments on my last two posts. Tara - yes, the Rhythm Nation concert was a pivotal point in our relationship, although it was actually the beginning of our friendship, years before we became an "us". Stacy - Unfortunately, you have us confused with 2 other cute lesbians. :) The only gay club/bar we've really ever gone to is Charlie's and we've only been going there for about 5 years now. And when I say "going there" I mean we go a couple of times a year, maybe. We don't really go out to drink very much, mostly because it's much cheaper to drink at home and you don't have to worry about driving home from wherever you were. On to Day 2: Meaning behind your blog name My blog name comes from a song from the movie Moulin Rouge. I have seen this film more times than I can count and love every single thing about it. The ballad Come What May is sung by Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor and is just beautiful. Shell and I both fell in love with it, so it was an easy choice to make it the song we danced to at the reception after our ceremony. Every time it plays on our iTunes playlists, we stop what we're doing and dance together. The meaning behind the phrase "come what may..." is perfect for our relationship and the choices we've made to live our lives together and on our terms. When I decided to try out this blogging thing, I struggled with what to call it. Then I heard this song and it made perfect sense to use it. I'm still happy with it and every time I see the title, it makes me smile.

30 Days

2011-03-22T09:55:00.002-06:00

Because I'm a little crazy and don't have enough going on... I thought I'd tackle this little posting project that I saw on CJ's blog. And although I'm obviously insane to take this on, I am not so delusional that I think this will be done in 30 consecutive days. Here's the set-up:

Day 1-Introduce, recent picture, 15 interesting facts
Day 2-Meaning behind your blog name

Day 3-Your first love

Day 4-Your parents

Day 5-Your siblings

Day 6-A picture of something that makes you happy

Day 7-Favorite movies

Day 8-A place you’ve traveled to

Day 9-A picture of your friends

Day 10-Something you’re afraid of

Day 11-Favorite TV shows

Day 12-What you believe

Day 13-Goals

Day 14-A picture you love

Day 15-Bible verse

Day 16-Dream house

Day 17-Something you’re looking forward to

Day 18-Something you regret

Day 19-Something you miss

Day 20-Nicknames

Day 21-Picture of yourself

Day 22-Favorite city

Day 23-Favorite vacation

Day 24-Something you’ve learned

Day 25-Favorite memory

Day 26-Picture of your family

Day 27-Pets

Day 28-Something that stresses you out

Day 29-3 Wishes

Day 30-a picture

So I picked this one from the many that I see on different blogs because the majority of these are no-brainers, with just a few hard-hitting topics. But all-in-all, I chose it because it looks fun. And since right now it would be easy to jump to "Day 28", I could use some fun. :)

Soo.....Let's just jump right in!

Day 1-Introduce, recent picture, 15 interesting facts

I'd guess that if you're reading this, then you already have a pretty good idea of who I am. But I'll follow directions and introduce myself anyway. I am 36 years old, am (not legally) married to my high school sweetheart, and am the proud mommy of 12 year old boy-girl twins.

That is "who" I am, at least what really makes me "me". Now some facts...not sure if they'll be interesting, but here goes:

I am currently in my second semester of college after deciding what I want to be when I grow up. It only took me 18 years after graduating high school to figure out that I want to be a librarian more than anything else. Someday, I'll have a career and not just a job!

My maternal great-grandmother was a triplet, my sisters are twins and my children are twins. My amazing sister was an egg donor 4 times and two of those resulted in twins. I'd say that multiples definitely run in my family. The most interesting thing about it is that aside from donating eggs, my sister was also a gestational surrogate and although her eggs weren't responsible that time, the result was twins yet again!

Shell is the only woman I've ever been with. I had crushes on boys and girls (although I didn't realize that's what it was with the girls at the time), but when I imagined being with Shell, it felt like the most right thing for me. I never doubted for a second that I should be with her, gender be damned! Shell used to say that I wasn't really a lesbian, I just happened to fall in love with her. I don't care what you call it, all I know is that I am right where I belong.

My kids are 12 years old and still call me mommy and call Shell mama. I smile every time they do because I know it will end, probably sooner than later and I will miss hearing it.

I hope I don't regret stating this, but I've never had a broken bone. Similarly, I've only had surgery twice. The first time was when my kids were born via Cesarean and the second was to have two wisdom teeth extracted.

I grew up on a cul-de-sac that consisted of 19 houses. For the majority of my childhood, these were inhabited by the same people throughout. There was very little change in neighbors. In about half of the homes lived families with children around my age, give or take 3 years or so. There were a lot of kids on my street and we all pretty much played together. Baseball, football, tag, bicycle races, roller skating, slip-n-slides, etc. It was the best way to be a kid in the suburbs.

I was born and raised in Southern California, but am not a "California girl". I do not and never have been a sun worshipper. My very fair skin has reminded me too many times that the sun is not my friend and will cause much pain if I'm not covered and protected properly. I don't enjoy the hot weather of summer and the beach makes me panicky. Although I don't love it when the winter gets very cold and icy, I am much better suited for the state I live in now.

We always had dogs for pets when I was growing up, but wen I was about 11, I got the first pets that were 100% mine: mice. I got a white female and a black male and named them Prince and Princess. A few litters were born before we separated the males and females and for the next couple of years I played matchmaker with my favorites and happily lived in oblivion as I would take the extra babies that I wasn't going to keep and sell them to our local pet store. I thought that I was supplying the store with future pets for others. When I realized that the vast majority were being sold as feeders, I stopped. I couldn't handle watching the babies be born and grow, knowing that their futures were short. The remaining mice stayed separated and eventually all died. Prince outlived them all by a few months. Not many of my friends understood how I could, but I loved my mice very much.

I took German for 3 years in high school, even though it would have made so much more sense to take Spanish. I LOVED it! I spoke it very well too, even went to German Camp in my 3rd year. Starting in the bus on the way there and for the next 4 days, we were only allowed to speak German. It was the first time I'd ever been to camp and the added bonus of speaking German puts it at near the top of memorable moments in my life. Unfortunately, none of my friends took German and my family didn't speak it so through lack of use, I lost it. I've retained a handful of words, but couldn't converse with someone if I tried. Makes me sad because I really loved that language.

Within the first two months of my freshman year of high school, I met a boy. I thought I had a crush on him, but I think it was simply a case of wanting him in my life in some capacity forever. He became, and still is, my best friend. It's been over 22 years and I still feel blessed to be able to call him "my Eric". When he calls, Shell announces "your boyfriend's on the phone" to me. He is just as much family to me as my sisters and I love him more than he'll ever know. I couldn't put it into words if I tried.

This one's not about me exactly, but I made him so it kind of is. My 12 year old son has 1/4" to grow and he'll be 5'7". Shell & I are both 5'8" and while I hoped that he'd be tall I didn't expect him to be so close to my height at 12! I can't imagine how tall he'll end up being. I am taller than both of my sisters by several inches and my mom is only 5'4", so my height definitely came from my dad. My girl is about 3 inches shorter than her brother, so I wonder how tall she'll get.

I hate shopping for clothes for myself. I am perfectly happy when Shell goes shopping and buys clothes for me. She has a great sense of what will look good on me and actually loves shopping, so it's a win-win for us both. Even when I do go out myself, I prefer to park myself in the dressing room while she brings me stuff to try on. Yes, I am a female who hates shopping... But take me to buy anything other than clothes and I'm in!

I am afraid of heights and yet I love traveling by plane. I feel no anxiety or fear when in the plane, not even during takeoff or landing. But when I have to climb up to change a battery in a smoke detector, my heart races and my legs shake. I've never fallen from any height that I know of, so I have no idea where this fear comes from.

*I'm almost done!* On my "list of people my wife would allow me to sleep with if given the highly unlikely opportunity" is: Janet Jackson, Halle Berry, Sarah Shahi, Christina Aguilera, Johnny Depp, Christian Slater, and Jon Bon Jovi.

*Last one!!!* One of the most interesting things about me right now is the fact that I have this blog and that there are people who read it. I may not be great at keeping it updated, but the handful of you who check in and read when I do are so interesting in your own rights, that I'm amazed that my blog interests you. Those of you who I've come to "know" through your own blogs, your comments here, and/or on Facebook are people who I'd love to sit down with in person and chat with. It's a pretty cool phenomenon, this blogging thing!

I finished it, but that was not easy. I'm looking forward to the easier ones for sure now!

Oh, last but not least, a recent picture. This one is from January. It's not the best quality and kind of grainy, but I like it anyhow.

3 Months Later...

2011-03-16T10:20:00.003-06:00

...and finally I'm writing a new post!
Does anyone really want a recap of the last 3 months? I doubt it, so I'll just start with now and fill in where necessary.

I am currently smack in the middle of my second semester of school and am struggling a bit. I've continued to work my full-time and part-time jobs and juggle 14 credits (3 online classes and 1 on-campus class), but when I realized that I wasn't completely prepared for my midterms it was a big wake-up call. Just last week, I reduced my availability at the part-time job to Sundays and Mondays only and I hope this will help a lot. Interestingly, the math class that I was so nervous about is turning out to be the class I enjoy the most and am doing the best in. Not to mention, I LOVE going to campus for it. For an added bonus, I ended up knowing one of the other students (she's a friend of Shell's bff who we've seen at parties and such), so we've done some study dates and work with each other during class. This has been a really great experience.

Shell just celebrated her 36th birthday on March 13, so she is now the same age as I am...for the next 7 weeks. I made one of her favorite dinners, chimichangas, and made a coffee cake that she was drooling over when we saw it made on a cooking show. It turned out really great and I will probably be making it again in the not-so-distant future. This weekend, I booked us a room at an ultra-modern hotel to wrap up her birthday. She has no idea so I'm trying to come up with a very creative way of revealing it besides just driving there and saying "surprise" when we pull into the parking lot.

My girl is performing in the talent show tomorrow night. She's singing "Better Than Revenge" by Taylor Swift and I'm so excited to see her on stage again. She has really grown a lot this past year, physically and mentally. She certainly looks like a pre-teen now, but I feel lucky every day that she is still my sweet girl. We haven't had any problems with her; no mood swings, no defiance, nothing. Her brother on the other hand, makes us pull our hair out at times. He can still be sweet and affectionate, but he also argues and pushes back when he disagrees with something. He's certainly testing his boundaries.

We are going to see two concerts next month, one that Shell is very excited about and one that I'm over-the-moon excited about. We are going to see George Strait, Reba McEntire, and Lee Ann Womack on the 1st and Janet Jackson on the 6th. I LOVE Janet Jackson and have followed her since before the Control album. I watched her on Good Times and Different Strokes and Fame, as well as her roles in Poetic Justice, Nutty Professor 2, and Why Did I Get Married. I've seen her in concert once before, in 1990 during the Rhythm Nation tour. Not only do I love her music and the roles she acts in, but I also have a big huge crush on her. She's right at the top of my "people my wife would give her blessing for me to sleep with" list.

That's a quick overview of the current going-ons with me. As is typical of life, there are many other things, but I wanted to get this posted before I found something else to do instead. I've got projects involving pictures that I've neglected at home, so hopefully once I get a handle on that I can get some posted here as well. I hope you are all well and if you are still checking in with me, thank you.

Hello December!

2010-12-01T12:45:00.002-07:00

December already?? I seriously am in disbelief that this year is coming to a close so quickly. I'm pretty sure that this month is going to fly by as well. The next two weeks especially. The last day of this semester is the 13th, so I have the final assignments that need to be submitted in the next week and then final exams to wrap it all up. I'm surprised that I'm almost done with my first semester. It's been harder than I imagined, but I've done it. I'm nervous about the finals, but I know that I'll do the best I can and then it'll be out of my hands. I would appreciate some positive thoughts though!

To add to that, we are moving the location of my office at work next week. We aren't moving too far and it will be a little closer to my house, so that's nice. But there is so much to be done and I can only pack so much of my stuff up ahead of time, as I access so much so often. Moving day is Tuesday and I won't have any network or phone connections that whole day, my only focus will be on the move. I'm kind of looking forward to it, but at the same time dreading what the following days will be like trying to get my normal job done while also getting the office settled in. It'll be very busy for sure!

I'm hoping that after finals are over and the move is done, things will settle down a little and I can enjoy this time off before school starts in January. We bought an artificial tree for the first time at the Black Friday sale this year, so we're thinking about putting it up this weekend and starting to decorate. The kids are ready and I think we could all use the change in scenery. We're about halfway done with our Christmas shopping, but this is mostly because we're not buying much this year. But I'd like to get some wrapped gifts under the tree so the kids can see them. The Santa issue hasn't come up at all, and I just don't know what to do about it. Other than clothes and a few small items, they are each getting one big gift and we really want them to be from us. Santa NEVER buys clothes, so that doesn't leave any other option. This might seem like a silly thing to make a big deal out of, but I just don't want to handle it in a way that they'll think back on negatively. I might take back my answer to Marcy on what has been the most challenging part of being a parent, because right now this is pretty challenging...

Happy December everyone. Here we go!

And moving on....

2010-11-29T21:57:00.002-07:00

So the end of November was a crash and burn for posting. I'm still really thrilled with how well I did though. A post every day is a challenge, include weekends and a holiday in that and those who were able to accomplish it deserve a standing ovation. November isn't over yet, and I do intend to post until the end. We'll see what December brings, but I'm thinking that the happiness I got from reading your comments will inspire me to write more.

Speaking of comments, I have just one last question left unanswered. Actually B asked two questions. She wanted to know what degree I'm studying for and asked if my kids ever get teased for having two moms.
I am in my very first semester of college ever, so right now I'm working towards an Associate of Arts, with plans to turn that into a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology. However, I don't want to be a psychologist, I want to be a librarian. Libraries have certainly evolved over the years and although I miss the silence and peaceful environments of the libraries in my past, the modern library is bright and colorful, comfy and very user-friendly. Helping people is the main focus, so although knowledge of literature and english is valuable, a degree in psychology or something else related to dealing with people is highly regarded. I can also get a master's in library sciences, but that's much further down the road.
As for my kids, they were never shy about their family when they were little. I think that their comfort with it influenced the way their peers reacted. When my daughter was in 3rd grade, she mentioned during class that her mom's couldn't get married because we were gay. A classmate said she couldn't have two moms, that she needed a mom and a dad. I found out from her teacher later that my girl stood up in front of her class and talked about how just because families are different, it doesn't make one right or better than another. I was so proud of her. She continues to be an advocate for our family, but my son is a different story. Over the last couple of years, we've discovered that he doesn't really talk about what his family looks like to many people. He said that it doesn't come up, or that he doesn't want to feel different. I can respect that and he does invite his friends over so I know that he isn't afraid for other kids to find out. I think he just doesn't want to talk about his parents to his friends. But we talk often to our kids about the perceptions of other people and especially discuss subjects that come up in current events like the bullying of kids due to their sexuality, either true or assumed. My boy doesn't really seem uncomfortable talking to us, so I really do think he's just trying to figure out how to be himself in front of other kids, and what that really means.

Thanks again everyone for the questions. It really helped keep me on track, and keep me posting. You are awesome!

A Brief Post

2010-11-25T10:43:00.003-07:00

Shell and I were at Old Navy first thing this morning to take advantage of great sales and got so much stuff for the kids. Now we're just waiting for the kids to finish getting ready and then we're heading over to my parents' house. Long story there, but had a conversation with my mom last week and we agreed to get together and see how it goes. She bought the Michael Jackson Wii game and I'm very excited to give it a try. We'll be in line for Target at 3am, so hopefully we'll get some sleep before heading over there.
I just wanted to make sure that I didn't miss wishing all my blog friends a very happy thanksgiving. However you are spending it, don't forget to remember what you are thankful for. I'm thankful to have readers that keep coming back no matter how long my hiatus's sometimes are.

Another Day

2010-11-22T13:30:00.002-07:00

I didn't want to miss a day of posting on Saturday, and then proceeded to miss yesterday. Oh well. I've actually done better than I expected this month and I knew going in that weekends were going to be the biggest challenge. But now it's Monday and I will start again.

Yesterday turned out to be a pretty nice day. I slept in until about 8:30, then got up and showered and ate breakfast with my family. Started working on my history paper (the US embargo against Cuba. Fun stuff!), then realized that I needed some more sources. With the library closed, I was going to have to head to the bookstore and do what I could there. We were going to need to make a grocery store run anyway, so Shell offered to come along and help me with my research and we'd stop at the store on the way home. And those 2 hours crowded into a small table at the bookstore will now be added to the list of most memorable moments in our relationship. First, it was just the two of us. Second, we were focused on a subject that didn't involve us, the kids, money, or Christmas. Third, we were working together and offering ideas and pointing things out (about THE US EMBARGO AGAINST CUBA!) to each other. It was intellectual conversation, which we very rarely have anymore, and at one point we were both taking notes and she looked up and said "It kind of turns me on to be helping you with your homework." I was happy to have her help and she was happy to be able to help. Once we got home from the store she made dinner while I worked on my paper. And about 5 hours later it was complete and I was climbing happily into bed.

Oh, and my son spent the whole weekend watching the first 3 seasons of Punky Brewster on DVD and we sang the theme song from different rooms in the house so many times. I love that show and I love that my boy loves it too.

Excuses, Excuses

2010-11-20T23:14:00.002-07:00

I don't want to miss another day, but today is quickly coming to a close. I wrote a paper for my psychology class this morning, worked 8 hours at Pets*Mart, came home and ate some ramen noodles and now I'm taking my history book to bed and will read until my eyes are too heavy to focus. I have a research paper to write for my history class tomorrow, and thankfully I don't have to work. So I'll be sleeping in and maybe will even stay in my pajamas while doing my schoolwork. When I need a break from writing, I'll get a real blog post written.
Good night all.

A Question of Race

2010-11-17T23:40:00.000-07:00

Julie asked me about our choice to not use an black donor, specifically because that is Shell's race.
First, hi Julie! Thanks for commenting and for reading!
Anyway, this subject comes up every couple of years. When we were first deciding which donor profiles to look at, I had every intention of choosing a black donor. I wanted our children to be a mix of us both, even if they really wouldn't be. I figured that it would be hard enough having two moms, I didn't want the extra scrutiny over how Shell could be their parent if they were white. However, we never looked into even one black donor. And that was Shell's choice.
My wife is mixed. Her mom is white and her dad is black. She grew up in the same city I did in an area that was VERY much majority white, at least when we were younger. She had a lot of friends and other than some comments by ignorant kids, she didn't experience any racial issues from her peers directly. However, she was constantly aware that there were no other kids like her. In fact, she was the only black student in her elementary school until she was in 5th grade. And only half of her family had the same color skin as her. Plus, her mom's grandfather disowned her mother when she married Shell's dad, because he was black. Shell never once, in all her life, met her grandfather. She wasn't even allowed at his house for holidays. Now the rest of her mom's family loved her and came over to their house and she was allowed in theirs, but never if her grandfather would be there. She says that she didn't care to spend time with that racist bastard anyway, but that is now. When she was little and her cousins would mention going to their grandparents' house for Christmas, she knew why she hadn't gone.
There was no talking her out of her objection to choosing a black donor. She didn't want her kids to ever feel any racial inequality, at least not if she could help it. She insisted that we choose a white donor. She felt it so strongly, and I respected her reasons. She has never wavered on that choice and although I still wish that we had decided different for many reasons, I am also aware that in doing so, I wouldn't have the kids that I have and neither of us would trade them for the world.

Registered for Spring

2010-11-16T22:57:00.003-07:00

I am officially registered for Spring classes. It's going to be a lot once again, but even though this semester has been hard, I've done it and am pretty confident that I can do it again. I'll be tired, sure. I'll miss my family, sure. But I'll have even more classes completed towards my degree and I will have the summer off to recoup before Fall classes begin again. I found it very strange that financial aid won't pay for summer classes. I probably would have taken one or two otherwise. But it's probably good that I'm forced into that break. Especially since I'll be getting into the harder (for me) math classes in the Fall, so the time off will be a good thing.

The classes I'm taking in the Spring are:
Colorado History
Fundamentals of Mathematics/ Pre-Algebra (this is a hybrid class encompassing both in one semester)
American Government
Human Sexuality

I'm still pretty amazed that I'm even in college after all this time and the idea that I'm planning for my second semester is a bit surreal. I wonder if this feeling will continue until graduation?

2 (Polar Opposite) Peas in a Pod

2010-11-15T21:28:00.002-07:00

It's actually pretty fantastic that you all have asked such great questions, as I have nothing noteworthy to write about so I have NO idea what I would have written about! :)
Actually, the big thing going on right now is the decision of what and how many classes I should take next semester. Registration starts tomorrow and classes start January 18. There are only 4 weeks left in this semester, and one of those is Thanksgiving break. I'm almost at the end!

Back to questions: Steph asked how my kids are alike and different or how they are like or unlike me. My kids are VERY different! For two kids who have spent their whole lives together, it's amazing how different they are. I say my son is "all boy" and that is true. He is rough and tumble, likes getting dirty, eats all. the. time, prefers his playtime to be about crashing objects together or making noise somehow, talks a mile a minute, dislikes showering and brushing his teeth, and thrives when he is busy. However, he is also snuggly and gives hugs all the time, still asks to be tucked into bed at night with a hug, climbs on my lap, likes helping us cook, and smiles and laughs constantly.

My daughter on the other hand is soft-spoken, calm, gentle, and kind. She prefers sprawling out on her bed with a book to, well, just about anything. She almost never needs to be reminded to brush her teeth or take a shower, and never needs to argue about it. She is sensitive and is genuinely concerned about animal care and safety. She isn't as cuddly, but she likes time when we are both sitting on her bed and we just talk. I never run out of topics with her.

I am told that my daughter is just like I was at her age, which is a little frightening considering how rough I made my teenage years. And my boy is so very much like Shell. In their temperaments and tempers, their actions and reactions. It's amazing how alike they are. This is great and not so great, as sometimes they are like oil and water. The similar ways in which they handle conflict definitely makes for some tnse evenings. But their big tempers counteract the big way they love. It can feel a little demanding at times, but it's always interesting.

More Kids?

2010-11-14T23:35:00.003-07:00

Dani asked if we ever thought of having more kids. The answer to this is yes and no. When we first discussed having kids, and even up to the birth of our twins, we were set on having 3 kids. I was a big supporter of this idea after our kids were born, specifically because I really wanted to experience giving birth vaginally, since mine were born via c-section. We didn't really discuss it after they were born, until we received the paperwork from our cryobank discussing the continuation of storing our remaining 3 vials. The babies were only about 10 months old at that time and we had no plans to try again very soon, plus the cost was a lot more than we could afford at that time. It was a very hard decision to make, but we ultimately decided to let them go.
When our kids were about 4 or 5, talks began again about whether we should try for that 3rd child. We were very worried about the chances of finding ourselves pregnant with more than one again, and 4 (or more!) children was not something we desired. And with the kids getting ready to start school, there was the added expense of school uniforms and supplies that kept the financial side of the equation very much at the forefront of the discussion.
The next, and last, time it seriously came up was about 2 or 3 years ago. Shell brought it up and seemed to really want to revisit the idea. She had a lot of guilt and regret about the first year of their lives while she worked 2 jobs and was either at work or sleeping most of the time. She felt that she missed out on a lot and thought if we had another that she could participate in that stuff. I was the roadblock this time. Our kids were now about 10 years old, and we had already bought this house, with only 3 bedrooms. And the kids' rooms are very small. We certainly couldn't afford to buy a bigger house, and I felt very strongly agains making one of our kids share a room with a new brother or sister. And I couldn't help but think that our kids would be graduating high school in 7 or 8 years and then we could focus on us. I didn't really want to start over again. We discussed it for about 6 or 7 months with each of us arguing our feelings on the matter. Obviously, I won. Within the last year, Shell has mentioned a few times that she's glad I didn't let her have her way as the way the economy has turned, we would be struggling even more with another person to feed and care for.
So yes, we've thought about it and discussed it over the years, but in the end our two are perfect for us. Three may have happened if we had started with one, but two at once definitely changed our perspective.

Saturday Evening Post

2010-11-13T18:24:00.002-07:00

Today's post is brought to you by:

I worked all day today.
I came home and then left almost immediately to go track down Toy Story 3 at a Red Box that I could use our free code at.
Came home again and sat in front of the computer for 3 hours to whip out my history assignment.
It's now 6:30 and we're going to make dinner so that we can all snuggle up together and watch Toy Story 3 before midnight.

Happy Saturday!

Date Nights

2010-11-12T13:49:00.005-07:00

Wow, thanks for the questions everyone! I did, however get a question that I don't necessarily mind answering, but I would prefer to know who asked it. It was asked from Anonymous, so if this was you please let me know and I'll answer.

Moving on... Heidi asked "what is the very best date night the two of you have had".
This really made me think and then feel a little sad, because there are not really all that many "date nights" in our time together. There are very few people we've ever left our kids with and when we do impose on them it's usually just to have dinner and/or see a movie. Or we go to the gay bar downtown and have drinks and just chill until the bar closes and we go home. They are good times and it's always nice to have uninterrupted time to focus on each other, but often we'd rather save the money and just stay home and watch movies together. That said, there has been one evening that stands out.

Most likely due to the fact that we don't take much time out for us, my amazing wife planned a night out for us as a complete surprise to me. A year or so ago, I arrived home on a Friday to find that Shell's car wasn't in the garage and no one was home. This was very out of the ordinary, so I checked on the kitchen table where notes often are left. I found one there that said "Go upstairs". At first I thought that she got someone to watch the kids and she'd be up there looking sexy and waiting for me... Until I remembered that her car was gone so she couldn't be there. When I got upstairs, there was a bag on the bed with another note on top that said "Put this on. You will receive a text at 6:00 with further instructions." In the bag was a pair of panties, black sandals, a black bra, and a tunic type dress. I had about 10 minutes until 6, so I changed into the outfit. The dress was VERY short and quite low cut, but it made me feel kind of sexy wearing it. I tried not to think too much about the sandals as I wasn't too sure about leaving the house in that outfit. At 6:00 her best friend called. My wife is a horrible texter and realized after the fact that what needed to be relayed would be too much and enlisted Dana to help. The first thing I said to her was "I don't have to leave the house right?" to which she told me she couldn't answer any questions or say more than she was told to. In a dresser drawer were directions to where I was supposed to go next and if I needed any help finding it (she wouldn't tell me what "it" was) she could help me with directions only, but regardless I was supposed to text Shell when I got there. I asked her if she had my kids and she said that my parents had them. I told that I was wearing a completely inappropriate dress and she asked me if I wanted her to tell Shell I wasn't going. No, I said, I'll figure it out somehow.
Not being familiar with the area I was directed to go, I just got in the car and drove. There was now a part of me hoping that I wouldn't have to get out of the car once there, but it was fading. The directions took me to a super cute new hotel which was a very exciting prospect and I sent the "I'm here, now what?" text to my wife. The only response was a room number. I panicked then, not confident enough to walk through the parking lot and into the hotel in such a revealing outfit. I sat in the car for probably 5 minutes trying to get up the courage to go in. In the meantime, Dana had called her and told her that I had mentioned being nervous about the dress, so Dana called me just as I was about to call it off and said that there was a back entrance I could use. So I sucked it up and walked to the door she directed me to, only to find it locked. My heart sank. I called Dana back and told her it was locked and she said she would call Shell to come open it for me.
I know this sounds childish, but even getting out of the car took a leap of faith I'd never known I had before. That dress was very sexy, but I felt that it didn't belong on a person of my size without some jeans or at least leggings underneath. I had nothing but a bra and panties on under it and felt very self-conscious.
So, I'm still standing at the back door when my phone rings. As soon as I saw it was Shell's cell I breathed in and for whatever reason looked up. And 3 floors up, I could see her standing there looking at me through the window. She was smiling and she looked HOT! Jeans, button-up dress shirt & tie.. My heart started beating faster and I knew I could do it. I answered and I said "I'm on my way". She asked if I was okay and I said as long as you stay there I will be. I kept my eye on her until I got to the main entrance and walked in. I didn't make eye contact with anyone and speed walked to the elevator which was empty. Of course, just before the doors closed a woman got in with me. She stood right inside the doors and got out at the next floor without saying a word. When the doors opened on the 3rd floor, Shell was there and the look on her face made me see that I'd made the right choice.
We did go to dinner later and she had brought a more comfortable change of clothes for me to wear to the restaurant. There was an incredible view out the windows of our room which had a very cool design. There was a huge shower with 2 showerheads and a very comfortable king sized bed. I won't share the details of what happened the rest of the night or the next morning, but the whole experience was incredible and memorable from the moment I got home and found the first note to the moment we picked up our kids from my parents. I'm not sure how I'll ever top it.

Road to Motherhood

2010-11-11T16:18:00.002-07:00

Ok, answering questions is kind of fun!

Stacy asked: What's your road to motherhood story? I have to admit, I looked back at my pregnancy journal for some of this.

We were really lucky. We made the decision to try in April '97, but had no idea where to start. I called customer service for Kaiser (my insurance) and they didn't know either, but suggested we start with an appointment at an OB/GYN. We saw that Dr. on 4/30 and he referred us to the Reproductive Endocrinology department. We had to wait until 6/11 for our appointment with them. Our consultation was awesome and we had blood drawn at that time with the instruction to pick a donor so when my next period started we'd be ready to go. Unfortunately, the blood tests revealed that I had no Rubella antibodies and would need to get the vaccination before moving forward. And then we would have to wait 3 months after the vaccination before inseminating.
The good part was that during those 3 months, we went through all the motions. I took Clomid and had all the blood drawn to track everything so we were in a great position to start for real. On 10/19 I had my first IUI and got my period 2 days before the test date. We did our second IUI on 11/18. Two weeks and one day later (12/3), I was too afraid to call for the test. I was SURE that I would get my blood drawn and my period would come. The next day came with no blood, so I called. Did the blood draw, went home and waited. Then I got the call that I was pregnant. It took two tries. We were very lucky. I didn't realize how lucky however until I started following all these blogs a few years ago. And now, lucky just doesn't cover it good enough.
I had my first ultrasound on 12/17 and that's when we found out that there were two babies on the way. The day before that ultrasound the morning (all day) sickness started and it didn't stop until about my 14th week. I ended up losing about 15 pounds during that time and then everything settled down. At about 7 months, my OB noticed that I was having contractions during a routine appointment, so she sent me to the hospital. They got the contractions under control with terbutaline, which I was sent home with to take regularly. I was already scheduled for a c-section 12 days before my due date because Baby A (my son) was breech and Baby B (my daughter) was laying transverse above him and they weren't moving. When they examined me before my surgery, I wasn't dilated at all. The terbutaline must have done the job, because those babies had no intention of leaving any time soon. My son was born first and weighed 5lbs 14oz with his sister following 2 minutes later at 6lbs 3oz.

Alphabet Meme

2010-11-10T23:00:00.001-07:00

I saw this quite a long time ago on someone's blog and put it aside for a rainy day. Well, it's starting to snow and is supposed to continue for some time. Sounds like a good time to me!

A.

Age: 36

Annoyance: blissful ignorance

Allergic: maybe. windy days do a number on my sinuses

Animal: I love dogs

Actor: Johnny Depp/ Halle Berry

B

Beer: gross. I've NEVER tasted a beer that I enjoyed.

Best Friend: Eric. It's been 21 years that we've been friends. That's a lot of life we've been through with each other!

Best feeling in the world: snuggling with my wife and kids watching a movie

Best weather: the turning of the season just as the summer temps start to come down but before fall's cold nights start. Highs in the 80's are perfect

Been in love? fiercely

Been bitched out? oh yeah

Been on stage? yep. Choir concerts, talent show, singing solo.

Believe in life on other planets? I do believe there is "life" on other planets. I'm not so sure about that life manifesting in the form of aliens.

Believe in miracles? no

Believe in magic? somewhat

Believe in God? no

Believe in Satan? no

Believe in ghosts? yes

C

Car: I have an '04 Nissan Sentra.

Candy: sometimes, but it must be chocolate or I'm probably not very interested

Color: many shades of green

Cried in school? I don't remember

Chinese or Mexican food? Seriously, these are my two favorite types of food. I can't pick just one. I'd totally eat egg rolls and tacos in the same meal if I could...

Cake or pie? pie. the only kinds of cake I like are ice cream cakes and boston cream pie, which is technically cake.

Countries to visit: I'd love to see Australia for me, and I'd love to take Shell to France.

D

Day or night? Hmm, I'm more awake and productive during the day, but I do enjoy nighttime activities...

Dream vehicle: I don't dream about vehicles.

Dance in the rain? I would, but I don't think I have.

Dance in the middle of the street? I'm sure I haven't done this.

E

Eggs? Oh yes, I like eggs in many forms, but NEVER raw!

Eyes: I'm a fan of eyes. If the question is the color of eyes, I don't have a preference.

Everyone has a past.

Ever failed a class? yes, second semester of Algebra II. I was so lost.

F

First crush: my neighbor

First thought waking up: should I hit snooze?

Food: I'm quite the fan.

G

Greatest fear: outliving my kids

Gum: sugarless

Get along with parents? usually, but not on speaking terms currently with my mom

Good luck charms: I don't believe in them

H

Hair color: natural is brown, but it's colored with blonde and light brown righ now

Height: 5'7 1/2"

Happy? mostly

Holidays? I like my birthday

Health freak? sometimes I wish I was because I am far from it in reality

I

Ice cream: Oh god yes! I LOVE ice cream. Mocha Almond Fudge is my favorite!

Instrument: Can't play any

J

Jewelry: I wear the ring on my left hand ring finger every day. Occasionally I'll wear a necklace.

Job: My job title might be receptionist, but I do many jobs at my full-time job. And I work part-time at P*tsM*rt

K

Kids: 12 year old boy/girl twins

Keep a journal? This blog is the closest I come to one

L

Longest car ride? California to Colorado and I've done it many times now. 14-17 hours. Piece of cake.

Love: I give and receive it every day. Wouldn't trade that for the world.

Laughed so hard you cried: So many times, particularly when my best friends and/or sisters are involved

Love at first sight? I've never felt it, but I am told it's what happened when Shell first saw me.

M

Milk flavor: chocolate

Movie: Moulin Rouge

Mooned anyone? no

Marriage? someday...

Motion sickness? thankfully, no

N

Number of siblings: I have twin sisters who are 3 1/2 years younger than me

Number of piercings: 2 in each ear

Number: don't have one

O

Overused phrases: right?

One wish: no more credit card debt

One phobia: heights

P

Place you'd like to live: Northern California

Pepsi or coke? pepsi

Q

Quail? cute bird, wouldn't eat it

R

Reason to cry: teen suicides due to bullying

Reality tv? not if I can help it

Radio station: The Mountain (Classic Rock)

Roll your tongue in a circle? I can

S

Song? Come What May

Sushi? haven't had it

Skipped school? I didn't do this very often, as school was where my friends were at and where I'd prefer to be.

Slept outside? I have, mainly in a tent

Seen a dead body? yes

Skinny dipped? yes

Shower daily? not always

Sing well? I used to be better when I practiced. I'm okay now.

Sing in the shower? never

Swear? I do, but not a lot

Strawberries or blueberries? strawberries

Scientists need to invent a cure for cancer

T

Time for bed: I used to be in bed by 11. Now it's usally between midnight and one.

Thunderstorms? LOVE LOVE LOVE THEM!

U

Unpredictable? depends on who you ask

Under the influence: very very rarely, and then only due to alcohol

V

Vegetable you hate: beets

Vegetable you love: asparagus

Vacation spot: I'd love to go to Hawaii

W

Weakness: food

Which one of your friends acts the most like you? no one that I can think of

Who makes you laugh the most? My boy

Worst feeling: that I'm not a good mom

Wanted to be a model? I've wanted to be what it takes to be a model, but no real modeling desire

Where do we go when we die? my body will be cremated and the disposition of the ashes will be up to my children. End of story.

Worst weather: really windy or very hot

Walk with a book on your head? I used to be able to.

X

X-rays? Just dental xrays and ultrasounds while pregnant

Y

Yellow: my daughter's favorite color. She is very yellow as well.

Z

Zoo animals: My favorite are the Przewalski's horses

Zodiac sign? I'm a Taurus

Opposites Attract!

2010-11-09T11:08:00.004-07:00

Soooooo......only one question so far. I hope there will be others!

B asked: How are you and Shell alike and different?

Shell and I have many more differences than similarities actually. It's kind of a wonder how we're still together because of the vast imbalance, but I think that is a testament to the biggest similarity of all...the way we love each other. This may sound cheesy and over the top, so be prepared. Even back when we were just friends and not yet a couple, we were together whenever possible. And we were affectionate. LOTS of hugging and leaning on each other, if we were standing together she'd throw her arm around me and keep it there. All of that continued once we were official, and other than holding hands it probably didn't look much different to our friends. When we were alone however, we couldn't get close enough. And that has pretty much stayed the same. When we're watching TV or a movie, I sit back and she lays on my chest. When we go to bed, I spoon her. We tell each other "I love you" before we end EVERY phone call with each other (unless we're arguing about something). We miss each other when we're apart. Now, this all could partly be a result of her working graveyard shifts for the last 12 years, so we only go to bed with each other two nights a week, but I think it's also just how we are. And I believe that the fierce and passionate way that we love each other is how we have dealt with the many adversities and problems that we have over the years. And how we deal with:

she LOVES trashy television, soap operas, and reality shows. The Real Housewives of (wherever), Keeping up with the Kardashians, Fashion Police, The Dish, any after-awards show fashion recaps, etc... Our DVR is full of them and I can't stand them.
she LOVES country music and I can tolerate the more mainstream artists like Taylor Swift, Lady Antebellum, Sugarland. We agree on many pop artists, but she is not at all a fan of classic rock which I love like The Beatles, Rolling Stones, Fleetwood Mac, Elton John, etc.
our approach to arguments are polar opposite. She want to deal with the conflict, get it out however necessary even if it means we're yelling to do so. I prefer to avoid conflicts, even if that means it doesn't get resolved. This is probably our hardest difference to deal with.
she LOVES to shop, especially for clothes. I very much do not.
she could eat pizza every day and be happy. I don't mind pizza, but she only likes 3 toppings. Ever. Pepperoni, sausage, black olives. That's it. I like lots of different things. We never share a pizza for this exact reason.
she is always cold, I am usually hot. During the winter, her side of the bed has 2-3 blankets plus the sheet, mine has the sheet and 1 blanket.
She doesn't like chocolate. Need I say more??

Seriously, I could go on for a while. It really is a wonder how we stay together, but we do. That's how we know that with all our differences and the hard stuff we've had to deal with, we are meant to be together.

Thanks for the question. Now who's next??

Taking Questions...

2010-11-08T11:49:00.002-07:00

Luckily at 8 days in I'm not completely out of ideas for posts, but as it could happen any day I thought I'd be prepared. I found a great resource for random things to post about and will use some of them I'm sure. But for now, I thought I'd reach out to you who read this blog (and whom I'm amazed every day keep coming back for more). So, what would you like to know about me? I'm open to sharing pretty much anything, other than my address, phone number and my kids names. Ask away!

Hamlet

2010-11-07T20:55:00.002-07:00

Ugh! We've been reading and discussing Hamlet in my Literature class and so far it's been very enjoyable. Mostly this is because Shell LOVES Hamlet, so she has been working with me on it. Right now, we are focusing on how the play would be staged and by what types of actors. I am not enjoying this. I'll be working on this all night I fear.
Good night blog readers. Tomorrow is another day... :)

Weekends too!

2010-11-06T15:57:00.012-06:00

It's going to be hard to post on the weekends and they might be pretty brief posts, but I'll do my best.
Spent the day with my dad at Pearl Street in Boulder. We try to go every year, but usually succeed in going every other. It's "our thing", nobody else ever goes. So we went and walked around, had lunch and unexpectedly found an exhibit going on of John Lennon's artwork and handwritten song lyrics. Plus the weather was perfect, around 75 degrees and there were crunchy leaves on the ground along with plenty of rust red and deep yellow ones still in the trees. I LOVE Fall!

The Boulder Theater

Pearl Street

Street performers on the mall

The traveling exhibit we went to

You couldn't take photos inside, but you could see these from the door. I didn't take it inside...

One of my favorite sculptures along the mall

Tree still holding onto its changed leaves

A lovely piece of art in front of a house on the walk back to the car

Missed One Already!

2010-11-05T08:04:00.016-06:00

It is not a good sign that I missed a post already, and it's only the 5th of the month. :(

But it is what it is. I only promised to do my best and this is it. To apologize for my blunder, I'll post some pictures because I haven't in a while.

My dad and I have seen a Beatles tribute band play at Red Rocks for the last 4 years. My boy has come along for the last 3. We love going, not only for the great music and the fun show, but for the atmosphere as well. The scenery is amazing and the people in the audience are either hilariously entertaining or completely down to earth and lovely. The band is 1964 The Tribute and when it was time to buy tickets for this year's show, we just couldn't afford it. Luckily, a friend and coworker got some free tickets from his wife's work and gave me 3. As usual it was a great time, possibly more so since it was free!

In line before the gates opened at Red Rocks Ampitheater.

My boy with the rock behind him.

Getting closer! Even having to stand in line isn't so bad with these views.

You can see the ampitheater on the right.

The stage built into the rock. We had great seats this year!

The seats filling up. It is a general admission show and is sold out every year.

1964 The Tribute

The three of us at the concerts in 2008, 2009, 2010. My baby doesn't look like much of a baby anymore! :(

Seriously, if they are playing near you and you enjoy Beatles music, go see them. They are great!

The Question of Santa

2010-11-03T15:10:00.002-06:00

Christmas is 52 days away. Yes I know this because my wife is already figuring out how many paychecks we have until then and trying to figure out how the hell we are going to afford it this year. My point being...Christmas is already being discussed in my house. We actually already had the kids make wish lists so we'd have an idea what is possible and what is absolutely not. Their lists were smart too. My girl actually wrote at the bottom of her list, "Not Likely" and followed it with items such as a cell phone, an iPad, and a laptop. She was close, although they actually fall under the category "Not A Chance".
When my boy started to think about what he wanted to put on his list, he asked me if he should write a separate list for Santa which is what we have had them do in previous years. That is for the larger, more expensive items. I told him to just write everything on the same one, or follow his sister's lead and add them to the bottom. This poses a dilemma that I have been dreading since we wrapped up last Christmas.
Santa Claus... A little background...
I believed in Santa with no question until I was about 12 or 13. My friends would tell me that they didn't believe or that their parents told them he wasn't real, but I held onto my belief. This was mostly because throughout the year, I knew that my parents struggled to make ends meet. I was the oldest of three and my best friend growing up was practically an only child as her sister was quite a bit older than her, and she was pretty spoiled. Whenever I brought up something that she had or that I wanted, I often heard "her parents don't have 3 kids, that's why they can afford it". However, on Christmas morning we would find gifts under the tree from Santa that I didn't think we could have afforded. This perpetuated my belief. Also, many times I heard that once you stopped believing, he would stop coming. So to ensure that didn't happen, I wasn't pressing my luck.
So one day my sisters and I were sitting in the car with our dad and my youngest sister asks him if Santa was real. She was about 8 or 9, I was 12 or 13. I can still remember wishing that my dad wouldn't answer her, because at that moment I knew. And he told us that Santa wasn't real, that it was them all along. I was so sad to hear that. Luckily, the Christmas presents continued and they still put "From Santa" on the tags, which I secretly loved.
Shell however, had a different experience. She found out when she was about 9 and was very hurt and angry that her parents had lied to her about Santa. When we first had the kids, she was against having Santa presents because she didn't want to lie to them and have them be hurt like she was. Fortunately, I won that battle but for the last 3 years she has really wanted to end the Santa charade. This also come from having less money to spend on gifts than we did when they were younger and having to pull off a big Santa gift along with gifts from us has been a challenge. I asked her to let the kids decide when to end it, that they'd let us know when they didn't buy it anymore. She didn't like it, but she agreed not to rain on their (and my) parade by telling them the truth before they were ready.
Prior to last Christmas, I heard rumblings between the two of them over the reality of Santa. I even heard my daughter tell my niece (who knows Santa is not real) that she heard if you stop believing than he stops coming and she didn't want to risk it. My niece was awesome and didn't spill the beans. So Santa brought them iPod's and they seemed thrilled and surprised, making me thankful we pulled it off yet again and a little sad figuring that it probably would be the last Santa year.
Which brings me to now, and my son asking about making a list for Santa. My kids are 12 now, and although this is about the age I was when I learned the truth I wonder if they really do still believe in the myth. I wonder if we should tell them the truth so they'll understand when they get less gifts this year. Will it make them sad to know the truth? Will it make them feel lied to? Will it take away the magic of Christmas?
To tell or not to tell...that is the question.

TV Shows

2010-11-02T15:57:00.002-06:00

Working two jobs and taking 4 online classes is taking a serious toll on my television watching. I didn't really watch a lot of TV before, and when this fall season started and knowing that I'd have less time, I decided not to pick up any new shows this season. Just stick to the ones I already loved. The ONLY shows I planned to watch this season were Modern Family, How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory, The Good Wife, and Bones (And when I say "watch" I do mean record and watch at my earliest convenience). Although I really enjoyed Life Unexpected last season, I decided not to try to keep up with season and maybe catch up on it over the summer online. The only new show that I was partly interested in was Mike and Molly which I hear is very cute, but again, I could catch it come summer. Now, if you know me you'll see that there is something very obvious missing from my list of must-watch shows. Glee. The thing about Glee is, when it started last season, we missed the first couple of episodes and we are kind of weird about starting a show from the beginning. So, we chose to not watch and wait until the DVD came out to buy and catch up so we could watch this season. Which brings me to my current rant...
I have the first season of Glee and have watched the pilot episode. This season is being recorded in my DVR every week. I won't watch this season without finishing last season and I have no idea when that will occur.
I've watched the first 3 Modern Family of this season.
I'm only behind 2 episodes of How I Met Your Mother.
I've seen the first episode of this season's Big Bang Theory.
I've watched the first 2 episodes of this season's Good Wife.
I am completely caught up on Bones, but this is in large part due to the fact that Shell watches it too and it comes first in priority when we have time to watch something together.

6 shows and I'm only keeping up on 1. Oh and I've been recording this season's Oprah since it's the last one and I figured she'd have some pretty good shows. I haven't seen one, yet they've recorded every day. It's insane. I think I might be able to catch up during the month between the end of this semester and the start of the next, although Christmas is thrown in there too, so who knows.
I've heard my shows are pretty good this season, hopefully I'll be able to find out for myself before long.
2 days of November, 2 days of blogging. :)

...3 months later...

2010-11-01T16:20:00.003-06:00

There is just no way I can wrap up the last 3 months happenings all at once. It's an endless cycle, this not staying up to date on my blog. Things happen and I think I should blog, then I don't and more things happen and I think, okay if I blog now I need to catch up on what I missed, and then 3 months goes by and there is SO MUCH! So, a quick wrap up and then maybe I can finish out 2010 with regular posting.

I got into a heated discussion with my mom the last week of July and haven't spoken to her since. It's very weird, but I'm standing my ground. I have talked to my dad, who just mentions my mom to me. I think that he's not sure how to handle this and he's doing his best. It's weird for him too, I'm sure.
My babies turned 12 on July 30 and started the 7th grade about 2 weeks later. They're doing great. Got their first quarter report cards last week and my girl has straight A's and my boy has all A's and one B+...in Art.
I am still working at Pet*Mart part-time along with my full-time job. It's helping us and I'm hoping that once tax refund time comes around I can cut back on my hours. It's hard and I hate being away from home so much, but Shell and the kids are picking up the slack pretty well and that has helped in a HUGE way.
I started school the middle of August, taking 4 online classes to equal 12 credits. I have about 5 weeks left and my first semester will be over! I'm doing good and keeping my grades up. It's hard to manage time to get assignments done when I'm gone at work so much and there have been many times when I submit something just a couple of minutes before it's due, but I haven't missed any and I'm very proud of that fact. It's time to figure out what I'm taking in the Spring (registration is in two weeks and classes start in January). I can't decide if I should take another 4 classes since I'm making it now with 4, or if I should go to 3 and make it a little easier. There are obvious pros and cons with each, so it's an ongoing debate.
My best friend and his boyfriend came to stay with us for a long weekend just before I started school and we enjoyed having them SO MUCH! We visited and were lazy and ate and drank and played games. We miss them and hopefully we'll get to see them again soon.
I realize that November is NaBloPoMo and that today is the 1st. Do I think I can realistically post every day this month? No. Do I want to try? Yes. I will try and will do my best to post as often as I can. Hopefully my readers from long ago will forgive my trespasses and bear with me.

I think that's enough catching up for now. I have tons of pictures from our fun this summer and hope to get some of those posted. Maybe I can use that for when I can't come up with something to write about....

Whoever's still out there, thanks for sticking with me. Hopefully you'll have reason to come back again soon!

Almost the End

2010-07-23T13:45:00.003-06:00

...of summer that is. I'm amazed that it's today already, which pretty much marks the beginning of the last month of summer. June was a nice month, pretty relaxing for the most part. Every morning when I left for work I'd leave a short list of one or two chores for each of the kids to do, and every day when I got home they were done. It was great and I think they actually kind of liked having something to check off as done. Nothing was too overwhelming. I never wrote "clean your room", but instead would write "clean off your dresser and dust it" on one day and "clean out under your bed" on another. Things that wouldn't really take that much time, but would get stuff done.
During that month, we found ourselves up against a wall, of sorts. We've been living paycheck to paycheck and JUST BARELY making it every month for too long and in June we had to use the direct deposit advance feature at our bank to pay some bills. This was a wake-up call that we couldn't keep living like that. And although we'd talked about one of us getting a second job before, we hadn't followed through on it. So as much as I didn't want to, I put on my big girl pants and applied to a couple of places that I thought I wouldn't hate having to work part-time at. Three days after applying online at big-box pet store, I got called for an interview. Two days later I received a call offering me the job. I've been working there for 2 weeks now, and I really like it. I get to talk to people about their pets and when they bring them into the store, I get to pet and give treats to them. So far, I've worked two evenings a week plus both weekend days on both of the weeks I've worked. Next week I'm working 3 weekend nights plus the weekend days, for a total of about 25 hours. I'm very grateful for the hours I'm getting, but I am tired on the days I work 9 hours during the day and then another 4 in the evening. But I do like it, which makes a world of difference.
Since my nieces got here at the beginning of July, there has been a lot of drama. Things have been tense between Shell & I, mostly because the younger of the 2 girls is pretty much the same age as my kids and so she has spent the vast majority of her visit at our house. The addition of another kid in the house coupled with the extra mouth to feed has not been easy. My sister (not the mom of these nieces), drove from Missouri with my niece last weekend for the week. My nephew (her son) flew in a few days before her and is staying through the 10th of August. These 6 kids haven't all been together in 2 years and want to spend lots of time together. But there's a catch. Everyone is "officially" staying at my parents house (which is less than 5 minutes from my house by car), but my mom shows preference for my oldest niece which all the kids can feel. So if CaNiece1 is there, everyone else wants to be at my house so they don't have to deal with it. So now there's a 15 year old boy in my house along with my 12 year old niece and my 2 kids. My sister is tired of the BS from our mom and wants to spend time with me and her nieces and nephew, so she comes over with her daughter. Who is 3 and naturally acts like it. There have been confrontations and blowups, and I'm not referring to the kids. There is still 1 1/2 weeks before my nieces go home and 2 1/2 weeks before my nephew goes home, yet I think that if they all went home tomorrow, nobody would feel incredibly heartbroken. We'd miss them and be sad because we love them all and don't see them often enough, but it's been a rough month and I think we'd all be relieved to get back to our normals.
There's so much more...but I'll get to that soon enough. I need to end this post on a lighter note, sooo....
Today is my best friend Eric's birthday. I get to see him in 3 weeks. I couldn't be more thrilled, well except if I had more money for while he's here but at least I'm not working at either job for the 4 days of his visit. Yahooo! I can't wait! :)

Time is Flying By!

2010-06-04T14:04:00.002-06:00

I just can't believe that it's already June. This year is going by so fast, it's crazy! This has been a hard year so far, and I really hope that the second half goes a little smoother. But I'm having a hard time believing that it will.

The kids wrapped up their first year in middle school on May 27 and we're eagerly anticipating the year-end report cards. They should be here any day. 6th Grade was the first time that they really had to work for their good grades, but they learned a lot that will help them through the rest of middle school and through high school. But for now, they are enjoying their summer vacation. They are loving being able to sleep in and hang out in comfy clothes and eat and drink whenever they want. And being that Shell sleeps during the day, they pretty much decide between the two of them how they are going to spend their days. Which is starting to mean WAY too much computer, video game & TV time. But we're not comfortable with them playing outside while she's sleeping. So what else are they to do? My girl reads a lot, but she likes playing on the computer and when her brother gets a lot of time, she wants a fair amount. We're giving them more responsibilities this summer than they've ever had before, but it still leaves a lot of down time. Maybe I shouldn't worry about it and just let them spend their days in whatever ways make them happy, as long as their chores are getting done. Right now, it's a consideration.

The good news is that June should be the hardest month for figuring out how the kids days should be spent. On July 3, my nieces will get here and will stay until August 3. Since we live so close to my parents, they will spend their time between both houses and hopefully it'll be a great time for everyone. Ten days after the girls go home, my best friend and his boyfriend will fly in. They'll be here Friday through Tuesday and the day before they go home, my kids start school. And then I start school the following week! I can't wait for them to come. It's been almost 2 years since Eric was here and it'll be Jake's first time, not just to our house but his first time in Colorado. I'm hoping we can do a little sightseeing while he's here. If I had my choice, I wouldn't have them come in August as it's SO HOT, but I'll take a visit whenever I can. Hopefully they'll come back during a different season next time so we can show them how beautiful it is. They've been together for about a year and a half now and I'm so happy that they found each other. And we get the benefit of having Jake in our lives now too. I'm very much looking forward to spending more time with him, and getting my Eric fix at the same time.

Let's see...what else? Denver PrideFest is on Father's Day this year which really sucks. It's usually the last weekend of the month, but there was already an event planned for that weekend so they had to move it up. I'm going to spend the day before with my Dad, so I can spend Father's Day with the gays. And hope this doesn't become a yearly thing. BUT!!! The Main Stage performers this year have me SO EXCITED! Two years ago, we saw Tiffany. Last year we saw Debbie Gibson. And this year is En Vogue! I loved their music and still do. So I am really looking forward to that. And of course, all the fun that Pride is. And the yummy food vendors. I love Pride!

Last but not least, I received my financial aid award letter and my tuition and textbooks for Fall are all covered. This was a HUGE relief, because there is no way we could have paid for them ourselves. There should be enough to cover my Spring classes & books as well. We talked about getting a laptop for me to use, so I wouldn't be hogging the family computer all the time, but it doesn't look realistic, at least not in time for the Fall semester. We'll just have to deal with sharing for a while. Worst case scenario: we'll use our tax money to buy one next Spring. But we'll make it work. Just like we always do...

A student once again...

2010-04-27T15:11:00.003-06:00

Okay, it's official. I will be a freshman in college this Fall. It's still sinking in, but it's happening for sure. And I'm finally excited. Really, really excited. But it was a frantic and nerve-wracking time getting here, to the excitement.
Shell has been mentioning that I should go to school for a few months now, but I pretty much dismissed it every time. She kept saying how she always thought I should have been a librarian. I love libraries and go frequently. A new library opened up locally, and the kids and I have spent a lot of time there and talk about it a lot. It's beautiful. There will be another new one opening just up the street from our house this summer and my girl and I can't wait. Anyway, it is easy to see my love for libraries, but I just couldn't see trying to go to school for a new career now. But Shell kept bringing it up and I started to think about it on my own. I'd mention why it was a bad idea, and she'd counter with how it wasn't. About a month ago, I mentioned to my best friend this thought that was starting to stir in my mind. His reaction was nothing but supportive and positive. It made me, for the first time consider that I could do this. But where to start?
On Friday, April 9 I went to my favorite new library and talked to a couple of the librarians there. Asked a lot of questions and got their opinions and advice on everything from the future of librarianship, the value of a degree and in what, and the job itself. They were very helpful and I walked out knowing that I wanted to do what they were doing. I even called Shell on my way back to work and told her I wanted to go to school. I'd decided. She was so excited that I was finally ready.
So that was Friday. On Sunday, we went to Dana & Jeannie's for dinner and told them that I'd decided to seriously look into starting school, possibly this fall. They looked at each other and then looked at me and said that registration for the Fall would be starting soon, maybe in the next few weeks. I didn't really see how that was possible, being how it's only April and all. But even so, we got on the computer and I enrolled at the community college that they both go to. As soon as I got enrolled, we checked and confirmed that registration for the Fall semester would start on April 20. That was just over a week away! When I got home that night, I applied for financial aid, which was the only way I was going to be able to go to school.
Over the next 2 days, I received my acceptance letter to the school and a student aid report. I decided to go for my Associate of Arts credits, then transfer those toward a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology. Seem like a strange choice for a librarian? The ladies I spoke to actually suggested that since libraries cater to more needs than just literature, it is beneficial to study something people-related. I've always been interested in Psychology, so it was the obvious choice.
Next, I would need to take an assessment test to determine class placement. It's a 2-3 hour test, so I had to wait until Saturday to take it. Saturday...3 days before registration. I took the test, which consisted of sections covering reading comprehension, sentence structure, college math and algebra, along with a 300-600 word essay. I got my results immediately and learned that I got the highest possible score on my essay. Yay me! And scored in the highest range for the reading and English sections. Yay me! And... in the lowest range for the math and algebra. No yay there, but it wasn't a surprise. I did not like math when I was in school. I didn't do well in math, in fact I received the only F of my school career in Algebra 2. It's not my "thing". I'm a reading and English girl, obviously. So although it was a disappointment, it reflected the truth.
Now that I had my results, I needed to meet with an advisor before the hold on my account could be lifted and I could register. Hearing that the classes I'd probably be taking might fill up fast, I wanted to register as soon as I could. So I needed to see an advisor on Monday. Of course, there were no appointments available that day so I went during the drop-in hours and hoped for the best. The advisor I talked to was awesome. She confirmed that with my math scores, I'd need to start at the bottom of the math classes and work my way up. I'm not so thrilled about having to take so much math, but it is what it is. However, being that my reading scores were so high, I don't have to take any reading classes and since my English and essay scores were so high I can try to test out of one of the English classes I need. I'm planning to do that in the next couple of weeks. So, good and bad news. Because of my history with math, she highly recommended waiting until Spring to take math and instead take classes that interested me to ease into this new routine. Hearing that I wanted to take 12 credits, she encouraged me to really think about it before deciding for sure. I'd still be working full-time and having a family would mean that I'd be stretched pretty thin. I got the same advice from a friend, which I definitely took to heart. Thanks Steph, for your concern and advice. But I decided that since I was not going to tackle math until the Spring, and since I was taking classes that I was excited about, I'd go for it.
I registered first thing Tuesday morning, just 11 days after deciding to go to school and 9 days after enrolling. I'm taking Interpersonal Communications, Psychology 101, Introduction to Literature and U.S. History Since 1945. I am seriously thrilled to be doing this. I can't wait to get my textbooks and get started. School starts August 23!
I know that I'll be busybusybusy. I'm sure I'll feel like I'm pulled in multiple directions at once. But Shell & the kids are super excited for me and we've already had some conversations about how this will change our lives. I wish I could start sooner, but I'm also glad to have the summer to get organized and put some new patterns into place to make this as smooth as possible for everyone. All of my classes for Fall are online which makes me very happy. I may not have a lot of extra time for my family, but at least I'll be at home. :)

One Word

2010-04-21T11:39:00.002-06:00

Does it count as posting when I do the Meme's I'm tagged for? Thanks Tara for keeping my blog from collecting too many cobwebs!
This one is supposed to be answered with one-word responses. Much harder than it seems...

Hair: dyed
Your Mother: difficult
Your Father: handy
Fav Food: Mexican
Dream Last Night: forgettable
Fav Drink: tea
What room are you in?: office
Hobby: reading
Fear: loss
Where were you last night?: library
Something that you aren’t: fit
Muffins: banana
Wish List Item: security
Where you grew up: SoCal
What you are wearing: clothes
Your Pet: hounds
Friends: diverse
Something you’re not wearing: earrings
Fav Store: Target
Fav Color: green
Last time you laughed: yesterday
Your Best Friend: true
Best Place you go over and over: home
Person who you email regularly: coworker
Fav Place to Eat: restaurants

10 Things

2010-04-07T08:44:00.002-06:00

I've seen this meme going around the blogs I read, and while I thought it would be fun, I also thought it might be kind of hard as well. Then I got tagged by Teaberry for it, so the thinking had to start.
10 things you might not know about me...
1. Bodies of water terrify me. When I was growing up, we didn't know anyone with a pool so I never learned how to swim. By the time my parents made friends with a couple who had a pool, I was in high school and too embarassed to try to learn. I basically taught myself how to flail my arms and legs enough to "swim" from one end of the pool to the other, but that was it. I've never gone into the ocean past my knees, because I'm afraid of the pull of the water. I didn't want my kids to be afraid of water, but because I was scared that a day might come when they needed help in the water, we had them take swimming lessons. 3 summers in a row, they took lessons at the rec center and both did great. They love swimming and have no fear of the water. This makes me very happy and very relieved.
However, I do love being near the ocean, lakes, rivers, etc. I find the water very calming, as long as there is no danger of falling in.
2. After I graduated high school, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life besides getting married and having kids. My parents never stressed the importance of going to college, but everyone else in my life did, so I registered for community college with no direction in mind. I went for 2 weeks. I hadn't really thought much about it over the years, mostly because I hadn't ever found a career that seemed attractive to me. Lately however, the topic has come up often and I'm now thinking about actually going to college for real. My wife is pushing me in this direction, simply because she has more faith in me than I do. I'm still finding the reasons not to, and she is there to remind me of the reasons to do it. I think she might be winning...
3. My college time ended after 2 weeks when Shell & I ran away. We were gone for almost a month. Didn't let anyone know where we were. Our cover was blown when we contacted a friend and she ratted us out to Shell's parents. Looking back, it was a very foolish decision but in a lot of ways I don't regret it. It was just another way we were proving that nobody could keep us apart.
4. I don't mind speaking in front of people. I've run meetings with no problem. I've spoken my mind about things I believe in and oppose. Doesn't bother me. What DOES bother me is that when I do speak to a group of people, my face and neck turn bright red. I don't feel embarassed, so why does this happen? It never fails and many times knowing that it will happen keeps me from speaking up. I hate it, but I have no idea how to prevent it.
5. Shell is the only woman I've ever been with. I had one serious boyfriend before her, who I lost my virginity to when I was 17. Five months after we broke up, Shell and I got together. From that moment, I've never doubted my sexuality. Realizing that I was in love with her and wanted to be with her felt like finding out who I really was.
6. When I came out, everyone was surprised and that is still the reaction to this day. To be honest, I doubt that I trigger most people's gaydar. This bothers me at times, because I feel that visibility is very important. But I am out to all my coworkers and my entire family, so I do what I can in that aspect. I am who I am. I found the term "chapstick lesbian" one day and the definition fits me well. I like it.
7. I've never had a broken bone and other than for dental work and my c-section, I've never had stitches.
8. Most people I know would have followed up the previous statement with "knock on wood", but not me. I am not superstitious at all. Shell is and it drives me crazy when she tells the kids to throw salt over their shoulder or knock on wood or that breaking a mirror brings bad luck or not to step on a crack. I just don't believe in them. I don't believe in heaven & hell and I don't believe that there is a godlike being somewhere passing judgment on everyone. I do however, believe in ghosts and spirits.
9. I love doing laundry. Every part of it, EXCEPT walking up and down the 3 sets of stairs between the basement where the washer & dryer are and the bedrooms. My kids can do their own laundry, but I'll just randomly grab clothes out of their hampers and then wash, dry & fold them. When I do their laundry, I leave the folded piles of clothes on their beds to put away, you know so they have to do some of the work. But I don't mind, I like it.
10. I love living in Colorado and dread the day when Shell (who doesn't love living here) decides that we've lived where I wanted to for long enough, it's time to go back to California. She talks about wanting to move back all the time and has for years now, but I just can't bring myself to seriously consider it. I just don't want to live there again. But I know that someday, I will have to give in and it makes me very sad.

Okay, so now the fun part. I get to tag some of you to take this. Unfortunately, most of you have already been tagged, so that takes some of the fun out of it. These are a few I don't think have done this yet:
Steph at All For the Love of You
B at Endless Love
Jackie at Waiting for Mavis
Kathy at Wannabe Earth Mamas
Meg at All About Austin
Ally at 2moms2babies

I look forward to reading your 10 things!

This Month

2010-03-15T13:09:00.004-06:00

This month is flying by, mostly because we've been BUSY and my house is a disaster to show for it. Hopefully that will be changing this weekend, which is the most logical time to do this deep cleaning as the next couple of weekends are booked. The run-down of the first 2 weeks of March go something like this:

My boy had his band concert on the 2nd. It's so fun to see the band getting better at every concert. However, the audience is another story. Can someone explain to me why, if you are going to your child's band concert, you feel the need to talk throughout the concert? It drives me INSANE to hear all the chatter in the audience DURING SONGS!! Seriously... Makes me crazy. The band director starts off every concert asking for the common courtesy of silence while music is being performed. If your baby/child is crying/screaming or just a loud talker, please take them out to the lobby. He proceeds to repeat this plea, mostly focusing on the talking, every 3-4 songs finally practically pleading with the audience to SHUT UP. I realized that I was so distracted by the noise, I missed a whole song. I just don't get it...

The kids have been rehearsing for the Spring Musical for months now. It started out as 2 days a week, until 5:15. Not a big deal as I work very close to their school, so I'd usually get there right at 5:15 to pick them up and we'd be home around 5:45. As the date of the performance approached, these rehearsals grew to 3 days a week, then 2 days until 5:15 and 1 day until 6:00, each week. The last 2 weeks have been Monday through Thursday, until 6:00 each night. It has made for late dinners that usually ended up being either fast food or something quick to prepare since Shell leaves for work at 8:45. The kids love being a part of the musicals, so it's all worth it. But I sure missed the brief time I had to spend with my wife each night. And when we miss too many days in a row, it shows.

My boy and I went to see Bon Jovi in concert on the 8th. We've had our tickets since November, so the anticipation had been building and we were crazy excited by the time the actual day finally came. Dana's mom bought tickets so that she could take Dana, her sister and Jeannie too. They got seats on the floor, but I think we had great seats too. We were first row just up from the floor, a perfect view of the stage. The plan was for me to pick up the boy from rehearsal and then we would head downtown to the venue. UNTIL..Dana called me that afternoon to say that they were taking a limo and we could ride with them. No fighting traffic, no dealing with parking, no paying for parking, no super long line of cars leaving after the show. Perfect! So not only did my boy go to his first real rock concert, but had his first limo ride too. All in the same day. He was beside himself with excitement. The concert was great, better than I even imagined. I have loved Bon Jovi since the 80's and my boy loves them as well. We sang, danced, shouted and whistled and basically had perma-grin the whole time. What a night we had. The limo picked us up right after the concert ended, right around 11:30. By the time we got back to our house and in bed, it was 12:30. To say that my boy had a hard time getting up the next morning would be a gross understatement. But he made it and now it's just a great memory. Shell is taking our girl to see Taylor Swift next month which they are very excited about. It's on a school night too, so we'll see how she fares the next morning. I'm so thankful that we can share these experiences with them, and that they are still excited to see a concert with their parents. I wonder how much longer before that ends?

The performances for the musical were on the 12th and 13th. I went alone on Friday night so I could scope out the best seats to watch from. My parents and Dana & Jeannie went with us on Saturday night and once again I was impressed at how well the kids did. The production was Metaphasia, a radically updated retelling of the Tale of the 12 Dancing Princesses. My boy was the only boy who auditioned, so he played two roles, the dad of the main character and the King. My girl was Trishnakov, the ballerina princess which meant that her brother played her dad. Hehe.
After the show, my parents took the kids home with them since we had plans. It was Shell's birthday and we were going out! The plan was for us to ride with Dana & Jeannie so I could drink. Usually I'm the designated driver, so this would be a treat for me. They told us we'd have to run back to their house because Dana forgot her ID, and then moments later a limo pulled up. They got a limo so that everyone could drink and not have to worry about it. Awesome plan! The limo dropped us off at the Mongolian BBQ restaurant we were eating at. It wasnot only Saturday night, but we were downtown on the weekend before St. Patrick's Day. The streets were packed with cars and people. We were VERY glad not to be dealing with that. Dinner was awesome, as always. It's quickly becoming one of my favorite places to eat. After dinner, we took a cab to the bar that we always go to. It's perfect. There are 2 dancefloors, one where country music is played and the other is hip-hop/dance music. One of the most appealing aspects of this place is that there is a covered smoking area. 3 out of 4 of us smoke and although I'm the one who doesn't, it is nice that we have somewhere to sit and drink and talk and they don't have to go outside when they're smoking.
As usual, we spent most of the night either in the smoking area, on the patio or around the country dancefloor. Towards the end of the night, we made our way to the "dance" side and as soon as we staked out our seats, a Janet Jackson song came on. I LOVE JANET JACKSON! My wife, who typically does NOT dance, pulled me on the dancefloor to dance with her. It was great. Dana & I danced after that and we all people watched the dancefloor, which really is so much fun. The bar closed at 2 and our limo pulled up soon after to take us back to Dana & Jeannie's. Jeannie didn't drink as much as the rest of us, so she drove us home. Thanks to the time change, it was 5am when we climbed in bed and I had to get up at 10 so I could pick up the kids and take them to the wrap party for the musical. It was REALLY hard to get up, but thankfully I was just really tired, not hungover.
After their party, we met up with Dana & Jeannie and the kids and we headed to a early dinner at a yummy pizza place near us. It was really good and we had entertainment in the form of a girl making balloon animals. We were pretty impressed, possibly more so than the kids. After dinner we went home and the kids finished up their homework while we watched the most recent episode of Ghost Whisperer and just relaxed for the first time all weekend. Oh yeah, that's what else we did this month: bought a new bed! Ours was over 14 years old and it showed it's age. We bought a really nice one that has an adjustable foundation so we can raise the foot and head of the bed. And it vibrates. We really spoiled ourselves with it, but we think it's a good investment and who can argue a good night's sleep?

The plan for this weekend is to clean our house. It's so bad and the only other plans are to have dinner at my parents house on Saturday, so we should be able to get a lot done. Next weekend the kids will be staying overnight with them again, as we'll be celebrating Dana's birthday and alcohol consumption is part of the plan. I think we'll end up staying over at their house, so I don't have to drive home after. March is the only month we drink this much and to be honest we probably won't drink again until it rolls around again next year. Spring Break is next week, so I think that this weekend we'll focus on the common areas of the house and then whatever is left to be done in their rooms can be finished while they're home during the week. I'm really looking forward to a clean house, it's been too long!

Where to Begin?

2010-02-11T15:35:00.002-07:00

It's the middle of February. Wow. I haven't written anything of substance since December and it was a recap of my vacation in November. Holy cow! Obviously, there is a lot that I haven't written about. What do I do about that? Catch up in bullets? Forget that it all happened and start from now? I don't exactly know the answer yet, but for the time being let's start from now. Maybe I'll write regularly about what's going on currently and will occasionally fill in what I missed. Yeah, that sounds like a good plan.
Soooo... the middle of February huh? In 2010... It's so weird that the number of the year isn't really throwing me off at all. It's just a number. Kind of like feeling that being 35 is just a number. It doesn't define me. I don't let it. Now, the age of my kids? THAT defines me. They are 11. Not that interesting of an age. Except... They will be 12 in 5 1/2 months. 12 years old is the last year before they are teenagers. 12 is the year that signals a shift in how they relate to the world, to themselves and to us. It has already started in little ways. Manageable ones, but still. It's just the beginning. I wonder all the time if we're doing this parenting thing right. Shell & I talked briefly last night about it. We've been assured by others that we are doing something right. They get awesome grades. All A's this year with only one B for each thrown in. They are well behaved when away from home, polite to others, kind, outgoing and compassionate and not picky when it comes to eating. We are told that we have "good kids". That we are lucky. And I believe that we are, because I don't know how they got this way. Parenting them hasn't been hard or much of a challenge really, so did we have that much to do with it? Or are we just "lucky" that we were blessed with "good kids". And now that we're approaching those infamously difficult years, will our luck hold or will it run out?

A Catch-Up Note: One of the detractors from writing in my blog continues to be Facebook. I still love it. And I love the applications. From Farmville to Zoo World to Happy Aquarium. From the quizzes to the Photo of the Day. I love it all. There is no way I could stay in touch with all those people any other way. I'm finding a way to keep updated on my Facebook friends and try to stay up to date on the blogs I read. I am horrible about commenting though. I want to get better at that. And I want to post regularly here too. But then my crops need to be harvested or my fish need to fed or I have a baby lemur being born and I'm drawn back to Facebook. But I'm going to try to be better. And I hope that those 13 people who commented on my Delurker post will stick with me while I figure it all out. And maybe a few more will show up as well. I'd like to make it worth it. For you and for me. :)

Come out, Come out...

2010-01-14T11:21:00.002-07:00

whoever you are!

Ok, I have to admit that I'm not really all that thrilled about having a male flasher here, but it's the logo and it get the point across.
I'd love to know who reads my blog, especially those who don't comment. Unless the only readers I have ARE the ones who comment, in which case the 4 of you can just say hi as usual. In the spirit of this, I'm going to go comment on your blogs today too. You know, because I don't have anything else I should be doing, like oh...say post a REAL entry here.
Thanks to everyone who reads. Really, I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Thank you.

Goodbye 2009

2009-12-31T12:21:00.002-07:00

I know that I am behind on posting, and as soon as the craziness of the holidays is officially over I fully intend to catch up and stay caught up. I just wanted to post a quick thanks to those of you who read my blog and a sincere thank you to those who comment. I hope you all have a fun evening tonight in whatever you choose to do. Shell is working tonight, so it'll be me and the kids as usual. The sparkling cider is chilling and we'll break out the fancy schmancy glasses to toast with. We'll watch the ball drop and after polishing off the cider we'll head to bed. I'm very happy to see 2009 end and have high hopes that 2010 will be better.
Happy New Year to all my new blog-friends and to those who might read and never comment, a Happy New Year to you too. Maybe I'll get to know you too this year?

Better Late Than Never (Right?!?!)

2009-12-21T13:23:00.000-07:00

It's been 3 weeks since we got back from vacation and so much has been going on since then, but I really want to write about the great time we had. I also want to remember how hard this month has been for us so that I can look back next year and be thankful for how much better it is by then. (Wishful thinking here) So, on to the fun stuff...

Our vacation was great. We were very busy and some of us (my boy & Shell) got grumpy at times, but all in all it was a fun trip. This will get long, but I don't want to forget anything.

We had planned to leave Monday by 7pm. There was a storm passing through that day bringing snow to the mountains and we were a little nervous about driving through it. My boss let me leave early to get a head start, so I hoped to go home and pick up Shell to head to the car rental shop. Well, I ended up waiting a little while because she had FINALLY (after feeling crappy for about a week) decided to go to the doctor. She walked out after being diagnosed with an ear infection, a bladder infection AND walking pneumonia. LOVELY! After getting her prescriptions filled, we went to pick up the car. We got an awesome Nissan Altima and Shell accidentally dropped her phone and it broke in 3 pieces. Of course, we don't have insurance on our phones and we haven't been with this carrier very long so we'd have to pay full price for a new phone. Um, no thanks. That won't be happening until AFTER Christmas. I took the dogs to my parents house and loaded up the car while waiting for her to get back. We ended up leaving our house at 7:30, but then stopped at McDonalds to eat, putting us officially on the road at 8:00. Not bad, actually. We did hit horrible snow and ice once we passed through the Eisenhower Tunnel, which slowed us way down, but we were careful and made it through safely.

Sleeping in the backseat. Totally the best way to travel!

We made it to Las Vegas at 6:30am and met Shell's dad for breakfast. We visited a little and ate very good. We stretched our legs and the kids had a great time with their Papa.

Once the Vegas rush hour traffic died down, we got back on the road. California was right around the corner and we didn't want to wait any longer.

Our hotel was very close to Disneyland, and it was a busy week so there was a lot of traffic around the hotel. We were lucky that our room was ready early, so we were able to check in as soon as we got there. The room had 2 queen beds in the main room, plus there was a separate kids room with it's own bathroom, TV and bunkbeds. The kids loved it. We unloaded the car, settled in and Shell & I showered. Then we were off again to see a friend from high school who just had her second child at the beginning of November. It was nice to visit with her and her kids and Shell, my girl and I got to hold and love on her baby girl. From there, we headed to Shell's aunt's place where we got to hang out with aunts and uncles and cousins. Shell's mom got there soon after with Shell's brother and SIL and we ate homemade taquitos, quacamole, beans & rice. We were starving for real food and it all hit the spot.

Wednesday morning we got up early and headed to Disneyland. What a day that was! We were there from 9am to 1am. We rode so many rides and had so much fun. My best friend Eric came with his boyfriend, who we hadn't met before. Shell's cousin and her family were there, as were two other cousins who we met up with periodically throughout the day. We even went across to California Adventure (which we'd never been to) and got to see the charm of that park too. There were A LOT of pictures taken that day, and here are just a few.

Sleeping Beauty's castle & Shell on the Jungle Cruise.

The Haunted Mansion & the Rocket Ships at the entrance to Tomorrowland.

The kids with Pluto & my boy looking for something?

The kids in Toontown & us

Thanksgiving Day was spent with Shell's side of the family. It was only the second time she's ever been to her grandma's house, so she was a little apprehensive at first. But it ended up being a fun time. The kids played outside with cousins that they've only heard about and we spent time with people who love us. We were only there for a few hours, but our time was spent well.

3-Legged Race and Potato Sack Race with the cousins.

My girl and I & Shell with her cousins, her brother and her grandma.

The rest of the evening was spent in our hotel room just relaxing. Shell was starting to feel the effects of her illnesses and was running a fever. My boy complained of a sore throat and we thought that our remaining time in CA might not be as fun as originally hoped for. But we persevered.

We visited my grandparents on Friday. Shell hadn't ever been to their house, so it was a big deal to me for her to be there. My grandpa bought pizza and we had 7-Up with it. When I was young, I used to spend the night on Saturday nights so I could go to church with my grandma and they always had 7-Up. I think it was the only soda that they ever bought. So it was kind of neat to share that memory with my family. Then my grandpa served us ice cream, which was another tradition from my overnights there. Shell says that I was grinning from ear to ear. I probably was. After we ate, I walked them through using the DVD player that my sister hooked up for them and then we went in the backyard to take pictures. Shell doesn't usually take pictures, but she did a great job getting this shot of me with my grandparents and my kids.

Shell's aunt took our kids shopping at Toys 'R Us then we went back to her house where the worst part of our trip happened. Worried that with 2 more days of vacation still ahead of us my camera's memory card might get full, I moved the pictures to a flash drive for storage. Then, I rotated the ones that needed it and decided to delete the very blurry ones. Well, unfortunately the ones I had rotated were still highlighted and I inadvertently deleted those too. In an instant my heart dropped and my eyes welled up. I went to the recycle bin and found nothing. I couldn't restore them, as they were deleted from the flash drive and not from the computer. When we got home I tried again with photo recovery software and the files were found, but had been corrupted when they were rotated. 42 pictures gone. I am still heartbroken about it.

After having a moment to berate myself for my stupidity, I picked myself back up and we headed to have pizza with Shell's family for one last hurrah. We wouldn't be seeing them again before we left for home.

Shell with her brother & her mom and aunt.

After leaving the pizza parlor we went to Shell's brother's apartment and visited more with them. It was 11:00 when we got back to the hotel that night and Shell was running a fever again and we were all worn out. But we still had two big days ahead of us.

We slept in a little on Saturday and then went to visit a lady who lives on the street where Shell grew up. Alice pretty much was Shell's safe haven when her own house was full of chaos. When we first started dating, Alice welcomed me into her house and listened when we felt like it was us against the world. She is a very special lady and we love her to pieces.

Shell with her Aunty Alice & me with my boy.

Then we headed to Thanksgiving Part 2 at my Grandma's house. We had a houseful! My grandma, my aunt, my sister and nieces, my oldest cousin and her family and my youngest cousin were all there. Eric & Jake came later to make the day complete. We had a great visit by a cousin on my dad's side that I haven't seen in 20 years. We ate and visited all day. Jake brought fuse beads for the kids to work on and it kept them entertained and quiet. Eric brought the MJ stuff that he bought for me at the memorial service. My boy had a reaction to something and was getting some hives, so my aunt found some Benadryl. For the first time, he successfully swallowed medicine in a pill-form. It was an accomplishment. By the evening, Shell was feeling really yucky and her fever was back again. I really didn't want to leave, but we did end up leaving earlier than I would have liked. It made me feel very lucky to have the people I love all together like that after so long and I wanted to bottle the feeling and take it with me.

My nieces, sister, newly found again cousin, me and my kids & the 11 year olds doing fuse beads.

Eric and Jake & the kids.

My grandma with her granddaughters.

We had one last day in California on Sunday and were heading home that evening. The story of that day and the days since then to come soon.

Spreading the word

2009-12-04T11:41:00.002-07:00

Heidi at Thinking Miracles is having a giveaway for an adorable bib & barrette set. Go check it out here to enter.

We got back from California on Monday and I am playing mad catch up at work. I have a lot of pictures and great memories that I want to post, but there is so much to do at work and at home that I am overwhelmed. After a week, there is SO MUCH to catch up on in my blog reader too. I'm slowly making my way through it all. I will write soon, I promise.

I'm a bad blogger...

2009-11-10T09:44:00.002-07:00

It's so ridiculous that I think about blogging EVERY DAY, and don't. And then I get overwhelmed thinking about how long it's been and what has happened and what I've missed writing about. And then I turn around and it's been almost a month since my last post which was just a filler anyway. When I saw that NaBloPoMo was this month I thought perfect, that's what I need. Then realized that I will be gone for a week over Thanksgiving and why even sign up for it if I already know I won't be able to do it. Excuses, excuses...I know.
So, what HAS been going on? I'm sure I'll forget something, but here goes...

Since the sudden loss of her much loved chinchilla, my girl has adjusted to her new normal with a lot of tears and an admirable strength. We cleaned out Noel's cage, but it still sits in my girl's room. She isn't ready for it to go yet, and that's okay. She talks about her a lot and misses her fiercely, but she's moving on. It's been very hard, and I'm so proud of her.
Halloween was fun. My girl went as a dragon lady with decorated kimono & sash and Chinese fan. Her hair was crimped and she looked great. My boy was The Joker and absolutely loved his costume. We trick or treated for about an hour and a half and they got a good amount of candy. My girl had a friend over who went with us and stayed overnight.
November 1st we saw "This Is It". Shell, Dana, my kids and I all went and we loved it. I cried a few times, not because the film is sad but because of the loss of all that talent. It's a wonderful film. When we walked out of the theater I told Shell I wanted to see it every day until the run ended. She had no doubt that I was serious. But since I have neither the time or the money to do that, I waited until my parents went on the 7th and tagged along. I didn't cry as much the second time. I left that to my mom. I still wish that I could see it in the theater one more time, but if I don't I'm happy that I got to see it twice and I will eagerly await the DVD release.
F*cebook is taking over all my free computer time. The applications that I participate in are growing and I love them. And I love the connections that I've made on it. But I need to find a way to share my extra time with my blog as well.
Went to a fun book signing in Denver on the 2nd. Ree Drummond (The Pioneer Woman) was here to sign her new cookbook, The Pioneer Woman Cooks. I was there about 2 hours before it started, and it was already filling up by that time. The bookstore was not prepared for the turnout she got, and it was packed. But I got my book signed and chatted with her for a few minutes. She is adorable and sweet and courteous and genuinely appreciative of her followers. I met interesting women and just had such a nice time. Definitely not my typical Monday night.
Shell and I have fallen in love with two new shows this season. The Good Wife and Modern Family. They are both very good. We are about halfway caught up with the episodes that are in the DVR of both and can't wait to catch up. But we are on a mission to get as much watched as possible before we leave for vacation.
Ah, vacation. We have 2 weeks left before we'll be in California. We are driving (rented a car) and will leave Monday evening on the 23rd, arriving midday on Tuesday. We are taking the kids to D*sneyland on Wednesday, Turkey dinner with Shell's family on Thursday, visiting with my grandparents and other casual visits on Friday, Turkey dinner with my family on Saturday and a fun excursion to Los Angeles and Hollywood on Sunday before heading home Sunday evening. We will be exhausted, but it will be so worth it.
2 weeks after we get home, I will hop on a plane back to CA for my little sister's graduation. She has worked so hard to become an R.N. and I'm so glad that I get to see her achieve it. I'll only be there Wed-Sat, but I'm looking forward to it so much.
And that will take us right to Christmas. Of which I can't deal with thinking about too much. I think we are somewhat in denial, because we really have no plan of action. Usually we tackle a big portion of our shopping the day after Thanksgiving, but we won't be home on that day and certainly aren't shopping while in CA. Should be interesting.
I will be on vacation when my company does it's year-end inventory. So, we are going to do a preinventory in my office before I leave to try to pinpoint any problems ahead of time. Which means that I have about a week to get prepared for this. Plus knowing that I'll be gone for a week, I want to get my desk in order. I have A LOT of filing that needs to be done. A soon as I get done posting this, I'll start to tackle the August filing and make my way to the October stuff. Fun times!
We are going to see Wicked this Sunday with Dana & Jeannie and are so excited. We love it so much and can't wait to share it their first time with them.

I'm keeping up with the blogs I read, but sometimes am a few days behind. I have pictures on my hard drive at home, so maybe now that I've updated I'll just do a post of pictures to accompany it. I do appreciate whoever reads my blog and love the comments, so thank you.

A little different meme

2009-10-14T09:47:00.003-06:00

Easing back into posting with a meme I saw on GR-E-G's blog.

1. What is the color of your toothbrush? Pink
2. Name one person who made you smile today. My daughter
3. What were you doing at 8 am this morning? Working
4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? Still working
5. What is your favorite candy bar? I love the Snickers with Almonds
6. Have you ever been to a strip club? A few times, yes.
7. What is the last thing you said aloud? "Thanks" to a coworker
8. What is your favorite ice cream? Mocha Almond Fudge
9. What was the last thing you had to drink? Water
10. Do you like your wallet? I guess. It's a wallet, nothing special.
11. What was the last thing you ate? Breakfast burrito
12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? Yes, a pair of pants and 3 shirts for me and a bunch of clothes for the kids at the Macy's sale last weekend.
13. The last sporting event you watched? Back-to-back football games last Sunday
14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? Hot air popped with real butter poured over the top. No extra salt.
15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? Wife's best friend
16. Ever go camping? Haven't since I was a kid when we used to go every year.
17. Do you take vitamins daily? No
18. Do you go to church every Sunday? No
19. Do you have a tan? No, sun exposure is not my friend
20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza? yes. unfortunately though, pizza for a family of 4 is much less expensive than Chinese for a family of 4, so pizza wins out 9 times out of 10.
21. Do you drink your soda with a straw? I don't drink much soda, but if I order it and it comes with one, I'll use it.
22. What did your last text message say? "ok I had only mentioned it in passing so I wasn't sure"
23. What are you doing tomorrow? Working of course.
24. Favorite color? Right now I love various shades of green
25. Look to your left; what do you see? Filing cabinets
26. What color is your watch? I don't wear a watch.
27. What do you think of when you hear “Australia”? dream vacation
28. Would you strip for money? hmm. it would depend on so many factors-for whom, where, how much....
29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? usually drive thru
30. What is your favorite number? don't have one
31. Who’s the last person you talked to on the phone? customer
32. Any plans today? same ole, same ole..
33. In how many states have you lived? 2
34. Biggest annoyance right now? work
35. Last song listened to? Seasons of Love from RENT
36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? not quickly
37. Do you have a maid service clean your house? haha. hahahahaha. no.
38. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? I like my new black mules. usually I don't think of my shoes in terms of favorites. either they match what I'm wearing or appropriate for the weather is what I'm most concerned with.
39. Are you jealous of anyone? I try not to be
40. Is anyone jealous of you? I doubt it
41. Do you love anyone? every day with all my heart, yes
42. Do any of your friends have children? Yes
43. What do you usually do during the day? sit in front of the computer, answer the phone, enter data. and wish I could afford to stay at home.
44. Do you hate anyone that you know right now? no
45. Do you use the word hello daily? yes
46. What color is your car? silver
47. What size wedding ring do you wear? don't remember
48. Are you thinking about someone right now? yes, friends who are going through tough times
49. Have you ever been to Six Flags? once
50. How did you get your worst scar? by having my twins via c-section. worst scar=best reason

Our Loss

2009-09-30T09:36:00.002-06:00

Last Thursday, my daughter's chinchilla Noel passed away. It was the worst day of her life and the hardest day I have had as a parent. We're not exactly sure what happened, but it appears as if her liver failed. We are still reeling from this as a family, and my girl is still grieving the loss of her baby. I made the mistake of referring to Noel as her pet and she corrected me- "Noel was not my pet, she was my baby and my best friend." And she is right, of course.
Noel was still very young. She would have turned 3 next month. She was just 2 months old when we brought her home, a Christmas gift for my girl. She was instantly in love and took great care of Noel. She hand tamed her and talked to her all the time. She read out loud to Noel and confided all her secrets to her. She was a very lucky and so very much loved chinchilla.
About 2 weeks ago, my girl told me that Noel wasn't acting like herself. As we tend to do with our kids, our pets and especially ourselves, I told her she was probably okay and would probably be acting like herself again soon. Here is where my guilt sets in, because this response was purely money driven. In order to take a chinchilla to the vet, you have to find one with experience dealing with exotic animals. And then you pay for that specialty. And again, as with ourselves and sometimes our kids I hated the idea of taking her in and then paying a ridiculous amount of money to find out that she was fine. Big time regret here. My girl trusted that I was probably right and expected that Noel would bounce back. She didn't, obviously.
On Tuesday of last week, my girl told me that Noel was worse and she NEEDED to go to the vet. I went in to check her out and realized that something was definitely wrong. She wasn't bouncing all over her cage like normal and when I reached in to pick her up, she just sat in in my hands and then my lap. She was thinner than before too. I held food up to her mouth and she ate a few bites so I felt better about that, but still worried. Since it was late, I decided to call around in the morning to find out what I should do. I found a vet who could see her, but he was only working the walk-ins that day so I couldn't make an appointment. The girl that I talked to listened to the symptoms I told her and we decided that I could bring her in after work as the vet would be there until 6. Relieved, I went about the rest of my day. I left a little early, went home to pick up Noel, swung by to pick up the kids from choir practice and then headed to the vet's office. Noel was more lethargic now, but I was hopeful that the vet would be able to help us out. Unfortunately, he had decided to leave early for the day and since we weren't an appointment and they didn't have our information there was no way to reach us. We weren't sure what to do. The only other exotic vet in our area was already gone for the day and couldn't get us back in until 8am the next morning. We had the option of going to an after hours hospital, but none had doctors familiar with exotics. After talking about it, we made the very hard choice to take her home and go back to the other vet at 8 the next morning. I didn't sleep very good that night, afraid that she would die and my girl would find her in the morning. Every time I checked on her, she was always in the same spot and still breathing, but it was very obvious that she wasn't doing well. When it was time to leave for the vet, we took her out of her cage and she just laid down in the box. My girl asked me if she was dying and I told her that I thought so. She asked if we could still try to take her and I told her of course. As long as she was alive, it was worth trying. We drove as fast as we could, both of us crying the whole way there. They took her back as soon as we walked in and within 10 minutes we got a room and the vet was giving us his assessment. She was still alive, but her body temperature was very low and she was dehydrated. They needed to put her in an incubator to warm her up and would give her fluids. If she responded to that, they could examine her. But as for right then, she was too unstable even for that. He would call in a few hours and let us know how she was doing and then we could decide what to do from there. We left knowing that she was being taken care of, but were scared. We knew it didn't look good, but felt she was in good hands. I took my girl home by her request and I headed to work. I figured I could work until the vet called at least. Less than an hour after leaving Noel, she passed away. Shell called me right after she got the news from the vet. I could hear my girl crying, wailing was more like it. It ripped my heart out. She got on the phone and through her sobs asked if we could go back and see her. And if we could bring her home and bury her in the backyard. I left work and headed home. We took a plastic box with us that she put a pillowcase in and brought Noel back home. She carried the box with her baby in it around for a few hours and so many tears were shed. I dug a hole in a nice spot and she wrote a letter to put in the box as well. Between bouts of crying, we talked about memories of Noel and there were many. I think it helped her to focus on the good and not only the bad. After my boy got home and was able to say goodbye himself, we sealed up the box and my girl placed it in the ground. My boy filled in the hole part way, as did I. My girl wanted to finish and through her tears, she did. We spent a lot of time that night and in the days since talking about what happened and the what-ifs. We both feel guilt and regret, but we're working through it. She is very glad that Noel is at home, so she knows where she is and can visit her. She sits in the backyard every day and talks to her and has started to read to her. She goes out every night before going to bed to say good night.
It's been less than a week, but while my baby is still very much grieving for her baby, I see little bits of healing happening as well. She is smiling more and crying less. This life lesson is such a hard one to learn, and while I wish she never had to learn it I am proud of how she is coping. Shell, hoping to ease her pain, asked if she wanted to get another chinchilla. My girl said that it's too soon. She's not ready. But maybe after the first of the year she'd be ready to think about it some more. She wasn't ready last weekend, but I think that this weekend we'll take the cage out and clean it up. My girl asked if she could keep it in her room for a while, so once it's clean and dried out, it'll go back there. A couple of days ago, she took what was left of Noel's food to my mom (she has 2 chinchillas) and threw out the remaining hay. She's making baby steps, at her own pace. It breaks my heart and fills it at the same time. She is a loving, sensitive, caring, empathetic and compassionate person who usually wears her heart on her sleeve. This has been a devastating blow to her, and I am so proud of her grace and strength. She is an amazing person and I am lucky to get to witness it every day. And Noel was lucky to have her as a mom, even if it was for too short a time.

The 22nd of September? Already???

2009-09-22T12:41:00.002-06:00

Ugh. I woke up with a headache this morning. Then, in an attempt to eat a good breakfast of oatmeal instead of the breakfast burritos I've been consuming, I started warming up milk on the stove. Went downstairs to get the clothes out of the dryer and heard my boy yelling at me. "Mommy! The stove! I don't know what to do!!" Of course, I knew exactly what happened. The milk boiled over and burned instantly to the cook top. The bottom of the pot had scalded milk stuck to it. And a lovely smell now filled my house. Wonderful... After cleaning up the cook top as best I could and scraping out the burned milk from the pot, there was no time for starting over. So I finished getting ready, grabbed two donuts and we were out the door. So much for that good-for-me breakfast. Maybe tomorrow...
~I have to call tonight to see if my juror number is called to report tomorrow. It won't break my heart if I have to sit in the jury room and read all day instead of being at work. But if I'm chosen, I'd like for it to be a VERY short trial. I've got too much that needs to be done every day at work to miss too much.
~My kids brought home their 1st quarter report cards last week and apparently middle school agrees with them so far. Both had all A's. I'm so incredibly proud of them. Now if they could just clean their rooms, they'd be perfect...
~The new season of TV shows are mostly starting back this week and while Shell is over the moon excited about this, I'm feeling pretty blah about them. I think I might be content to stick with my Monday shows (How I Met Your Mother & Big Bang Theory), Thursday show (Bones) and Friday shows (Ghost Whisperer & Medium). Since she starts out watching many of the new ones, I'm sure I'll get a taste as well and maybe pick up others. But, probably not.
~I am not thrilled that my office will probably be moving. Our lease is up in this building at the end of October and the owner is wanting to find a smaller space with considerably less rent. While I understand the necessity, I'm really happy with where we are. It is less than 20 minutes from my house and 5 minutes from my kids school. Just 6 short months ago I finally got a new desk, one that was custom built to fit the space that I got to move to in my office. It's not right in front of the door anymore and not in the middle of the room. I love it. And I don't want to move into a new building where I might not be able to have my own space again. Or one that may be much farther from my house and the school. I know that I've been lucky, and complaining about these things is petty and whiny. But it's how I feel. One of the buildings they are looking at is actually closer to my house and one is much farther. I know which one I'm hoping for, but my opinion is not a deciding factor. It all comes down to money. And really, what doesn't these days?
~We are driving to California for Thanksgiving. We've been talking about it for a month now, but it is finally decided. We will leave here Monday night, arriving there sometime before noon on Tuesday. We will have Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday with Shell's family and then on Saturday we will have Thanksgiving dinner with my family. Then we'll drive home Sunday night. We will be sharing a hotel room with Shell's mom, and renting a car to drive there in. We want to take the kids to Disneyland either Wednesday or Friday and fill in the rest of the time by visiting family. It's going to be a vacation with no rest, but one that is badly needed. Other than Shell's parents, our kids haven't seen her family since they were just turning 5. They don't remember them and every year on their birthday they have to ask who is the person sending them a card and money. So, we will go and make a memory for them. I'm very excited to be spending a holiday with my extended family. Haven't done that since we moved here 14 years ago. Plus, I'll get to see Eric and finally meet his boyfriend. Being with her family will be good for Shell and I'm happy that we are all going out there together. My mom agreed to keep our dogs at her house, otherwise we couldn't do it. I'm a little nervous about how we're going to split our time on the 2 days we'll have left, so neither of us (or our families) feel left out or neglected. More to come on that, I'm sure.
~I'm still planning to go back out in December for my sister's graduation from nursing school. And I still have NO idea how we're going to be able to afford it. But it is a priority and since I will be the only one going, that helps a lot. I'm so proud of her and I'm really looking forward to seeing my little sister become a nurse.
~Lastly, how the hell is it the end of September already??!! Yesterday, the temps dropped into the 50's and we got rain. More of the same for today and tomorrow. It snowed in the higher elevations. I think Fall is really here. Halloween is next month and the kids have been asked to choose inexpensive costumes this year. They are being very understanding and have almost made their choices. Christmas will be very light this year. Maybe everyone who we see at Thanksgiving will consider our visit as their gift? They may have no choice...

Happy Autumn Everyone!

Snake Eyes

2009-09-07T06:00:00.001-06:00

**I thought that I had already posted this, then found it in my list. So it's late, but here you go anyway.**

My babies are 11. Their birthday was the 30th and as they refer to it, they're "snake eyes"(11). Last year they were "double-digits"(10) and apparently next year they'll be "numerical"(12). After that they'll be teenagers, and that name alone is enough.

We had a party for them at the rec center so they could invite friends and go swimming. It was fun and they swam FOREVER!

My wife & kids LOVE the water. I do not. Thus, they swim and I take pictures. It's a good trade. Happy Birthday my babies.

Bear Country USA

2009-09-06T11:42:00.002-06:00

Go to Bear Country USA. Trust me, just do. Wait, you won't have to just trust me because I'm going to SHOW you why you must go.

You drive through the first part. As we entered the gate, this is what greeted us.

It was so gorgeous. We were blown away. Here is more of what we saw as we drove through. Keep in mind that very few of these pictures were taken using the zoom.

So that was all very exciting and the animals were so beautiful and so close, right on the side of the road sometimes. And then this bear walked up to our car. We saw a grasshopper jump onto the hood and the bear caught sight of it. We all held our breathe as he sat up and then the grasshopper jumped off the car and the bear relaxed. But then he stood right in that spot for several minutes. It was very cool.

After the bears, we also saw:The donkeys were the conclusion of the drive through part. Then we parked and walked through the area where the smaller animals are and visited the gift shop.In this same area is where they keep the bears under a year old. They were freaking adorable!Then, this happened....That, my friends is my sister and I walking INTO the cub enclosure. We entered a drawing to feed the bear cubs and I was chosen. You had to be over 18 to go inside, so the kids were out of luck. To be honest, I'm glad because I don't know how I could have chosen between them!

Here they come!

The kids were able to be in a gated area just outside of the enclosure. Here is from their view.Not bad. So, this is us feeding and playing with the babies. It was so awesome and unexpected. We will definitely go back, even if I don't get to feed baby bears next time.

That concludes the vacation wrap-up. Wow, I might actually get to the rest of August yet. Thanks for being patient!

Deadwood & Sturgis

2009-09-04T10:00:00.024-06:00

In hopes that I might finish recapping my vacation before, say...Christmas, I give you Part II of our trip to South Dakota. We headed to Deadwood Saturday morning with the intention of only staying a couple of hours. Not thinking there would be THAT much to keep us there longer. Oh, were we mistaken! Did I mention that we were there the weekend that the motorcycle rally in Sturgis was to begin?

This was just one of the many parking lots reserved for motorcycles only. It was very cool. They were everywhere, on the highway, on the street, in the parking lots. At times, it also meant that it was very loud, but for the most part I'd say it added to our trip.

There were very cool buildings and again...lots of motorcycles. We went to the museum and walked around a little, then headed to the main street in Deadwood. Wild Bill Hickok is a central figure in Deadwood's history as he was shot to death during a card game in a saloon in town. We saw a recreation of the shooting and got a picture of the kids with the actors.We had lunch in this saloon right before the recreation, and took some pictures. Here I am with my lovely wife who is, you might notice, smoking. She was thrilled that she could smoke inside. This is what it looked like walking up and down the main street.

Across the street from where they did the recreation, was the actual spot where the saloon once stood and where history was made.Also on the main street, was a very small casino with pop culture memorabilia scattered throughout it. Some of the highlights included:

Musical Intruments~

Cars~

And some other stuff~

It was fun and FREE!

Next, we headed up a very steep road to the Mount Moriah Cemetary where Wild Bill and Calamity Jane are buried. They aren't buried far from the entrance, but it's a bit of an incline that you have to walk up. But it's really beautiful with the tall gravemarkers and the tall trees.

After spending many hours in Deadwood and really enjoying ourselves more than we had planned, we headed back to the motel. But on our way, we drove through the town of Sturgis. It goes without saying that there were motorcycles EVERYWHERE. It was still 2 days until the official start of the rally, but the party had definitely already started. Something that caught my eye- apparently Sturgis boasts both the World's Biggest Biker Bar AND the World's Largest Biker Bar!

Enough for now. Next up, our adventure at Bear Country USA before leaving South Dakota. And if I'm really ambitious, I might get you all caught up on the rest of August before September is over!

Catching Up, Part 1

2009-08-20T11:34:00.020-06:00

Okay, so a month is WAY too long between posts. There is so much to say about what has happened this last month, and quite a lot of pictures. Ready?

A couple of quick things I left hanging in my last post:

The fuel pump in my car hasn't shown any more sign of failing, so I think it may have been misdiagnosed. It drove beautifully to South Dakota and back and is still hanging on.
The air conditioner is working fine again. I cleaned all around the unit and it still wasn't working, so we broke down and had the repair guy come out. He said that there was a part (I don't remember which now) that wasn't very secure, so it was intermittently coming loose. He wrote it up as an installation recall, so we didn't even have to pay for the service call!

Now on to the good stuff, with pictures!

My kids turned 11 on July 30. We had a party at the rec center on the Sunday before so they could invite friends. There was lots of swimming and they got fun gifts. Then on their birthday, we had a smaller get together with my parents, CaSis and her girls, D & J and their kids. We had cake and ice cream and they got money to use towards our trip.

The birthday kids with their yummy cake my sister got at Costco. Her membership came in VERY handy while she was here!

The cousins. They all enjoyed hanging out together so much. But I can't believe how fast they are all growing up... :(
My mom and the kids waiting for the cake to be cut.
My babies. I can't believe that they are 11.

The next morning we headed to South Dakota. The drive went very smoothly and we pulled into Rapid City 6 hours later. The plan was to go to our motel and check in and then head to Mount Rushmore for the Lighting Ceremony. As we were approaching the turnoff to Rushmore, we decided to just go there then. We were thrilled to find out that although the parking pass was $10, it was good for the rest of the calendar year. AND there is no admission to the memorial. We walked the whole trail with all the viewing spots and took a lot of pictures.

The view of Mount Rushmore from the parking lot and the entrance.

I love this picture of Shell & I walking. My sister & her hubby are walking together in front of us.

The Avenue of Flags leading up to the viewing terrace.

My dad with my sister & I.

My family with the presidents.
The trail that we walked along went right through all these trees. It was very peaceful and relaxing.

A close up of the faces.

A view of the Black Hills of South Dakota over the tree tops. The scenery was really amazing.

My heart and soul.

I LOVE this picture of us that my sister took.
We went back the next night, since our parking passes were still good, to see the illumination ceremony. The speech before was kind of long, but the lighting of the rock was pretty cool.

We were kind of surprised at the size of it. It was smaller than we expected. I think that you grow up hearing that there are these faces carved into the side of a mountain, and you think that it's massive. In actuality, it is faces sculpted in a huge rock. While still awe-inspiring and impressive, it almost takes something away from it to have such a huge expectation. But we were very happy that we went and were able to do so as a family. Going with my dad and my sister and her family was icing on the cake.

Next up... The recap, and pictures, of our day in Deadwood. And what's been happening since then.

Soon, I promise

2009-08-17T14:58:00.002-06:00

I will post soon and catch you all up. If anyone is still checking in, thanks. It won't be much longer.

A Quick Breath

2009-07-21T14:07:00.002-06:00

It's been a crazy busy month for us that will continue into August. We have had good and bad, happy & sad. And the beat goes on...
Okay, enough with the song lyrics as cliches. What's been going on?

As you know, the beginning of the month was consumed with my dealing with MJ's death. I devoured the Internet daily looking for news of any kind and listening to his music endlessly. This is getting better. I still read whatever I can find, but I don't search for it as obsessively. I spent a small fortune on the tribute/memorial magazines that were put out, which are still in the paper bag I put them in after bringing them home. My emotions are much more under control now and although I dread the day the autopsy results are released, I think that I'm ready. I know that the findings won't be pretty, and I've resigned myself to that.
In my desperate need to listen to MJ's music constantly, I realized that I didn't own enough of his music catalog. Eric taunted me by letting me know that he was quickly accumulating gobs of songs via the Internet. So I downloaded iTunes and that addiction has taken over my home. It's bad. We are loving it, but it's taking a lot of time to try to find music that we've done without for years because the last time we owned it was on vinyl or cassette.
CASis, CANiece1 & CANiece2 (see bottom of this post for explanation) drove in last Tuesday and my sister spent some time teaching me the ins and outs of getting music online. We talked a lot and were up late for the 3 nights she was here. Our kids played together so great and we really missed them when they left Friday morning. They left to drive to my sister's house in Missouri (where my mom is already), then will go play tourist in St. Louis and Chicago. They're taking a side trip to Gary, Indiana to find the Jackson's home there, then back to drop MOSis & her kids at their house. My mom is driving up through Nebraska on her way home to see a friend who was a bridesmaid in my parents wedding. My sister and nieces will drive back here, after stopping in Kansas to see the OZ museum. I'm so jealous.
My kids will be 11 in 9 days. Wow. We are having a birthday party at the Rec Center this Sunday for them. They are so excited. They'll have cake & ice cream followed by swimming. Then we'll have cake and ice cream on their birthday with my parents and my sister & nieces (they won't be back in time for the rec center party). The next day (Friday), we'll be up bright and early to drive to South Dakota for the weekend. We're going to Mount Rushmore, Deadwood, Bear Country USA and whatever else we can cram in. Driving back late on Sunday. My dad is going too, so it should be fun. My dogs will be staying with my mom at her house while we're gone. We've never done this before, but if it works it may mean that we can take more vacations as a family instead of splitting them up. This is very exciting.
Speaking of that, IF all goes well we MIGHT take a family trip to California over Thanksgiving week. This has just entered very preliminary discussions, so stay tuned.
My CASis is graduating from nursing school the week before Christmas and I am going. Unfortunately, flights there right now are costing about $400. I simply can't afford this. I am thankful that it is still months away, but very worried that it won't get much better before I have to purchase my ticket.
The fuel pump in my car may be failing and it's the car we are driving to South Dakota. The tags on both our cars are due.
Our air conditioner is not working correctly. For the last 2 nights it's been 84 degrees in my house when I've gone to bed. I haven't slept well. The kids and I are waking up cranky. The chinchilla's cage is now in the bathtub to keep her cool. The dogs just walk around with their tongues hanging out. It's miserable. Our neighber who works in HVAC is going to come over tonight and take a look. I'm not very hopeful. I'm very afraid that something is wrong and will cost a lot to fix.
Oh and our mortgage went up due to the amount of our taxes last year. It's only $40 a month, but still.
My best friend's birthday is in 2 days and I have nothing to send him. Can't afford much and that kills me.
We started back to school shopping over the weekend. Spent so much money and still have so much more to buy. They start school on August 18. My babies will be in 6th grade, that's middle school. It's just unbelievable...
*Talk of Sex Life Ahead-Enter at Your Own Risk* Shell & I aren't getting along very well right now. The stress of our money situation isn't helping, but it's mostly about sex. My sex drive is pretty amped up right now, which is really wonderful and very welcome. Typically when we have sex, she makes love to me first as it turns her on and gets her wet so that I can make love to her. Whatever. Saturday morning when she got home from work, I got my turn (as she puts it), but she was tired and turned down getting her turn. Saturday night we went to a birthday party and had a few drinks. The kids were spending the night at my dad's, so we were excited to have the house to ourselves. I got my turn and then fell asleep before she got hers. I felt really bad and she was a little bitter during the day on Sunday, but seemed to get over it as the day wore on. Sunday night the kids went to bed and we turned on a movie. A naughty movie. And...I fell asleep again. Needless to say, she's pretty pissed about it. I can't apologize enough. I swear I really didn't even feel that tired. But apparently I was and she's mad. It doesn't help that the last few weekends haven't exactly been prime for lovemaking. So we were looking forward to this one all week. The weekends are really our only days for it, since she works nights Monday through Friday. So yeah, the situation this weekend sucked. Add on the money situation and the broken a/c...and it's kind of tense in my house. It'll work out, it's just a bummer in the meantime.

I think that's enough catching up for now. I've been trying to keep up with all the blogs I read, but commenting is still suffering. Now that I've written this, I'm going to go comment on your blogs. Thanks for reading, as always!

Come What May

A Full(er) House?

On a Much Lighter Note

February...Really?!?!

3 days until Christmas!

December- For Better or Worse

For my lesbian sisters...

Half a semester down...

Update and a Meme

September...is over?

Alphabet Meme

A Shift

Huge, Fantastic Change

Day 30

Day 29

Day 28

Day 27

Day 26

Day 25

Day 24

Meme

Day 23

30 Days Interruption

Day 22

Day 20

Day 21

Catching up on Day 14

Day 19

Day 18

Day 17

Day 16

A substitute "Day"

Day 13

Day 12

Day 11

Day 10

Day 9

Day 8

Day 7

Day 6

Day 5

My Parents

30 Days: Day 3

30 Days: Day 2

30 Days

3 Months Later...

Hello December!

And moving on....

A Brief Post

More Questions Answered

Another Day

Excuses, Excuses

A Question of Race

Registered for Spring

2 (Polar Opposite) Peas in a Pod

More Kids?

Saturday Evening Post

Date Nights

Road to Motherhood

Alphabet Meme

Opposites Attract!

Taking Questions...

Hamlet

Weekends too!

Missed One Already!

The Question of Santa

TV Shows

...3 months later...

Almost the End

Time is Flying By!

A student once again...

One Word

10 Things

This Month

Where to Begin?

Come out, Come out...

Goodbye 2009

Better Late Than Never (Right?!?!)

Spreading the word

I'm a bad blogger...